Does personality REALLY matter?

[Maypai]

Every time you ask someone what is more important, personality or appearance, most people will say personality but when it comes down to it, is it really? I have seen countless of amazing people with amazing personalities get turned down just because of the way that they look, whether it's because they're too average looking or they're "ugly". I have had people choose to turn me down due to my appearance even though they told me I had an amazing personality and I know they weren't just saying it to be polite, I've been told by countless of people that I have an "unforgettable" personality but for the most part it just stays at that. I try not to let that get me down, but it's a thought that's constant on my mind. Why don't people just be truthful and admit that appearance means more to them than someone's personality, intellect, the time they've spent with you and the memories you both have with each other.

I met this one guy online and we began talking to each other through messages and Skype for a few weeks. We ended up building feelings for each other, I made him happy and he made me happy as well. He was depressed before I met him, so when I came into his life he told me I just lite him up and made his days so much better. He was even able to make me cry one time due to his kinds words. When we both decided to exchange pictures after talking for a few more weeks we both promised that despite our appearances, we would feel the same. Of course after exchanging photos he did a complete 180. The main reason we didn't exchange photos in the first place was due to us not focusing too much on each others looks.

I understand that people say personality factors into the way they see people as well as looks, but how much does personality really factor into your perception of someone? How much does looks factor in? Are you personally willing to let an amazing person get away just because they're not beautiful? When does it become acceptable to write someone off by looks?

[WalterRadio]

Your problem is that you are a bit overweight.

I have dated women who are not all that attractive, but have great bodies and a nice personality. Someone who is overweight may be fine as a friend, but there is zero sexual attraction there. It isn't going to happen.

There is sort of a rock paper scissors thing too. A nice body and good personality can overcome an unattractive face. A pretty face and nice body can overcome a rotten personality (for sleeping with, not for actually spending time together). But nothing overcomes being overweight.

However, this is not a show stopper by any means. You just have to find a guy who likes the kind of girl you are. That may mean, going for a guy with a nice personality, but isn't such a hunk.

[Maypai]

How do you know that I am overweight though? You can't even see my body in my profile picture.

[WalterRadio]

Your profile picture shows enough of it.

Do you deny that you are overweight?

[Maypai]

I am currently in the process of losing weight, I have loss 10 pounds so far and I plan to lose another 10, but guys have never commented on my weight being the issue. So that's new.

[WalterRadio]

Most guys won't tell women what they don't want to hear.

[Maypai]

My weight is not a big deal, dude. I'm not fat.

[WalterRadio]

You are the one complaining she can't get a date.

Nothing personal here. Just listen to what people are telling you, and when I say that being overweight can be a turn off, it can be a turn off.

That you are losing weight is great. But at your age, this is going to be a lifetime struggle. It will take some serious willpower on your part.

[Maypai]

You're the only one pointing out my weight though. Nobody else said a thing about my weight except for you.

[WalterRadio]

Most people like to pretend it doesn't matter. They will smile and say, "Oh how beautiful you are", but it doesn't mean you can believe them.

Still, the best advice is to look for the kind of guy that likes the kind of girl you are.

[Maypai]

I mean on this thread, you can say whatever you'd like, but you're the only one who even brought up my weight. Last time I checked, one person pointing something out doesn't make it fact. My weight does not define how much I'm worth and if a guy can not see past that, then fuck him. I'm sick and tired of shallow, close minded people. Everyone wants to preach about good health and loving yourself no matter what, but the moment someone doesn't fit society's standards, then Oh well! Might as well become a piece of trash because they're not worth shit.

[WalterRadio]

"one person pointing something out doesn't make it fact."
Actually, if only one person is correct, then everyone else is wrong or missing it.

[Maypai]

But you're not correct. Therefore what you said isn't fact. I don't have time for you mind games or foolery. You gave your opinion now good day.

[Junlian]

To me it does cause I need to know who and what I'm dealing with. I don't want a girl who's personality this is boring to me but she's hot. The relationship will fall flat soon.

[writing_essays]

I think you are over thinking the part about looks because it is not just being good looking and ugly. I prefer guys who fit my cultural stereotypes more than guys that are inherently good looking or ugly. If a guy is good looking but doesn't match the cultural standards I have in my head I will be turned off by him - not because he is ugly - but because he doesn't have the facial features I look for in a guy, and since I don't date only Asian men my cultural stereotypes are different. The other thing is I don't date people for their looks even if I might reject a guy that looks older than me (i. e. has more wrinkles on his face, is weaker physically, has a decadent voice) but to me that is a matter of physical fitness and compatibility.

[Maypai]

I can see what you're saying. A lot of people tend to stick to who looks like them the most or like you said, that fit your cultural standards.

[Anonymous]

Looks matter to some extent. But looks can be manipulated by style, clothes, make up, hairdo and level of fitness.
After the initial attraction, it's the personality that makes the other person stick around not their looks.
My advice to you is to wait a few years until you're older and then don't get involved in long "online" affairs. They usually lead to nowhere. Meet them after a few online encounters in person. When real people are involved in face to face matters, things are quite different.

[NyomiMcClinton]

Looks first and then personality for most people. And as much as people say "well looks doesn't matter it does". I think a lot of people mean by this is that they still want someone who is generally attractive but she doesn't necessarily have to look like a supermodel or have the best body there is.

[lovydoey]

Personality matters, is not like u will marry a guy/girl only for looks and not stand their personality or goals

[Maypai]

Exactly! I was also reading online that people tend to lose that initial attraction towards extremely attractive partners within the first 14 months of their relationships. Someone's self worth should NOT be based off of how they look.

[lovydoey]

Yea. That's why I'm tired of hearing "goals" in social media when they measure a "true" relationship on looks. Like looks can banish but a true and beautiful heart remains always.

My crush for example, I though of him as good looking. Yet in the eye of my family and friends he was just average. And I started liking him for who he is. Who what he stands for, and how he is with his love ones

[Maypai]

Thank you! Even if I don't find someone attractive right off the bat, them more I get to know them and their life story, the more attractive they become to me. I wish some people would realize that to find someone truly attractive, not just pleasing to the eye, you have to get to know, love and cherish them.

[lovydoey]

True true. I keep telling people in GaG that ask "I'm not pretty/handsome will I be single forever" that those things don't matter. Only a shallow minded person will care of the outer shell but someone that truly loves u, will care for what's on the inside.

Lol u have no idea how glad this makes me. Lol most people think I'm against them for telling them that looks is not that important for a relationship

[Maypai]

Ugh! I tell people the same thing as well. The funny thing is I wouldn't have believed it two or so years ago until I met this guy who was not the best looking guy, but I fell for him and how he was. :)

[lovydoey]

Lol same with me. I don't fall for guys easily. Bit with him, he might not be the best looking but I like him a lot

[GoodLuckCharlie]

It's a 50/50. Looks matter a lot, but so does personality. If either one of these things aren't fulfilled, then you won't be attracted. Attraction first begins at the moment you see a good-looking person. Then, the list is narrowed down as you look at their personalities.

[Cosytoasty]

Think of attraction as a pie chart, you can't ignore any one part of it, you can only shift the amount of each part around.

Personally I would let someone get away if I wasn't attracted to them, simply because I'm a young guy who knows he can find the looks/personality combo and is willing to wait and be picky.

[BluesBoy]

First that would be great to define "personnality".

Secondly, look will always be more important cause whatever "personnality" is culture, intelligence, kindness or whatever this thing is, you can always work on it while for look you either normal, beautifull or a trash and you can't outwork your face. That's harsh but the truth.

[Kanor0]

They are both important. A beautiful personality cannot compensate for bad appearance. However a beautiful face cannot compensate for an ugly personality. In my humble opinion, as long as a girl is NOT ugly then that's all I care about physically. Her personality is the most important when it comes down to it. Any looks that are above "average" are only a bonus, not a requirement. Nobody can honestly say that they'd enjoy making out with and/or having sex with someone who is butt ugly.

[JSmuve]

Saying personality matters more than looks is some PC bulllshit. Fact is, looks and personality are pretty damn important, probably 50/50. A relationship is built on emotional and sexual attraction. You can't have a strong relationship if one is lacking.

[Maypai]

Looks fade. Personality doesn't. Someone's worth shouldn't be based off of how they appear. Psychical attraction usual follows suit in a relationship. I have seen plenty of relationships fall apart because people are so focused on looks. Looks are NOT everything. When you are willing to put time in effort into people, that's attractive. The more you get to know someone, the more they become attractive to you.

[JSmuve]

A fat chick with body hair and boils, no matter how great her personality is, will never be physically attractive to me.

And for the record, I never said looks are everything. If you reread my post, you'll certainly find that I said 50/50, as in personality is of similar importance to looks, not significantly less, so try not to get worked up.

[Maypai]

I wasn't referring to you. I was referring to the types of people that I was posting about. Nobody said that you have to find a fat chick with boils and body hair attractive. Again, I was referring back to the people I spoke about in my post, they're average people with average bodies.

Don't worry, I was not getting worked up. Trust me. The only reason why I capitalized the NOT was for emphasis on the word. Not because I had gotten worked up.

[Blade9470]

When i first met my ex i didn't think she was atractive but after i got to know her i thought she was beautiful

[Maypai]

That's usually how I am and those are the BEST relationships.

[conkrete721]

You have to be attracted to someone in order for personality to matter. How many guy friends do you have that you think have great personalities but you aren't attracted to?

Looks begins a relationship, personality is what keeps it going.

[Maypai]

I feel like a good portion of my male friends have been attracted to me but don't really bother to get to know me, and then I have the ones who KNOW me and love my personality, but I don't think are too fond of my outer appearance.

[MadeInAmerica]

Most of the time looks is what initially attracts someone to someone else as you don't much about the person before hand. Then you hope that personality matches what you see outside. So both are important.

[Kachatterjee]

Both looks, personality matter. But if a person sees you have nice looks but zero personality, he or she will lose respect for you.

If you have strong personality and not so nice look, you will earn respect.

[Luci92]

Personality and attractiveness both have equal value to me. One can ruin the other.

[hotstuffSRD]

Whatever she said 💁

[Luci92]

@hotstuffSRD Haha okay

[WhoStoleMySock]

No matter what, people need physical attraction as well. Yes, personality seals the deal, but I can't go out with someone if I don't think they're attractive..

[Guy_No1]

well it's very important when it comes to attraction, and if you have a great personality, then I don't see the issue, coz judging by your picture, you're a very gorgeous looking girl

[jman46241]

Only to those that value personality. That in itself can be a good thing or a bad thing lol

[USA2016]

I definitely would have to be physically attracted to a girl to be in a relationship. And I'm pretty sure most people are the same as me on this

[bedroomdweller]

Personality is in second place after looks. So yeah

[Dinu001]

Personality irrespective of gender really values a lot...

[Anonymous]

Looks matter more
I mean for personality to matter more than looks, one has to be really amazing

If not then looks are more important

[SuicidalTeen]

Often different to different people

[Justin85283]

Over the course of a relationship, YES!

[BMN2016]

Yes. Go by astrology sign.