He still keeps pictures of his ex?

[Anonymous]

My hub still keeps pics of him and both of his exs. However, for our pics, he would tear them up whenever we get into arguments. Id ask him why he still wants to keep them and he always makes excuses about how he wants to cut himself out, when its been years, and he doesn't even do anything about it. Like as if he just wants to keep them. But for my pics w my guy friends, he demands me to delete all of them right there, right then. He also deleted all my youthful years pics where i do fun activities and such from hs, it pisses me off. Now i dont even have any of them left to look at. All of those pics of mine has nothing to do with love, like his. He doesn't have pics of him and his friends, or himself, but he only has pics of him and both of his exs. It pisses me off, i dont want my kids to see them and think why their father have so many girls, and not have any pics with his mom. We dont ever have any pics at all because he fuckin tears them up, but he doesn't do that to the pics w both of his exs. what to do?

[Pink934]

Hmm. I have to say I'm with you on this, I really don't agree with him keeping pictures of his exes. Yes, that may well be his history. But history of relationships are always complex, and in my opinion, they should be left in the past. No keep sakes, no pictures of exes, no reminders. You need to get rid of it all in order to truly move on with your life. Especially if you know these people won't be part of your life again.

He has no right to make you delete pictures of you and friends, those are memories you've made that you may want to hold onto. And for anyone who tries to say I've just contradicted myself, these kind of memories are totally different than keeping memories of broken relationships.

They're kept in the past so that we can move on and learn from before. It's only fair it's giving you 100% of his love, attention and honour hun, don't settle for any less.

I reckon it's time to lay the cards down and have a chat with him. He needs to know this is about you and him, not you him Sandra and Sally.

[Pink934]

And you're right. Your future little ones are gonna want to see pictures of mummy and daddy. Not Sandra, Sally and daddy.

[Asker]

Yes you're correct, i agree with you! Thanks for understanding me. Unlike the other comments.

[Pink934]

You welcome! I'm actually bemused as to why other people don't understand what you're getting at to be honest, seems like it's pretty obvious!

[Asker]

I agree with you, its common sense but some people just dont get it.

[Pink934]

Exactly, really don't understand why :/

[Felinegirl]

I understand him wanting to keep pictures of all parts of his life, but making you delete your pictures at the same time is something I'd get seriously pissed about. They're yours and getting rid of them is not his decision to make!

[Anonymous]

You need to point that out to him. Stand up for yourself as your being his doormat. If it doesn't matter to him tell him you want to see him get rid of them

[super147]

Yeah, that's entirely unreasonable and unfair. He can't expect you to delete photos from your past while he keeps his and you shouldn't stand for that. You have the ability to say no so start saying it. He has to realise that a marriage is about give and take, not about take and take.

[RasmusAiken]

The pics he keeps are his history. As long as he doesn't place them out for all to see, you need to let him keep them. As for shredding pictures of you. . . he does this to wound you and he figures they're replaceable anyway. The solution is not to get in a vicious argument.

[Asker]

Yes i understand that, but he said that if i still want to keep the pics of me and my guy friends, that means i miss them. So that would mean that he misses both of his ex thats why he still keeps them. I dont even want to delete my pics, but i only do it for the sake of our relationship. If i were to keep them, there will be problems. My pics have nothing to do w love like his.

[BeautifulPromisesx]

That's messed up. If I was you, I'd seriously have a talk with him about this.

[Dred1614returns]

It's part of our history. I have a framed picture of my ex and I, and it's not going anywhere.

[Pink934]

Why though? This makes no sense to me. How's your future girlfriend meant to feel about that?

[Dred1614returns]

@Pink934 it's part of who I am. She's a wonderful woman, and things just didn't work out for us. Hopefully, a future girlfiend wouldn't be so petty.

[Pink934]

But it seems to me like you still love her? I mean, surely a woman will come along someday who will turn out to be even more wonderful? I don't think it's petty at all, it would signal to me that I wasn't the object of my guy's affection if he had a framed photo of his ex lying around...

[Dred1614returns]

@Pink934 I in no way still love her. I know that a more wonderful woman will come my way eventually. Would it bother you if I had a picture of my best friend and I?

[Asker]

Well a pic w you and your friend girl is fine, but one w you and your ex is different.

[Dred1614returns]

How?

[Asker]

What do you mean how? Its common sense. Your relationship w your friend girl is different from the relationship you have with your ex.

[Dred1614returns]

Not really. My relationship with my ex is non existent. My best friend, who is a woman, and I have a much stronger and involved relationship than my ex and I do. My ex is nothing but a distant memory. I haven't seen her sense the break up last year, and probably never will again.

[Pink934]

Well why keep a photo of her hanging around? That makes absolutely no sense.

[Dred1614returns]

@Pink934 I don't see why it's why different from a photo of my and my friends.

[Pink934]

Because friends are non-sexual entities. You never love friends in the same way you loved a partner. It's just not the same, and you know that. If you truly loved a person? You can never have a purely platonic relationship with him/her and it's simply not fair on the next woman you bring into your life.

[Dred1614returns]

@Pink934 actually, if she's not petty, there shouldn't be a problem. My relationship with my ex is non existent, I'll likely never see her again. If you really want to know, my ex and I did not get sexual.

[Pink934]

Ha, being irritated by the fact you still keep a picture of an ex does not make a girl petty, it actually makes you petty for clutching onto the past. Unless the ex died and you were still together or you broke up for a reason such as she was dying from cancer, there's no excuse to still store a picture of her. You've got your whole life ahead of you, one day you'll marry a woman and have kids with her and she sure as heck ain't gonna want a picture of your ex lying about the house for the kids to see. Get rid of it, stop being selfish and focus on moving forward, not living in the past.

[Dred1614returns]

@Pink934 It's not like I wake up and salute the damn picture every morning. It's in a box of other stuff from the past that I haven't seen in months. It's not like it's just a picture of her, either. It's a picture of us at a football game. Hell, nobody would ever see it unless I dug it out and showed them. If that upsets anyone, that's a person I'm better off without.

[Pink934]

Yeah well, you're only 21. You'll find you discard that with time.

[Dred1614returns]

@Pink934 you're too young to use the "you're only 21" line.

[Pink934]

I'm really not, I have a lot of life experience for only being 23. And a mature head on me. :)

[Dred1614returns]

@Pink934 cute

[Pink934]

Absolutely :)

[blutwolfe]

sounds like its time to break up

[Iron_Man]

We all do its Part of our history