Do guys like girls that are very career focused?

[Anonymous]

I can't help but wonder if guys don't date me because i'm focused on my career. I notice other girls getting guys while nobody seems to take much interest or even if they do... most guys body language seems to take a nosedive after i tell them my career.

Do guys feel like i won't be a good mother or family person. I would like guys to be honest. Do you guys feel intimidated? Please answer honestly guys. Thanks

[pnl86]

Look, if you want the Disney/Hallmark version, then read some other opinion.

The cold truth is that men (even "good" men), look at a woman and think sex. What is the PRIMARY reason men (AND WOMEN) associate with one another? SEXUAL REPRODUCTION. Everything else in this world, we can attain it ourselves and DO NOT NEED to opposite sex in order to acquire, EXCEPT SEXUAL REPRODUCTION.

Now, if you grew up a guy, in the United States, you're not exactly worried about never getting married. No boy out there worries, "Omg, what if I never find a woman to marry me? What if I never find a wife?" Additionally, no boy out there worries, "I hope my wife has a good job. I don't want to be with some deadbeat. She's got to be able to support and provide for her family, that's attractive to other men, and it's attractive to me." Sorry, doesn't happen!

So, if that's NOT what guys are thinking about, what ARE they thinking about? PERSONALITY? Please. There are only two (2) "hard" assets in sexual reproduction: (a) resources, (b) genetics. You sound like someone that's taken an Intro to Economics class. One island makes oil, the other makes uranium. The island that makes the oil wants uranium, and the island that makes the uranium wants oil. We have the potential for trade.

Whether men can articulate it or not is a different story, but men are generally interested in "genetic quality." If you observe the act of sex, it's essentially a dance, whereby the female is advertising her genetic quality to the male, the male either is not interested or forms the desire for that genetic quality, and the female "extracts" (i. e., coaxes the male to surrender) his genetic material "inside" her.

If you observe the role-play of a typical "relationship," the female has a similarly "active" role, whereby she coaxed the male to "commit" himself "to her," in order to "secure" the "resources" he has to offer: either (a) current (i. e., assets), or (b) future (i. e., revenue).

As sexist and as unpopular as this may sound, men don't grab a Forbes 500 magazine and jerk it to Oprah. You can't make the cognitive error of wishful thinking.. fantasizing that men assign the same weighted value to female qualities as women assign to male qualities.

Lastly, "time" is a limited resource. If a woman is focused on not being feminine and sexually valuable, well.. then she can't be a career women + the best friend's wife everyone else desires.

[Jnerdy97]

Yea dude you don't know me so don't speak for me. I want my future wife to have a good job. I did worry if I was going to ever get married.

[pnl86]

@Jnerdy97 me too, but it's not what makes me interested in or attracted to a girl.. it's a deal "breaker," not a deal "maker."

[Barrabus_the_Free]

You're 30+, AND a career woman. Yep, we've found the problems.

Men don't care about your career. That's something women care about, and they project that onto men. But we really don't care.

It basically boils down to:
-be young and pretty
- absolutely DO NOT be fat
-be pleasant to be around

That's it. We're not that difficult to please. We don't seek out doctors or lawyers, we don't care what kind of car you drive, we don't care that you only wear designer labels (unless we see it as the monumental waste of money that it is), we don't care about whatever title you have at work. Be young and attractive, weigh what you ought to, and be a source of happiness, not stress.

I personally have never been willing to bother with career women. If I'm getting in a relationship, I want a companion, not a competitor. And if I want stress, I'll take a position at work where I supervise 45 other guys, work mad overtime, and am responsible for the safety of tens of millions of dollars worth of property and hundreds of lives.

[amphet11]

This is the truth, in regard to what 90% of men think.

[IceCubedude]

I approve and agree, good comment.

[lawstudent931]

Some get a little "oh wow..." when I tell them my plans hahah, but I'm a person before anything. I actually don't find guys turned off by it, even though one did say he wouldn't date anyone in the law field because it's "so overwhelming." He still texts to ask me out haha. I'd say, as long as you're not making your career the complete center of your life, you'll be fine with any guy. I know I'll be busy in the future, but I also have many plans to travel and be happy with my boyfriend. I wouldn't even date a man that was obsessed with his job and let his life revolve around it, no thanks.

[Brokenheartedx]

To an extent.. men want to see themselves as the main breadwinner.. if a woman is earning more it could cause problems..

it's not about liking it's about respecting, a man will respect a woman who can earn her own money and not rely on him for everything. They respect a woman who can stand on her own 2 feet.

[NyomiMcClinton]

Congrats on being who are!! There is nothing wrong with being career minded. I think thats whats going on here is that men are use to women acting slutty. Some guys actually prefer needy and clingy women. Its sad but a true. If a guy gets intimidated by that, then u dont need him around

[hellionthesagereborn]

Its not intimidation, why do women always use that as an excuse? Why must everything be spun in such away that the woman is clearly superior and the man is just insecure or bad. The fact is if you are career oriented that means yoru trying to take on the provider role which is the male role both socially and biologically. Its masculine which is not attractive to begin with but then you ad the fact that if your career focused then yes by extention your not going to make a good mother because you either focus on your career or you focus on your family its one or the other (hence the division of labor). Your not going to be focused on him and your not going to be focused on family and if you are then by extention you will have to sacrifice career to do so. This is also basicly you saying you want to be the man which of course men are not going to find attractive, they want women not men with vagina's. Further more women who earn more don't date down so that causes more issues because now he has to do even more to maintain the relationship then he was doing before (this is why in relationships where the woman earns more or he is a stay at home dad result in both parties either cheating or the woman choosing to divorce him). Its a really crap situation. If you want to be career oriented fine but that's going to be at the expense of family, why do you think their are not as many female CEO'S? Because the hours and effort you need to put in to get to that point require you to sacrifice time with family which most women do not want (technically men don't want that either but being the provider biologically and socially does encourage that they make that sacrifice if its for the over all well being of their children and families).

[Dim_121]

For me it depends cause when I talk with women who are career focused. That is their only focus. They don't care about dating or meeting guys until they get lonely and start to complain to their friends about it.
As a guy when a girl says that she is career focus usually to me that tells me that her career is the most important thing to her. Until she gets it. As a date, freind, freind of a freind. She will always put her career and schooling first. So cause I want to mean the world to the girl that I want to date. That is off putting knowing that I won't mean as much as her job.
Do I think that you will eventually be a good mother sure you will after you reach your goals. Till then your goals are first.
I usually see two career driven students together who are both focused on their goals and use each other to help them blow off steam, study, and socialise.

[truthbeknown]

No problem with me. In fact, that is more of an attracting quality because I am sick and tired of seeing a lot of women who trap guys into thinking he is the only source of income because she wants to be a stay at home mommy and play house while he works his ass off every day to make ends-meet! Not fair in my opinion. Both need to work!

[Asker]

thanks :)

[brocklee]

Most men do not like having to take a backseat to a career. The reality is a woman that focuses on her career tends to make that top priority, which is fine and respectable. Finding a guy that is secure and not emotionally needy so she is free to maintain focus is the really hard part.

If you want to see a sample of the mindset, just peek around here and look at how many times people of both sexes say "If you are not #1 priority, they are not right for you." The reality is in some peoples lives the career is #1, for good reason. Lovers come and go and at the end of the day the career is the only thing you can truly count on being there for you and providing for you...

[Valeria511993]

I utterly agree with that!

Finding a man that is not threatened by your ambitions is difficult. I guess that it would be easier if you found a man that is as career focused as you because he could understand you better. He would not belittle you or try to make you feel guilty for it. He probably would be as supportive of you as you are of him.
That's my personal experience.

[lawstudent931]

100% agreed as well.

[Vertical807]

Eh, I would argue that at the end of the day, family is #1.

[brocklee]

A boyfriend is not family. That is the obstacle. Most men want to be made priority #1 in a relationship before things like marriage and children come around.

[Adenn]

I think it depends on the career, and the guy. For me, I feel like I need to be the provider for the family, it is extremely difficult for me to have the woman be the main provider. If I am still contributing I am okay with it, even if she is making more than me. I just wouldn't like being the "stay at home dad". That would drive me crazy.

There are a lot of guys that are intimidated by the woman if she is way smarter than them. If she is a lawyer, doctor, etc. some guys can't handle it. I don't think it would matter for me. I say good for you for getting that much education.

[HandsomeRaj]

Can't talk for everyone but these are my individual views
1. Every individual immaterial of gender has a right to choose what they want to do with their life
2. Both the guy and girl need to take responsibility for everything together when they are in a relationship unless they decide mutually that one will earn and the other will handle home - in either case both remain equal and respectful towards each other
3. I have no problems with a career focused girl so long as she's not a workaholic and thinks only her work / career has precedence over everything else (the same goes for me as well)

[BZerpy]

I am very attracted to career focused women. Unfortunately I've never met one because they are working. What places do you hang out at when not working?

[Asker]

i often go to a few social events

[pooper89]

Lolz

[mits777]

I am an ambitious guy with a great career so far and I like ambitious and strong willed girls, but not at the point of sacrificing family for it! The girl need to be considerate about family matters. It then depends on the couple, with understanding always the couple can came up with a solution which doesn't sacrifice either family or career for each other. If the girl values her career more then the family and the partner then I see that as a problem and won't date her at all. I want someone to stay with me a compact family, stay with children etc

[Anonymous]

Depends. Personally I like intelligent, driven women. One of my exes was very organized, frugal and focused on her career. It turned me on very much that she had focus and dreams. However I have met other women who take the "feminist" angle and brag about how great they are competing in a so called "mans" world (not true anymore imo).

I have a new girlfriend who has dreams of becoming a doctor (she's a college student, younger). I like that very much too.

Personally I think it's great that you career oriented. However don't ever complain about "glass ceilings" or brag about being a "strong woman" because you are focused on your career. That's an insult to women who want to settle down and raise a family. Women like that are not weak. They are just traditional.

Best way is to go about your career, work hard, don't ever brag or complain and decent men who notice this and appreciate you for it.

[GGazpacho]

Ya, i second that. I especially despise a girl who gives her career 90-100%. It kills her relationships with friends and family and other activities

[LethalTactics]

Well this being said, you are persay independent. A lot of guys like to control their women like objects. Since you have something going for you it may be because they know if they did something wrong in the relationship that you don't need them since you are independent. While you focus on you your priorities could change making a relationship hard to keep together. Personally I'd like a girl that's focused on her career because, its attractive

[IceCubedude]

The truth? no guy hates a smart woman who has a good job, but making that job the reason you live is not cool, i am sorry but me personally i feel turned off if a girl is too invensted in her job and studies that she doesn't really do much else, it shows she lacks social skills, is boring, not easy to talk to or get close with, and you have to put in more effort while other girls with jobs who are as attractive or even more are much more willing to give you a chance.

[Anonymous]

I think some guys do get intimidated. A lot of guys aren't used to seeing career oriented women since the stay at home mom thing is what people are used to. Plus some guys think you'll focus too much on your career and not them, or that you make more money than them.

[Luci92]

I feel like this dude is actually being honest... it's appreciated.

[Opinion Owner]

@Luci92 Yeah. From my observation men still want to feel "manly" and many of them think they may not feel that way with a woman who's more "traditional" in that sense.

[Luci92]

I think you're on the money tbh.

[Opinion Owner]

@Luci92 Thanks. I mean, I personally don't feel this way, I don't mind career women, but I just know how some other men think.

[Luci92]

Yeah ofc, not every guy thinks like this, but it makes sense.

[Opinion Owner]

@Luci92 Do you plan on being a career woman?

[Luci92]

Yep, I got big (and fairly unrealistic) dreams, but they say aim for the stars right?

[Asker]

Thanks for being honest. I actually think that if i had kids i would want to be with them, but i feel like guys are interested in me but feel less manly if i earn more

[Opinion Owner]

Considering you're in your 30s, from my experience the older guys your age would have a bigger problem with it compared to the ones my age. Men in general are prideful in their masculinity and a lot feel threatened by a woman who over shadows them in traditionally male dominated aspects in life such as earning more money. Then there's the other guys who won't even bother because they feel no woman would ever date a guy who makes less money than them.

[Johann]

Some guys are afraid of being with a partner "so focused" on her career, they see it as a "selfishness" this type of guys search for "dedicated" partner, they believe that their women should live for them, they see a woman as a source of peace & relief, which they should found in their homes escaping from the problems & stress of life.
However there is another type seek this kind of women like yourself they see life as a challenge & the only way to gain this challenge is to gather efforts with their partner against this obstacles.
I think you just have to chose well or instead let him chose you.

[Oram52]

I find ambitious girls very attractive, many guys do. The question however is what comes first career or relationship. Like you said what about being a good mother or what about family. If she is so fixated in her career would she be a good mother, what would come first career or family.

Family/relationship always come first.

[Saoirse_Nua]

Tough one - It would not be an issue for me - Maybe for some guys but I have been living in a dual income society for a long time where men and women both go for best jobs possible and stick with them through the settling down process up to having children.

[Browneye57]

It's not intimidation. It's a sure sign their mate and relationship will always take a backseat to their career. This is a big red flag for a guy looking for a wife.
Guys are not that interested in your career - they're interested in whether you are interested in them.
What exactly do you bring to a potential relationship? Work on that if you ever hope to have one.

[ShortCircuit]

If she is career focused, then she is more likely to be loaded. Fine by me.

I'd just be concerned that she wouldn't have enough time to spend with me.

[singlebee]

Well I don't think they have a problem with your career... But I think if you are telling them that you are very career focused then you must be giving a vibe that nothing is more important to you than career. then they must be thinking that you won't be a good relationship material or wife or whatever...

They must be thinking that you will be very busy (which you will be) and won't be able to give them for relationship...

Maybe that's why?

[Kiran04]

Nope. Not really. Women who are career focused tend to forsake all other things. Well, I have no interested in being forsaken, so I'll just move right along. Women are more than free to pursue their careers to their heart's content with all the passion and energy they choose. They can do it just fine without me.

[HonestWhiteGuy]

Not really no, because usually it means you dont have time for the guy you are too busy with work.

This is the problem guys have with feminists. Feminists put all their energy into "competing with men" while saying all along they dont need a man, then when they hit 35 with no kids they start questioning if they made the right choice.

Its too late then, they chose work over a family and thats your choice, live with it