When a creepy guy does this, should I be worried about my safety?

[Anonymous]

Hi,

First, some background info before I talk about the situation:

I tend to often attract creepy guys older than me. I'm 19. They all act the same towards me. They always somehow find a way to talk to me (like on Facebook), when we have never met/don't know each other! Usually if they see me somewhere they find me and always they say the same thing to me: "Hi you are pretty can we be friends?"

I always say that we can be friends because I'm too nice and I can't say no. And after that, they will start flirting with me/trying to ask me out/constantly talk to me by sending multiple messages even when I don't respond.

Now to the situation:

On Sunday (a couple of days ago), I get a random phone call on my cell. I pick up. The other line hangs up. I text them asking who it is. they respond: "Hi you are very pretty. please don't get mad at me for doing this."

I ask him who is is, he won't tell me, but he says he's seen me once. I keep pushing for him to tell me who he is cause I'm a bit freaked out that someone I don't know has my number! Eventually he says he will tell me, but he says he could get fired for how he got my number and once I agree to say I won't get mad he tells me who he is. It turns out it was one of the two guys who delivered my furniture last month. He then says if I don't want to be friends then I should say so and he won't bother me. Since I'm very nice, I was like its ok we can be friends because I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Plus if I report him he will get fired and it is hard for people to get jobs nowadays ya know? I would feel guilty. Plus English is not his first language (He has a Spanish background) so I don't want to be the cause of someone losing their job.

Anyways, the next morning he texts me good morning at like 6.30am. I wake up around 8.30am and say good morning back to be nice. He texts me later in the day saying what's up, I say I'm doing a project, he says he is on his way to see his sister. I don't respond. He texts again at night saying goodnight. I don't respond.

Today, while I am driving he resends me the same "goodnight" text he sent last night. 2min after that text he texts again saying "hi how was your day" I don't respond.

Should I be worried about this? This guy knows where I live after all, and I live alone. Also, on the first night when he texted me, when I said I had to go study, he asked me for my name because he forgot it...and today I just remembered that and it made me realize: if this guy wanted to be friends, wouldn't he remember my name since he took my number from the company he works for? My name would obviously be on the same papers as my number.

What should I do? I always get bothered by creepy and creepy older guys. Is it because I'm too nice? Guys always harass me like this. They always say I'm pretty and then ask to be friends. Do men only want to be friends with a girl if she is pretty? I feel like a guy will only want to talk to me because of my looks.

Updates

+1 y

UPDATE: I told my parents and my dad took care of it and he told me that "he would never bother me again."


Thank you everyone :)

[jeeperss]

hmm I think you should've nipped it in the bud, and when he asked via text whether or not you want to be friends, you should've just said, sorry, no thanks. and then not responded to any more texts. also, if he asked you your name, you definitely should not have given it to him, or at least given a fake one.

if harassment continues, you should then call the company.

as for right now, if you just don't respond any more, in a few days he should lose interest and stop texting.

also, as a safety precaution, perhaps you should text one final time to say, sorry, my boyfriend would prefer if I don't have any unknown texting buddies, and then just stop replying completely, regardless of what else he might say.

and once again, if harassment continues more than a few days, or if you suspect that he might actually be coming around, and not just texting you, call the company, and maybe even the police?

[Asker]

Well I figured whether I agreed to be friends or not with him wouldn't matter because I could just stop talking to him, but then I realized today if he got my cell number then he might have my address. as well. which makes me wonder if anyone else in that company has looked up my info.

[jeeperss]

Well, if he delivered your furniture, then you know he knows your address right away. I personally would've been veeeery creeped out at that point. the fact that he got your number like that instead of when he first met you shows he's creepy, and that he wouldn't tell you or even at least call you like a normal person, and you had to extract it from him is also creepy.

so if you're question is about your safety, then yes, I'd be a little worried.

[Asker]

Yeah and he wouldn't tell me who he was until I agreed to not get mad...i was very scared but I agreed to not get mad/made it seem like it wasn't a big deal because I didn't know who it was and if I was hostile, they wouldn't tell me who they are and then I would have been more scared than now. because if I didn't know who it was, then I could have been wondering if they knew where my family/friends lived etc.

should I tell my parents? he will probably lose his job...but I'm really scared no joke.

[jeeperss]

Well like I said I would wait a few more days without replying to see if he loses interest. or you could just plainly send a text, hi sorry but just don't text me anymore please. idk. he might just be a creep who doesn't do anything beyond texting so making him lose his job could actually make him an angry creep? so I would wait it out a bit. but saying explicitly you want no contact, and if he continues, is a sure sign that you should contact someone, maybe your parents, and see what they think

[Asker]

I will probably wait acouple of more days to see how things go. But the thing that gets me is that he delivered my furniture a month ago! Which means if he waited until now to contact me it seems kind of scary cause that means I've been on his mind for quite some time...and we only spoke for acouple of minutes when my furniture was delivered.

sometimes people show no prior sign to doing something crazy so I'm wondering if he could hurt me if I don't do anything.

[jeeperss]

If you really are that worried, talk to your parents and friends

[Anonymous]

Stop trying to be so nice. You don't owe these guys anything. If someone is acting like a creeper blow him off or tell him to leave you alone. Don't be afraid of being a "bitch", it comes in handy in many situations. Girls who worry about being nice end up being taken advantage of and getting into situations like yours. Being "nice" is encouraging to these guys because they think you don't mind the attention.

Call the company where he works and let them know. It shouldn't matter to you if he loses his job. He was inappropriate and made you uncomfortable. He should have thought about his actions before he did it, that's not your fault if he loses his job. Once again - you're too nice.

Tell your parents, anyone you know just to be safe and also notify the police if he contacts you again.

[cheerclover27]

Yeeah, don't be dumb. When someone is a full on creeper like that then don't respond back to them! It makes them think they have a chance and in weirdos minds they would think that you're leading him on. Call your cell phone provider and block his number. Just be super safe, because better safe then sorry ((: Don't talk to him anymoreee. I know how you feel, creepy guys tend to be attracted to me to and ask gross ass questions, you don't want to be a complete ass and blow them off but you don't want to make them think your interested. But you just have to deal with being mean. We're just too nice ((:

[Asker]

So am I supposed to be mean from now on when dealing with guys like this? Have you stopped being so nice in situations like these? And if you have, do you think that is a better way to handle the situation?

[lovilla]

Its not mean. its mean that he is calling without permission. it is called being assertive and safe.

[armyant]

If you are attractive and ladylike, you are basically going to drive men wild just like that. You should be firm and tell him you aren't interested and just ask him to leave you alone. I know it isn't easy and it could just be that he'll get more desperate, but you've gone past the point where you can afford to be ambiguous with the guy because he's clearly acting like a stalker.

[stevo]

It's a bit alarming that he looked up your cell phone number and just started to call/text right off the bat. Huge red flag. Just don't text him back any time soon, and maybe, maybe he'll get the clear-cut picture and knock it of.

[Asker]

If he has my cell number then doesn't that mean he has my address? Should I tell my parents? But this guy will probably get fired if I tell anyone because they will tell me to call the company. I don't want to make someone lose their job. But I'm afraid to go to my apartment. I've been staying at my parents house.

[stevo]

Tell anyone that you feel should be aware of the situation.

[lovilla]

sweety, don't let being nice get you into trouble. its happened to lots of girls. saftey first. he doesn't just want to be your freind and if you aren't interested in him the same way, let him know. hopefully he will back off. you don't owe anybody anything. EVER! you don't owe it to people to be nice. you need to learn these skills now for your saftey. please keep us posted.

[Asker]

I don't want to talk to him anymore...But I'm afraid that he has my address since he delivered my furniture. Should I tell my parents? I don't want to live in my apartment anymore but I can't get out of my lease. I'm afraid to go to my apartment! I've been at my parents house.

[lovilla]

Its not you fault if he looses his job. I would tell your parents if you are afraid. be upfront with him and ask him to leave you alone. even if its scary and you aren't used to talking to people like that. then see what his reaction is. it wouldn't hurt to get some info on him. you could go to his work, and find out what his vehicle looks like. then keep your eyes open.

so tell him to leave you alone. tell him that you are not interested and that he is too old for you. tell him that if he doesn

[Asker]

But the reason why I didn't tell him to back off is because I don't know what kind of person he is. if I was rude/mean to him...what if he stalked me since he has my info? that's why I don't want to tell him to leave me alone.

am I just overreacting about this situation?

[lovilla]

How old is he? he knows that gettign yournumber that way was wrong. he knows you don't want to answer his text but he keeps trying. he knows what he has done is wrong but he keeps doing it. this is scary. don't be naive. you have instincts for a reason and something is telling you to be affraid. if old creepy guy wants to play this little game (which he knows is wrong) then he can deal with loosing his job or getting in trouble. you didn't do anything wrong and you are not overreacting.

[Larson7]

I wish you would judge my creep value. I think that I'm easily oh, that's probably an understatement but girls like me for some reason. And all girls including transgender. Guys too at times although I don't know how to handle that

[Anonymous]

yeah, you're a little too nice. it's ok just to say no, I don't really want to be friendsbecause I don't know you that well

[jacquesvol]

If you feel harassed, call that company and ask to speak to the manager.

[TsubasaCorrupted]

Thank heavens your safe. That had a great potential to become very, very bad. Stay safe. and don't be afraid to say no. :)

[unforgetablecaro]

ITS NICE TO BE NICE :) just tell him you have a boyfriend or weird him out my sending text likeim going out to shave my harry back and stuff lol or tell him you can't text these might work

[lovilla]

whoot whoot. great job