My dad is a racist and I date black guys?

[Anonymous]

I'm a white girl and ever since I can remember I have been attracted to black men.
Only recently has my father disclosed to me that he is an extreme racist.

Everyday I have to hear his rants about how they're "not like us", and that race mixing is wrong.

He tells me I'm a dissapointment if I bring home a black man.

I have a black boyfriend and he wants to meet my parents, but honestly I'm scared.
What do I do?
How do I get my father to accept my boyfriend? (he doesn't know about him yet)

I'm keeping my identity anonymous because I'm ashamed of my dad being racist.

Updates

+1 y

I'm 20 and my dad is 44.

[Maxemeister]

Tell ur black boyfriend ur dad is racist. He was raised with racist values and will not change his views easily. Make sure your boyfriend STILL wants to meet your father.

And tell your dad if he can't accept a perfect guy cuz his skin is a different pigment, then he might as well be blind.

[Asker]

Thank you so much,
that last line is very beautiful.

[Maxemeister]

Why thank you! I was winging it lol. But it's true!

[NuwanJ]

then like a guy who ur dad will like, that's it, it's not impossible to get a guy that both of u would like out of 7 billion and by the way there are plenty of fishes in the sea but u only get one dad so love and cherish him he done so much for u and this is coming from a non white guy

[Asker]

Why should I give someone that makes me happy up?

[NuwanJ]

he won't be the only guy that makes u happy and u say it as if ur dad doesn't make u happy

[miserybusiness]

How old are you?

If your dad's always been that prejudiced, there's nothing you can do. Unfortunately this isn't a fairytale where bad people can be changed, and close-minded racists will remain close-minded racists. Continue to date in secret until it becomes serious.

[Asker]

I'm 20 and my dad is 44.
I think that's the best I guess?

[4465loveyou5577]

Tell your dad that you love your boyfriend and don't care about his racist attitude.

[Tay_tay96]

Don't let them meet, it will only hurt everyone involved.

[Asker]

But if it gets really serious they'll have to meet?

[Tay_tay96]

No they really dont. The heart wants what the heart wants, you cannot change the way you feel. You have to realize your dad will never change so he will never be okay with you dating or marrying a black man.

[Asker]

But I'd obviously want my dad at my wedding?
Sighh

[Tay_tay96]

I can tell you he won't go if you marrying a black man. My cousin did and she hasn't seen her parents in 5 years they disowned her.

[Asker]

oh my God that is so sad :(

[Tay_tay96]

It is very sad. She has kids and her parents have nothing to do with them or her. All because she married a black man and they didn't agree with it.

[JuicyBrain]

Don't make them meet. Tell your boyfriend why. If your father wants to know why he can never meet your boyfriend. Tell him he's a racist son of a bitch and is not worthy of meeting him.

[Asker]

It would hurt me to say that, because I'm really close with my dad, the only thing we argue about is the race thing.
I'll try to say that nicely?
Although sooner or later they'll have to meet?

[JuicyBrain]

Of course don't tell him like that lol.
No, they never have to meet. Your father is isolating himself because of HIS behavior. Would you invite him to your marriage knowing how racist he is? He shouldn't. His behavior should be discourage. It's not your fault, it's HIS fault.

[Asker]

Of course I'd want my father to be at my wedding.
It's just a really hard situation.

[JuicyBrain]

Yes, you want him. But you can't have him if he's going to ruin your wedding...

[dudegrt09]

Well I think majority of people from old generation are racist so don't blame your dad that's how he's been raised...
You'll need to have a heart to heart with your dad and you should tell him that he could at least meet the guy for your sake and then judge him as a person

[Asker]

I'll try, thank you very much!

[JuicyBrain]

There is no excuse to be racist. He can't be that old either. A 50yo should know better in this day and age.

[Asker]

@JuicyBrain I'm 20 and my dad is 44, and yeah, there isn't an excuse!

[Kelfuma]

"Dad, I like black guys. Do you love me or do you love racism more?"

[Asker]

OH MY GOD I don't know WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CRY :)))

[Kelfuma]

You know me ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[Gommers]

You're dating black guys out of rebellion, in my opinion you're just as racist as he is.

[Asker]

Did I not clearly state I didn't know until recently? He saw something on tv and started ranting.
only recently = a couple of months ago did he reveal he is racist.
I've been dating black men since 15.

[Gommers]

Still an act of rebelling. Sorry but not really

[Asker]

It's not rebelling if I was going out with the guy before he even mentioned being racist?

[Gommers]

Yes it is

[Asker]

Sorry but you're a bit stupid.
That makes no sense at all.

[Gommers]

You brought race into it, you have a preferred race, you've fetishized a culture and you don't think that's racist?

[Asker]

it's my fucking preference.
I can date anybody I want.
If people only date their race thats racist.
If people only date outside their race then its making a race a fetish.
You can't fucking please anyone

[Gommers]

Your preference is for that of a specific race, ergo, racist. Enjoy your bigotry as benevolent add it may be intended

[ThatBritishLad]

What, I'm gonna find out who your dad is by knowing your username?

[Asker]

No but I'm friends with people on here and they may view me differently because my dad is racist, it's happened before in real life.

[ThatBritishLad]

My mum's a UKIP voter who hates blacks, arabs and gays. Doesn't matter to me.

[Asker]

just because it doesn't matter to you, it doesn't mean it doesn't matter to me

[vishna]

How did you just find out your father is a bigot?

[Asker]

He started saying it out of nowhere and I'm like woah

[vishna]

I would ignore him. Let him be a bigot in a corner. If you want to find love, find love. And who cares if the person isn't accepted by your father.

[nileve]

if you don't want drama don't introduce him

[Asker]

I will have to sooner or later. Let's say I stayed long enough in a relationship with him that it's time to get married.. what then?

[nileve]

then you invite your dad to your weeding.. ut telling him while you two are dating is a bad idea it will only bring drama

[Asker]

Oh ok, thanks

[baepink]

In the same situation

[ArchDruidMordred]

He won't. Racist people are very stubborn.

[Asker]

Yeah, they are very stubborn :/

[ArchDruidMordred]

Just act like your boyfriend doesn't exist when you're dad is around accept for when, say, your boy happens to be right there.

[Anonymous]

just ingore your dad.

[Asker]

a bit hard to do

[TMasterFlex]

Introduce him. Its your choice of who you date.