Is bad sex a deal breaker?

[Kookie00]

Could you stay in a relationship where you were not satisfied sexually, even if the person was close to perfection? How important is sexual satisfaction in a relationship to you?

Updates

+1 y

Ok, so I had a few responses saying what do ai mean by bad sex... I mean sex that leaves you continuously unsatisfied... even if you try to teach the person...

[WillowTree]

If they were close to perfection, sexual satisfaction wouldn't be an issue. But yes, bad sex is a deal breaker for me. If I'm not happy in the bedroom my interest declines and I get tempted to look elsewhere. We're all human and we have needs. I want to be faithful and not cheat but when you're REALLY horny and your other half isn't trying to make it work, morality starts to slip. I don't want to be put in that position. I don't want to have to make that decision. I don't want to be tempted to cave in and give into carnal desires with someone else. I want to be happy with my one. Sex is not everything but it is a big part of relationships and intimacy. If he's willing to try new things and improve I would stay and work it out because he's worth it.

[Anonymous]

Depends. Would it just be not quite ideal, or would it be terrible or absent? In the last 2 cases, it might be a dealbreaker. Would I be allowed to get satisfaction elsewhere? Would it possibly improve in the future?
For example, I just had a date with a virgin and would be perfectly willing to wait until he's ready, supposing it wouldn't take ages. But if it were someone asexual who wouldn't be okay with an open relationship, I'd see it as a dealbreaker and would probably leave.

[ak666]

For me "yes", but "bad sex" to me is sex without a connection, like masturbation with a body. It doesn't have to do with mechanics or physical pleasure.

The chemistry isn't there that kind of allows us to meld and read each other's thoughts. I've often tried sticking around because I found the girl attractive, found her personality charming, but it's not something that improves with technique. Sometimes the connection just isn't there in the sexual moments.

Usually when that happens, I'm incapable of really developing intense feelings for the girl (and probably her for me as well), and it's usually time to end the relationship.

I tend to discover my true feelings for a girl and how compatible we are inside the bedroom.

[ak666]

I might just be a certain type, but I actually believe in an idea similar to "sexual soulmates". It's something I experienced twice in my life, and fell for both women where we had this kind of effect. The second I married.

All the women in between just didn't have this intense of a connection there in the bedroom, and it didn't have to do with anything like blowjob technique.

It had to do with how we kind of understood each other's bodies and minds, and I'm not sure that's something that can really be taught. The two women who did that to me just felt like our bodies and minds were made for each other.

[ak666]

The first one, technique-wise, was actually kind of horrible. And she physically wasn't even my type at the time (quite skinny, small breasts, long arms and neck). It came as a surprise to me how passionate things got in the bedroom, and how we could smile and laugh and enjoy the time together so much. Yet it was then that I kind of realized I wanted her in my life more than anything else.

It's not that sex is so important to me, but that connection in the bedroom is kind of the foundation for me to have the strongest feelings of love towards a woman I can possibly have, and often followed by dates and romantic exchanges of affection that can potentially last forever. That, to me, is very important, but it always began for me in the bedroom.

[Kookie00]

I think you might be on to something here. Perhaps bad sex could be related to the chemistry you have with the person vs the technique. But then again, I've had great aex with someone I had no real connection with... so I think technique does matter...

[ak666]

Same -- I had "great sex" in terms of just physical satisfaction and possibly even more than the two women I fell in love with. And when we started developing long-term relationships, naturally technique mattered more. But that initial spark for me that makes me really fall in love with a woman and kind of unlocks some kind of primitive instincts to want to care for her, have her in my life, seems to kind of revolve around having the connection (or perhaps the connection is just proof that we have something there).

[pnl86]

Generally, no. There is a minor exception. If she was involved in some horrific fire accident, or was in the military and was blown up be a road side bomb, and as a result, had "aesthetic limitations." I feel like I should not have to sacrifice my sex life just so I can still love and remain emotionally loyal to the same woman (in that situation). I'm sure in that situation, she would be okay with a permanent hall pass.

[pnl86]

Generally, no... I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO STAY IN A RELATIONSHIP WHERE I'M SACRIFICING OR GIVING UP MY SEX LIFE.

[Kookie00]

Even if she ticked all of the other boxes?

[pnl86]

Absolutely not. What's the point of my limited 77 year life expectancy on this earth as a man, if I can't enjoy a large chuck of it with a satisfying sex life?

Sure, if I had to, I would cope. If some crazy b*tch cut off my penis, then sure. But if I don't "have" to live that way, why would I? I wouldn't. For as long as I have a choice, I choose a satisfying sex life.

If I can't have that with one woman, then I don't want to be in a relationship with that woman. We can just be friends.

[Kookie00]

I think I gotta agree with you. I passed up on some good guys because of bad sex. I tried working with them, communicating, teaching them what I like... but they just never caught on... after a while I found myself not wanting to sleep with them anymore, thats how I knew a relationship wouldn't work...

[pnl86]

I'm not going to even dabble into the male POV of that, or the man's analogy. I think we hear enough of it. What I will say are my third-hand experiences with women dissatisfied with the sex they're getting. The same way you can't "teach" a girl to be a "slut," she either is one or she's not; well, you also can't "teach" a guy to be "aggressive," he either is or he isn't. If he's not passionate about the rest of his life, then don't expect him to be passionate about you or sex with you. If he's not a people pleaser, don't be surprised if he's not enthusiastic about your sexual pleasure. You can't "change" people. People are the way they are. If you could "change" people, then we wouldn't go through the labors of dating. We would just pick someone out of a lineup of attractive people, and then "train/educate" them into being our "close to ideal" partner. It doesn't work! Some behaviors and "thoughts/beliefs" are just innate and "ingrained" so early from childhood.

[pnl86]

An ex of mine told me about a guy she was in a relationship with. He was a nice guy personality wise, and good financially, but when it came to sex, he was just dead. He would be okay with zero sex. Their sex life was basically just hand jobs, for him, like only. Not even a blowjob. Not even sex. He was okay with all of this by the way. He wouldn't touch her. He wouldn't grope her, inside or outside of the bedroom. She basically felt like they were just friends or roommates living together, going through the motions of life together, and splitting bills/expenses together. She didn't feel like she had a "boyfriend," or that she was his "girlfriend." One day, after trying for nearly a year to "get him to change," she was like, "I'm sorry, this just isn't going to work out." At that point, he was like, "No baby, I'll change." He tried groping her butt, but she said it felt so mechanical and forced. It didn't feel like a man who really wanted to touch me. She couldn't live that way.

[pnl86]

She needed to feel "alive," sexually alive. She needed to feel wanted. She needed to feel like the man she was with wanted her sexually. This was just a "minimum" requirement. At a minimum, to look at herself in the mirror each day, and be able to say, "My man finds me attractive. Not because he says he does, but because I know he does. He wants me. He enjoys it when we have sex together, and not just because he gets off, but because I fucking rock his world. So, if I walk out there today and some b*tch gives me some look, or some guys try and not turn their heads to look at me, or I walk around photoshopped b*tches or people talking about amazing sex, etc., I know I've been there done that. I know I am that. I feel as secure as Fort Knox, if Fort Knox was located 5,000 feet underwater. I feel like a tease, I feel supermodel confident about myself, and fuck you, yes I like feeling this way. Don't be peanut butter and jealous."

[Kookie00]

I agree. I was in a situation like this and he was perfect in every way... definitely a man you should marry. The sex however, left me unsatisfied. Eventually I got to a point where I didn't want to do with him anymore, which eventually lead to the breakup...

[mrfoox]

Defently, I'm asexual so for me that sure isn't a problem

[yucel_eden]

Is that a new trend

[mrfoox]

@yucel_eden nope

[Kookie00]

What is that like? Are you just indifferent to sex altogether?

[mrfoox]

Pretty much, not really interested in sex/don't see the big appeal or how to word it 😅

[SomeGuy37]

If you are having 'BAD SEX' you need to figure out WHY!!!
If you aren't getting your needs satisfied, as a woman, YOU need to SHOW him what you want, and HOW you want it!!
There is no 'GOOD' reason for a woman not just being totally loved and fulfilled, with every sensual desire, AS LONG AS SHE TELLS HIM, OR TEACHES HIM, how to give her that joy!!
What guy is going to say 'HELL NO!!' when the lady he adores wants him to do, uh, whatever?

[genuinlysensitive]

It depends, if she is willing to try other things and improve, than I could definitely wait. If she flat out refuses to get better or even try new things, then it would depend on how close to perfection she is and just how bad the sex really is.

[lyannamormont]

Agree. Could not say it better.

[Kookie00]

What if you tried to teach her but she just can't catch on... is it a deal breaker then?

[genuinlysensitive]

So far I have never meet one who couldn't catch on. Its actually quite natural. Only one who was lazy and refused. In that case it would depend on how perfect she is and how bad the sex really is.

[cavmanier]

If I wasn't satisfied because I wasn't attracted to them or because their sex drive wasn't enough to satisfy me, those would be deal breakers. If the sex wasn't great, I believe that can likely be improved with time.

[Kookie00]

And if it wasn't improved in time? Could you stay?

[cavmanier]

As long as she tried, I'm pretty sure I would stay. Sex isn't everything obviously and I think it could be improved.

[oldanddecrepid]

If the person was close to perfection, then one really can't complain! Besides, that is where communication comes into play!

If we are both open and honest with each other, we would help each other to improve.

[Kookie00]

What if she does not catch on, or is not consistent with the changes? Could you stay?

[oldanddecrepid]

If I thought she was worth it in every other way, like she was faithful, beautiful (in my eyes) and I enjoyed her company to the point where I would miss it! If she was damn near perfect sexually, then it would be well worth staying with her.

No one is perfect... besides, it just means lots of practice! If that was the case, I would never want her to be perfect!

[FatherJack]

A man should learn how to please & always get his partner off first ( several times if he can !! ) this is a pleasure in it's self !! The biggest complaint from the male side seems to be lack of libido in women , the genders are wired completely differently sexually , this is a big source of inter-gender friction. A woman that never wants sex will be a deal breaker to the majority of men

[Barrabus_the_Free]

Deal-breaker, unless she's OK with me having side action to do what she can't.

[Kookie00]

Even if she was perfect in every other way?

[Barrabus_the_Free]

There is no such thing. But even if she was acceptable in every other way, yes. I'm not looking for anything long term. I have no need of relationshits; in fact, I don't want one. I want, at most, short term, but preferably just sex.

[Kookie00]

Hmmm... I think I agree with you on that... as far as not wanting a relationship goes, could it be because you haven't met the right woman?

[Barrabus_the_Free]

There's no such thing as 'the right woman'. They all share certain characteristics, and those are undesirable to me.

[slatyb]

Bad sex is a deal-breaker for me. I could not stay in a relationship if I were sexually unsatisfied, unless my partner just didn't care if I had sex with others.

[MargaritaPeach]

Not happening. I can work with someone towards getting there, but if it just isn't happening, I know I am just setting myself up to cheat, and that's unfair to everyone.

[cookies4ever]

you have to evaluate whats most important in the relationship, and if the person can improve sexually. If you feel that you can't deal with them because of the bad sex, then it is time to find somebody else

[Maik567]

No, I'd just talk to her about and we'd decide how we could fix it. If she didn't want to change anything then that might be a deal breaker.

[Anonymous]

I have bad sex too many times and it is a deal breaker for me

I will dump a man in a heartbeat over some bad sex

[Kookie00]

I've been I this situation too.. its hard to stay faithful

[kittykatbrat]

Me = serial dater = bad sex is always a deal breaker.

[Oldandconfused]

I like to try before I buy... But yes, it is a deal breaker. Only because I'm not to enthusiastic in bed and I need someone who knows what they are doing.

[TonyRyanAgain]

D00d, that's just when you start their training!

https://i.imgur.com/8PtCzP1.jpg

[teawrecks]

The fuck is that picture 😂

[TonyRyanAgain]

@teawrecks hilarious is the answer, lol.

[skaikrasha]

Bad sex isn't a deal-breaker, however, him not willing to improve and try to make sex better definitely does break the deal. I don't wanna spend the rest of my life being sexually unsatisfied.

[neoagent1]

There's something called ***communication*** that if done right can help "bad sex". You have to talk about it like adults.

[Anonymous]

What exactly do you mean by bad sex? I mean my boyfriend has never made me orgasm in all he year we've been together but that doesn't bother me. But not finishing isn't bad sex to me.

[Kookie00]

I mean sex that leaves you continuously unsatisfied. As a woman, you can have satisfying sex without having an orgasm... but I mean unsatisfying...

[Walrus_au]

Potentially 'bad sex' could be improved by practice and learning, so not necessarily.

[EllieLexis513]

No, I don't care, sex doesn't mean a whole lot to me anyway.