Should I let a Friend call me a dumbass?

[Arianatinyelephant1]

So this girl I'm friends with called me a dumbass twice recently because of a comment I've made. She considers me her best friend, but I don't think I can trust her. I asked my best friend what she thought of someone who is suppose to be a close friend calling you a dumbass and she said she would be a little mad but she wouldn't make a big deal out of it.

My issue is that the girl who called me a dumbass has done many suspicious things such as:
didn't say "hi, bye, or thank you" when getting a ride from my mom.
She overreacts about everything (a girl asked her for a chip and she asked why. And when the girl left she asked me, would you ask someone for a chip. like its a fucking chip.. she j wanted a chip) I'm literally concerned for her brain.
And when she has a sleepover with people she'll leave RIGHT away in the morning.(I dont have sleepovers so it didn't happen to me)
she will also call me weird or ask "what are you doing" when I simply talk to someone else or do a simple ass action and she'll do this whenever we are around people.
she will always try to get my homework anwers (today she asked and didn't even let me answer before she said thanks)

she's an actual dumbass tho... not to be mean (I don't call her any names but I definitely will bc I'm pissed)
i literally have more sense than her by a bunch... she actually acts like the world revolves around her and I'm SICK of it

even though we have these rough times, we sometimes laugh a lot together and stuff. I'm just sick of keeping around people that treat me like shit. However she will also be like "when we are older we are totally gonna move to LA together and you can be my makeup artist. (I'm good at makeup)
we literally make up a fantasy together and it's fun but she also treats me like shit and I can't tell if it's suppose to be like a sister type of teasing or what...

What should I do? by the way she's BEING HOMESCHOOLED FOR THE REST OF HIGH SCHOOL AFTER THIS YEAR so am I wasting my time w her?

[alishahahhshss]

im in a similar situation
so basically i have this one friend, we've been friends for about a year now and she's actually so annoying (well, at least, i find her painfully annoying)
i joined this school a few months before she joined, i really had no friends until she came
she's one of my only friends in this country
at first, she seemed super friendly and nice but then as time went on she changed, in a way
like this one time, one of the girls from the lower grades hugged me out of nowhere and then my friend goes "awhh are you cheating on me with (name)"
tbh i let it slide, thinking it was just her way of being friends
but then she started acting so different in front of people, like this one time, we were sitting on a bench, trying to get our presentation ready and out of nowhere she starts calling me a dumbass which confused me quite a bit because as far as i knew, my lines were at the tip of my tongue
she walked away from the bench, im pretty sure she was trying to catch her crush's attention (she'd rant on about him for hours) {oh yeah and not to mention, whenever i'd start talking about someone or something she'd shut me off and stay silent, or just call me names}
after a while of her lurking around, her "friends" came , and all of a sudden she just changes and starts calling me names IN FRONT OF THEM
she went on about how dumb i was and that i knew nothing
i left, she wouldn't even let me talk

she always starts complaining about me and insults me when we're around people
like this other time, we were walking with this guy and out of nowhere she starts complaining about my flat chest and about how im so skinny, tbh im literally average (5'5 and 55kg)
she always points out my so called "flat chest"
sometimes we laugh and all (she even lets me copy off her homework) but sometimes i feel like ripping my head off

once, we had another group presentation together, everyone had to present their own slides. They were constantly changing the topic and no one knew which slides they had to do, so i said i'll take the last two slides and then she says "stop stealing my slides you dumbass, im doing that one u hoe"
and whenever i talk to her she's always ranting on about other people's appearances and how theyre so ugly/fat/skinny (sometimes even me).
mind you, she hits my back all the time too. like, we'll just be walking and she'll slap my back so hard (u can actually hear how loud it is), and sometimes she bangs her hips really hard into mine and then later on complains about how i made them hurt even though i hate touching people (especially her, she's so sweaty and sticky, she doesn't even shower, her hair's always so oily)

I don't know what to think at this point, either im sensitive (she's even called me sensitive at times) or she's just messed up.

[theceejmachine]

"I'm just sick of keeping around people that treat me like shit."

That line stood out to me. I've been in your shoes more times than I can count. I have run into a number of girls even in college who take the same attitude; they're very catty, and self absorbed. But the good times (as few and far between as they are) still make it difficult to pull back. That being said, if feeling like shit is what you take away from your interactions with her, then that should be an indicator that something is amiss. In all relationships, be it romantic or platonic, respect is a two way street.

Here's my question for you: Does she take criticism/playful insults well? If you call her the same names jokingly, how does she respond? Growing up, my parents always used to talk about certain people they knew who could "dish out" the insults, but couldn't "take it" well when the criticism was directed at them. Yes, it is totally normal for friends to call each other names. Hell, my best friend calls me a dumb ass sometimes too, and I usually respond with a similar snarky remark. But that has always been in the back of my head since childhood. I often listen to people's humor to judge whether it's mean spirited or not.

Just be careful with your feelings. It's difficult to know what is going on in someone else's head. Sometimes the only way to resolve an issue is to tell the person outright that their attitude towards you is hurtful. You can say that you have a lot of fun with her, but that you wish she would lay off on the name calling.

I am a good bit older than you and only recently did I realize how beneficial it is to stand up for yourself. Being assertive doesn't mean you have to be nasty; it means you are asking the other person to give you the respect you deserve. You don't have to stop being her friend, but you need to clearly state your feelings if she is making a negative impact on your self esteem.

I hope that helps some. I can definitely sympathize with you. Best of luck!

[Arianatinyelephant1]

Thank you so much for answering! And I was also thinking that if I called her a dumbass she would definitely get offended because she gets offended by a lot... but I could be wrong... I've never called her anything. I wanted to test it out and see how she reacts but I HONESTLY can't imagine myself calling her a dumbass as hostile (idk if that's the right word) as she does.
With my brother, I'll call him stupid or dummy.. mostly stupid and it comes naturally and I was wondering if maybe she was seeing me as I see my brother... ill feel bad For calling my brother stupid tho haha and bc I'm such a nice person I'll sometimes tell my brother SORRY. Well with a laugh but I'll still feel sorry.
But with all the things she's done, I don't know if she's even worth being in my life... friends should bring each other up in my opinion and she never does that. Me and my ACTUAL best friend will call each other rats and sluts and you kno all that haha and it's diff. She brings me up. How do I cut off

[Arianatinyelephant1]

Someone that I hang out with ALL THE TIME. We hang out all morning everyday before school and sit at the same table at lunch and we have many similar friends...

[theceejmachine]

I commend you for being so sensitive to other people's feelings. Many people these days aren't that self aware, so it's really great you go the extra mile to make sure you don't say anything offensive. As far as this girl is concerned, if she's around you that often, maybe addressing the situation with her is the best way to go. You could also start making yourself less available to her. For instance, when I was about your age I actually had a friend who treated me the same way; I just started making sure I was busy doing other things when she wanted to hang out. I was always polite, and when I felt I was in the shape to spend some time with her, I would. But it's important to not be at her every beck and call. You are the only one in control of your actions; you can choose to be as involved as you want. A friend like that is fun on a superficial "let's go get our nails done" level. But anything deeper than that, if she can't understand your feelings, is detrimental to your self esteem

[theceejmachine]

Maybe start by telling her that the name calling hurts sometimes. See how she responds to that. If she really cares for you like a sister, then she will understand and change her attitude. She may just be completely unaware of her behavior. Some people just have an edge like that, but they don't mean any harm. Good luck!

[SGTAdam]

She sure sounds strange if you ask me, but if it really bothers you, I'd tell her that, and whatever her response is that should tell you. I'd wait till she calls you it again, and than tell her you don't like being called that, and than see what she says.