Have you ever fallen OUT of love?

Question

My girlfriend broke up with me because she doesn't feel the same way about me anymore. She said that the process has been gradual, but to me I really don't know how that happened.

So I am wondering if anyone out there who has fallen out of love. And what was your reason? What did your boy friend do "wrong?" Was he too smothering? Did you guys argue too much? What happened?

I want to be able to learn from my experience, so I want to get some help from all of you. :)

bobair · Accepted Answer

Attraction isn't a choice.

Besides the terrible side effects of maturity and "growing up" there's many small things that can happen to lessen a woman's attraction towards the guy she's dating. By the way, the younger and more immature she is the more likely she is to become flaky and distracted by the next beautiful butterfly (next cool guy.) Sometimes you're really not to blame.

That being said I usually blame the guy when his girl loses interest.

Why? Because, almost always, he's behaving differently then when they first met.

Attraction is about tension. Tension in her body. The relationship brings her body release of that tension. As she gets to know you, as you become predictable, and as everything becomes common, the tension releases. When the tension is gone, the attraction is too.

So how can you keep a girl interested long-term?

1) Don't date flaky girls. She's like a kitten... chasing the next shiny object. There are plenty of mature women who have a good head on their shoulders, and who operate with their heads and their hearts.

2) Be MASCULINE. Read anything by David Deida and you'll learn about masculine energy, and feminine energy. Your job is to invite her to express her feminine energy in response to your masculine... especially in the bedroom.

The masculine man will not waste her time with neediness, smothering, desperate behavior. This pushes all women away. Instead he keeps his distance, inviting her to learn more about him. He makes choices and decisions without the need of approval or acceptance. He leads her and takes her by the hand. He surprises her by taking her for dinner without explaining where or why.

He's always composed and self-assured. He's like a wall that's unaffected by her emotional weather changes, and she loves him for that.

He's not afraid to direct her through traffic, through a busy room, or through the sexual positions they're sharing.

He's not afraid to have a different opinion than her, and has no need to argue if they differ.

He's charming and warm to everyone he meets, not just the most attractive women in his vicinity.

He doesn't settle because he's always seeking his best.

3) He's on his purpose. A man with a purpose is a man women gravitate towards, like the moon orbiting the earth. Your purpose is your level of gravity. If you're without purpose then you need to spend more time seeking it, and less time chasing girls.

When a woman tries to gain your attention, but you're distracted with your purpose, she'll crave you even deeper.

If you stay MASCULINE and ON PURPOSE you will naturally help create tension and attraction from your woman.. simply because she won't own you like she does other men.

Good Luck!

~ Robby

My Blog ( link

themastaplan · Accepted Answer

ok personally this is how I feel...

you can't FALL IN love with someone

you can be IN LOVE with someone...

if someone tells you that they are falling out of love with you, they were never in love with your to begin with...now remember this is MY OPINION...

true love (being in love) is a first sight type thing, where you just feel different, something you cannot describe...

to "fall" in love is a process and to me is not "true" love...falling in love would be, oh you're cute but I'm not so sure about you because I don't know you well, lets go on some dates, you start LIKING each other, going out more, then "falling" in love...i mean sure its possible to be happy for the rest of your life with a relationship like that

but when you FEEL (true) love, its just different, you'll know what I'm talking about when you feel it...you can't describe it, the comfort you get around that person, the rush you get, butterflies, etc...its just love man...

as far as your situation you may never know why she lost feelings for you, sometimes questions go unanswered at the end of the relationship...id recommend leaving her a lone and letting her figure out for herself what she wants...erase her number from your phone(im sure you have it memorized) that way when you think you want tot alk to her you'll dial her number and as your dialing you'll think twice about it...give not only her some space but yourself some space from her to clear your head and think straight so you don't do anythign stupid and beg for her back...this is your time to really reflect on what could ahve gone wrong, what did go wrong, etc...maybe it was nothing, who knows, sometimes people just need to learn on themselves...she needs to see what life would be like w/o you(no contact) this will make her realize how much you mean to her or have you realize how much you didn't mean to her...id say take a few weeks away from talking and if you want to catch up ask her to over coffee or soemthing short...not dinner, maybe lunch. something under 30 min long so its not like a date where she may feel pressure...

hope this helps...good luck

dragonfly6516 · Accepted Answer

I was very happy with my BF. We had been friends for years before we dated. We had a "comfortable" relationship. I was completely fine with his internet gaming. But about midway through, he became so addicted to his game that he stopped paying any attention to me at all, even when I asked for attention. I finally decided that I had to leave him. He did try to change, but not until after I had already decided to go. My mind was already made up, and I just didn't feel the same way at that point. It was too little too late. I do love him, but now he doesn't even want to be friends, and I can understand it's painful for him. He was never bad to me, I just felt like the game was more important, even though I'm sure he loved me.

Another thing to point out is emotional growth. The human brain doesn't stop maturing until around 25. That means, that you are still figuring yourself out up till then, and your tastes and interests can and do change a lot during ages 14-26. Sadly, it just might be that she changed, and you were not what she wanted anymore. This is more common for girls than guys. I think she really cares for you and didn't want to hurt you, but probably didn't understand what was going on herself.

chazellelind · Accepted Answer

Firstly, Id like to say that I am really sorry that you had to go through something like that. Must suck to hear someone simply doesn't love you anymore. Kinda leaves you with the short end of the stick.

On the other hand, this is reality, and people will be people...and it all comes down to this...

If you feel like you have to look for reasons to still want to be in a realtionship with someone, you get over it after a while. Maybe she just realized that you aren't actually compatible, some things you do or say might have annoyed or offended her. This happens all the time if you rush into a relationship too quickly without getting to know someone well enough to sum them up. Unfortunately, this happened to you...you need to gather yourself, stand up from this and be three times wiser and apply this knowledge to your next relationship attempt. Let this girl go...you will waste a lot of time, heart ache and energy thinking there still is a possibility that this might still work out...and even if she does ever come back with her tail between her legs, grab a mic and belt the tune "I will survive"...she simply doesn't deserve a guy like you anymore...HER LOSS!

Best wishes

xxxx

sparkle1 · Accepted Answer

I feel the same about my bf... we've been together for over 3 years now... but after a year or so I started getting the feeling that he doesn’t care about me or even US as much; like he'd be out on our first anniversary with his friends drinking.. We fought a lot on this other such issues... at that point in time I loved him a lot and wanted it to work for us... But after a year or so of fighting and on and off break-up / going on breaks (which would last anywhere from a week to a month) we are still together... he was recently out of the country for 4 months and after the first month I stopped talking to him.. Now when I spend some time with him I don’t feel that pull / chemistry anymore...

he's treating me / US better, taking more time out but I just don’t seem to be able to give a damn anymore.. But now for a few days if I don’t talk to him / see him I miss him... I guess that's kinda natural.. :)

I told him I don’t love him anymore, he wants to give it another 2 months and see where we land... but I think we are done...

Not sure if this helped...

ZenSpace · Answer

Women really do seem to have a biological clock.

Lets look at marriages as an example. I believe that whether you actually get married or not, if you are with a girl in a serious relationship for more than a year or 2, all relationships follow similar arcs.

Over half of all Marriages end in divorce, and more than half of all relationships end in break-up. SO the truth is, a large majority of the time when a guy and a girl are together for several years, they break up. You are not alone, what happened to you is normal. Assuming you got over your first "hump" (no pun intended) and were together for more than a few months, the 2 of you probably settled into the path that most relationships follow, so lets examine that path, and see what we can learn.

OK, so here we go.

Most divorces come after about 2-5 years. Most of the time, the person who begins the relationship was the man and the person who ended the relationship was the woman. These are facts. Lets look at what happens over the course of that cycle.

Guy meets girl, guy feels attracted to girl, and wants to have sex with her, girl can't make up her mind if she wants to have sex, so she holds out to let the guy court her. Then they have sex eventually.

Now the ball is in the guys court, he has had sex and is no longer horny, now the guys asks himself if he wants to be in a long term relationship with this girl or not, usually this goes on for a few months. If after a few months, they are still together, the guy has probably decided he will not leave her.

Now the ball is back in the woman's court. They stay together longer, after a year or 2 goes by, they either get married and have kids or they don't. (this is a common, and perfectly reasonable reason for break ups, since the 2 people want different things in life). Eventually, the woman starts thinking about her entire life and future and asks herself if she wants to be with this one guy for her whole life. This usually takes place about 2-5 years in. At this point she either decides yes, and stays with the guy, or decides no and leaves him.

For some reason, men seem to fully commit to being with a girl his whole life sooner than women. Men make that commitment after 1-2 years, women make that commitment after more like 5 years.

Also, women seem to follow a natural cycle. They get bored with routine, they require change and newness constantly, even after 20 years. So where as men are more willing to fall into a routine, women will be ok with that routine for 2 years, but eventually get sick of it.

WIthout having any real details on what happened in your case, it seems like that is what happened here. Perhaps the relationship stopped being exciting for her. It was not that you did anything wrong, it was just that she reached a point where she asked herself. "Do I want the next 50 years of my life to be like this?" and she slowly realized that this life was not enough for her

Thats my opinion on the matter.

thetheme · Answer

You treated her good and she is insecure. Women do this all the time to men out there that treat them good. The spark is gone and the reason is probably she figured that you weren't a man to her. Being too smothering, too clingy, telling her you love her all the time, always being there... That's a pattern that women say that they want, but when it comes down to it, they will leave you because you weren't a challenge. So now you have to work on yourself to not do these things again until you meet someone that is more mature to handle the good treatment. You have to "play the game" or you will not be viewed as "desirable" to women. So now don't chase her, don't call text or email her. You have to move on because in her mind she already has, and there is nothing you can do or say that will change her mind except go the opposite direction. So work on yourself, go out with friends and family but don't talk about the relationship, be positive, have fun, start dating, get some new clothes, enjoy your hobbies and so on. If she contacts you and offers to be just friends decline that, you must keep your self respect intact. Remember, the only one that can make you happy is you.

shortansweet1923 · Answer

Actually I am in the process right now of "falling out of love". I have been gradually seeing my boyfriend as more of a friend than a boyfriend. Personally my boyfriend is too smothering. He never gives me a chance to text him he ALWAYS texts me first and at first it was cute that everyday he texted me at the same time if I didn't text him but it is just gettiing to be too routine. But he hasn't done anything wrong. Sometimes feelings just change over time but my advice to you is to try and be at least friends with her.

IStarrr · Answer

Yes I have.

I fell for him from the minute I saw him (love at first sight I'm assuming) and we dated for six months until one day he decide to ask that we become exclusive, but I just knew that my heart wasn't there anymore.

The reasons were: he was working (or whatever he was doing) a lot and more than once I'd find myself sitting alone on a Saturday night; he didn't help me with boyfriend stuff (related to my car for example); he was stingy; he forgot about my birthday and didn't try to make up later.

So yeah, it didn't happen overnight, but I fell out of love with him. We still text each other once in a blue moon, but I wouldn't know what to talk to him about if I ever saw him.

Tamikaze · Answer

Yes, I have fallen out of love and I would agree it is gradual. It is not like you wake up one day and don't love someone. It is through all the little things, and the arguments you have with yourself to try and talk yourself out of feeling less for your partner, and time, that you end up not loving someone.

People fall out of love for a variety of reasons. I think that overall loss of an emotional connection is at the root of it. For me it comes with losing that sense that my partner is really interested in my well-being. Instead, they argue with me and tell me what I feel and want is not valid. They stop feeling like my buddy and start feeling like the enemy. It's when we used to have fun together doing almost nothing and now have little fun doing anything.

typewords · Answer

ha, I'm asking the same question as you are. Well kind of the opposite. I don't know if I am falling out of  love. Its actually both of us. I feel like I need space personaly, I love him with all my heart and so does he. But I feel as if he is always there, always wants to know what I'm doing , and he does his " I think a tear just fell". Sorry, I think its ok if  a guy cries,  because I cry too, but he over uses it.  I think  you should give her 6 months, or 3 months of waiting. than go back to her. if in 3 months she still says no, ok fine. come back another 3 months and see. Maybe she just wanted to feel love again , or just wanted to enjoy her self, beacuse she was to busy thinking of the both of you she never had time for just her. Her as in, being with friends with out thinkin of you , or going / doing anything with out thinking of  a boyfriend. Hope this helps friends. I hope I find  my answer soon too.

Meggan · Answer

well I'm in the same position as you , I just got dumped two weeks  ago, the reason I got dumped was cause we faught to much I pushed him away, but I now relise I don't really love him anymore as mach either, mainly cause he was very reserved and couldn't let me fully love him, we had the most amazing relationship up until the last 6 months when we started talking bout breaking up, I think if you start talking bout breaking up, from that moment on your relationship is doomed.. so look bak at the end, what was different from the start, then you probably have you answer...

Irrelevance · Answer

It happens all the time. Falling out of love doesn't happen overnight so it's safe to assume that she's being sincere since she said it was gradual.

When people get past the honeymoon phase things start getting serious and if you're the kind of guy that goes all out on the first few dates and then slows things down, it won't be the same after three months because that initial rush from something new is lost.

Then there are the girls who are addicted to "falling in love". These girls tend to bail out quickly because they're excited by the start of a relationship, not the intimacy of a long term companionship.

If you change from the person you were at the beginning of the relationship, girls are great at picking up on this and will leave for that reason too.

There are tonnes of reasons but instead of looking for a reason, it's much easier to think, "Well, we had a good run" and call it quits. Looking for a reason causes more problems than not knowing in my experience.

AJ6996 · Answer

Hey man, honestly yes I have fallen out of love. It was for different reasons probably, we just didn't have the same interests, and we wanted different things, it got to the point in which I was forcing things, and I promise you, you would rather have it end there, then for her to pretend. Sometimes it just happens for soo many reasons, maybe she wasn't ready for a serious relationship who knows

female0818 · Answer

i have fallen out of love before

it was because my ex didn't have nothing to give anymore

ill I wanted from him was love, he always fought with me thinking I was always cheating

always the same fights I got sick of it

it was like watching the same movie everyday

we dated for 3 years

i guess we just grew apart and I wanted someone to love me

queenb2000 · Answer

i've never been in love until recently actually. but I have experienced strong feelings close to loving someone and when that ended, my heart was sooo heavy. it takes a while even after a breakup. I think it is always gradual when feelings for someone diminishes, but I believe you don't really stop caring for them entirely.

but hey, people change, their needs and desires change as well. try not to take it too heavily. we can't help how we feel. it hurts but you'll recover from it.

ConfusedGherl · Answer

There's nothing wrong with the person it's just that she probably wants something different something new... if it's meant to be she'll be back for more but you should never let that hold you back... why give someone the stars and the moon when they can't give you the sun? I fell out of love because I wasn't feeling it anymore I sacrificed a lot for the guy and he didn't do sh_t but that's probably not the case for you so I won't use me as an example...

Littletad · Answer

This would only happen, I assume, if I was cheated on or the person became someone else over time. I know we all grow in wisdom and age, but sometimes you can fall out of love for this very reason. Especially if you feel they have become someone else.

suki248 · Answer

I did once. It was because my s.o. wasn't meeting my needs and was too focused on themselves. I couldn't blame them completely though, they were young and still unsure about themselves. Still, they stopped trying in the relationship and had other priorities so I got sick of it. But eventually I realized I wasn't that in love to begin with.

Cluelesswithmen · Answer

I think you can still have love someone (like love them as a person and care about their well being. Much like a really good friend) but not be in love with them. Sometimes our love for someone can change over time. People grow together and some grow apart. That doesn't mean they don't love you as a person.

Anonymous · Answer

oh man iv'e fallen out of love fast to many times. some reason were that the guy thought he could control me. He drank to get messed up drunk. Didn't want to pull his weight. Lies a lot. There are a lot more reasons but I don't know you or your gf. so sorry! I can't really tell you why

Anonymous · Answer

never fell out of love before but my guy's ex fell out of love with him:

-they had little in common *he liked video games, she didn't

*he didn't like dancing and raves, she did

*she liked to drink a lot, he didn't

etc

etc

anyways, so she cheated on him for a few months then kicked him out and he waited for her but oh wells, that's how the cookie crumbles.

so personally I can't help you because I've never felt that whole "fallen out of love thing" and hope I don't.

kitkatkissko · Answer

I am sorry to say that I have.  Initially, everything was great.  Then I started to notice little habits/mannerisms that I just couldn't stand and after a while when I thought of him, that was all that I could think of. Through this process, I lost my attraction to him and began to see him as a somewhat odd friend.

Trihill · Answer

Falling out of love is simply put, out of sight out of mind.

Smothering, controlling, jealousy, fighting, misjudging, not listening, communication levels decrease, etc. are examples of falling out of love.

LivelyMind · Answer

Nope , cause I've nver been in love * but I believe tht everyone falls in and out of love throughout their lifetime ...however you truly do when you find the one you want to spend the rest of ur life w/*

Have you ever fallen OUT of love?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said