I'm white, he is black, but my parents are racist?

Question

I'm really into black men always have been  and I'm currently dating and African American guy that I really like we are in a very serious relationship and I want to introduce him to my parents since he introduced me to his. He doesn't really know my parents are racist cause I'm a bit embarrassed to tell him and If I told my parents I was with a black man I don't know how they will react but I have to introduce my boyfriend to them I don't know what to do

yengesi · Accepted Answer

The Jim Crow days are over. Time to introduce your parents to the 21st century. I would talk to them about alone first, but don't ask their permission. Tell them you're seeing another human who just happens to be black and that the relationship is serious and you'd like them to meet him. You know it will be difficult for them, but you're an adult now and you're living your life for you, not them and you really would like their support.

After that, the ball is in their court, and you need to be prepared to deal with their reaction. If they refuse, you need to know whether you're going to stick to your guns or let them run your life, and you need to be prepared to explain to your boyfriend that there's some ugly junk in your closet that you're both going to have to deal with.

I went through something similar in the 70's, so I have sympathy for you, but you're in the driver's seat whether you like it or not. No matter what you do, someone you care about is going to be hurt. You can't avoid that, but you can decide whether they'll be hurt for an ugly cause or a good cause, and most of all you have to decide whether you're going to let your parents' prejudice control you for the rest of your life or not.

Best of luck.

TheAnswerer · Accepted Answer

The thing is...

First of all, let him know that your parents are racist. Don't be embarassed to tell him. It's not you, it's your parents. Also, you can't "train" or "teach" your parents to like black people, right? So why in earth would it be your fault? You really don't need to get embarassed while saying it.

About the other thing, well, it is your life and not theirs. Don't let THEM decide who YOU will marry. They already made that decision by marrying each other. No one expects them to repeat the decision.

Just tell them that you are over 18 and have the right to choose your partner. Legally, you can even marry him without your parents' consent. Let them know that you're only introducing your boyfriend to them out of respect, not out of necessity.

If they don't like your boyfriend, well, they will have to aceept that YOU like your boyfriend.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I'm having the same problem only with a mixed guy instead of a black guy. The guys mom is white and wants him to date white girls so. But my step dad and mom are SOOOOOO racist when it comes to dating. They have some friends of different races but they all "Act white" and aren't very close friends. When we go out in public and there are interracial couples there my step dad has a look of disgust and will talk about them right there. It makes me feel horrible. I'm nowhere near even being a little racist and I don't discriminate against anyone. My parents pretty much taught me to be racist but I never have been and never will be. Judge someone on the content of their character not the color of their skin like Martin Luther king said. So you're not alone. If I was you I would sit down with your boyfriend and tell him how your parents are, if he loves you he'll understand. Then you should talk to your parents about their being racist one day and a few days later slip into the conversation that you may be interested in a man of another race and tell them if they really love you like they should as parents they would understand and just give him a chance!

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I've been with my boyfriend for three years he's also African American. And I haven't told my parents because of the fact they aren't for that. But I'm also still living in their house so I can't come out and say it. My partner knows how my parents are and still loves me. In two years I'll be old enough to to move out and when I do that'll be when I tell them so they can't rule my life. It's not easy hiding you're love but it's easier then telling everyone and having to give it up. All I know is if you love him and you don't live with you're parents then don't be afraid tell them. Parents love is unconditional but for me they could just take my phone give me no access to him. They wouldn't think about it but yours will.

MamaAmanda · Accepted Answer

Sounds very familiar, my parents are racist too and I almost only dated black men, they even threw me out of the house because of it but that only drew me to the black men even more, eventually my parents begged me to come back and kind of accepted that I love black men. I have a beautiful mixed girl, am very proud nad my parents love her too!

Just be honest to your boyfriend, your parents and especially yourself!

BlackSuperman · Answer

well, your 20... time to start living life for you... If your parents don't like it.. they will either love you (and hate him), or hate the both of you... I still say you need to live life for you, not your parents (who cares if they really are racist... kinda hard to believe that they are, given that they live in Los Angeles)

Anonymous · Answer

I think you should tell your parents about a guy your seeing but do not mention he's black, if they start to like his personality then perhaps they will overlook the fact that he is black. Then introduce him.If you are this serious then they should learn to like him because he may be a part of your future. Stand up for yourself on this one.

freefall7 · Answer

See the thing is, your into black men not because you met a a nice black man. Its your fetish.  Its one thing to love another race, but to love an entire race just because the color of their skin is wrong. Your a black hungry whore and your trying to justify it. You know it, I know it.

Anonymous · Answer

Really into black **** huh? Your parents are worried he will rob the house blind and pawn their sh*t off.

Anonymous · Answer

You really have no dignity do you? I'd bash you if you were my daughter.

JessicaSnowbunny · Answer

DOn't tell them. THey dont deserve you.

I'm white, he is black, but my parents are racist?

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