I'm an introvert and I place a high value on quiet and restful time. I feel kind of allergic to people who talk all the time and need all of my attention. Sometimes I need someone who tells me to talk about my feelings and to not bottle things up inside. I go to parties but don't feel the need to just start random conversations with people I don't know. I also start to shut down after I’ve been active for too long. Now people have been telling me I should go for someone who "forces" me to talk about my feelings, someone who is sociable, etc.
If you're an introvert, should you be looking for another introvert, or do opposites attract? Is it better to have another person who is an introvert because you understand each other? Or do they need someone who helps them out of their comfortzone / meet new people / etc? Should there be a balance?
What are your thoughts?
Generally the best match is an introvert + introvert & extravert + extravert
Generally the best match is an introvert + extravert
I'm quite ambivalent about this. Generally, introverts are more interesting, and their aloofness makes them more mysterious and desirable, harder to attain.
However, to an introvert, an extrovert is like the sun poking through the clouds after a long winter. It should be such a refreshment.
Thing is, extroverts come in different forms. To be fair, a lot of them are meddling insensitive obnoxious dicks, and I know the US is a very extroverted culture. However, not all extroverts are built alike. Some are extroverted while being still sensitive and emotionally adept. The ENFJ is an example (if you're familiar with Myers Briggs. I'm an INFJ, and the ENFJ is built for us.
We must also remember, that there is a continuum of introversion. And extremes are attracted to each other. I take introversion to mean being rather inward looking in general, however, being too inward looking in my opinion and experience is unhealthy. Vast amounts of mental energy is being drained (doesn't the brain take up 25% of your oxygen supplies in general), which is presumably being diverted from immune functions and physicality. Hence why in my opinion, a lot of introverts can end up unhealthy. Evolution wise, we can speculate, the human body simply wasn't built for modern society, with its lack of physicality, sitting on the computer all day, and perpetually trying to figure out things in our heads. My opinion is, the mind is simply not up to the task, it will never find a solution, and it will retreat more into itself as the organism weakens from its lack of physicality. This is why old people decline quickly after certain milestones such as retirement - if they don't keep active; it's called excess Yin in Chinese medicine.
So extroverts can be our teachers. They can teach us to go with the flow and just not over think things. But extreme extroverts, the insensitive ones, can be annoying. And the extreme introverts, probably aren't doing themselves any favours...
With regard to two introverts, Chinese medicine states that two the same of anything often repel each other. Take an INFJ and an INFJ. We understand one another, but often we aggravate one another, because we end up like a mirror to each other for some of our bad self absorbed, presumptive behaviour towards other people, and also, we can make our shortfalls accentuate if we don't consciously try and cultivate our opposites.
I think it would depend on how you want to approach your future. An extrovert can help you become more open than an introvert would and thus make you more comfortable doing things you wouldn't normally have done alone. Don't go for someone who's on the extreme if you're not prepared for what that might entail. But even introverts could try to support each other slowly get out of their comfort zones too if they really wanted. I guess it comes down to what you really want from a relationship.
Personal experience... I've had the best friendships with extroverts and bad relationships and unfulfilling friendships with introverts, so I prefer extroverts (I'm an introvert).
First, you have to understand that not all extroverts are the same. I have extroverts in my family who are annoying, and I'd never date extroverts like them. The ones in my family are all either very needy in terms of attention or they are too playful and don't understand/care about social cues (like when you don't want to be bothered or when you're not listening and want them to shut up), or both. The ones I've been friends with do talk a lot, but they have so many friends that they don't need my attention all the time and I can get a break from them. Most of them also don't force me to do things I don't want to do, but some tried to talk me into some things. But I'm not at all interested in going outside of my comfort zone and meeting people, so, for the most part, that doesn't happen when I'm with extroverts. I do my thing and the right extroverts respect it.
The best extroverts meet you half way and are willing to do what you want to do, they look to their more extroverted friends for the extrovert things they like to do, and they make the effort to initiate everything with you. My experience with introverts is they push you away because they want to be alone or they don't communicate with you when something is bothering them and it eventually ruins the friendship or relationship. Introverts also do very little initiating, so if it's two introverts... it's hard because one has to step up and do things they're not accustomed to doing in order for the relationship to survive... for me, it was always me doing that and it bothered me and/or was uncomfortable to me. Why would anyone want to be in a relationship where they're always the one having to reach out and the other person never does anything, you know? But extroverts usually don't see it that way, although I've known some who have. Still, it's more natural for them to contact you or approach you than it is for an introvert.
Personally, I can't see how a relationship between two introverts can work. I can see two extroverts making it work, but not two introverts. I also don't really know any lasting relationships where both are introverts.
I think it depends on the degree of your introversion. I'm 100% introvert and I do think that would make me more compatible with a fellow introvert. But that would be one with a lesser degree of introversion so they would still encourage me to get out more but not so much that I would always feel drained (as I believe I would with an extrovert). In the same way I believe a 100% extroverted person would get along best with another extrovert, and not an introvert. If you are more around the 50% introversion mark then I'd say maybe someone either a little less introverted would be better for you, or even just someone with a really low percent of extroversion would be ideal. In the case of people that are either borderline introverted or extroverted, or more in the halfway point of either personality type, I don't really think it matters too much as long as the other person isn't the extreme opposite of you. (If that makes any sense) I think if you get to know the person though, you'll be able to tell if they'll be good for you, or if they will be too outgoing that you can't keep up. Hope this helped :)
As an introvert I think it's best to stick with other introverts. But sometimes it's nice to be with an extrovert.
I feel like if you value your quiet time and are not super social, it can be hard to be in a relationship with someone who is always craving social interaction. I have some extrovert friends who just don't get why I would rather chill at home than go out and meet new people.
I find talking to people exhausting. And it's also something I get anxious about. I'm never sure what to talk about. Most things people generally talk about are not topics I have much knowledge about. Like travelling or kids. I haven't gone travelling and I don't have any kids. I'm not married either and most people will talk about their spouses. I'm at that age where everyone is settling down.
I'd love to talk about the latest documentary I watched or the newest song I'm obsessed with. But few of my friends or acquaintances listen or watch what I do. I find people kind of tune out when talking to me, which kind of sucks.
Nether or the above! It is simply people's choices on what kind of person is right for them, and who will help them grow as a person and a couple. Some introverts need's to be with other introverts. Like myself. But I noticed a lot of opposites attract. It can work but at the same time it may or may not work. That is why neither of the above is the right option.
There's not really a clear answer because it honestly depends on the person. I've been with an extrovert and it was nice because he would go out and make friends and organize things that I'd like joining sometimes, but didn't have to if I didn't want to. Now I'm with an introvert, like myself, and we have a much quieter social life, but it's still enjoyable.
In both situations though my partner was the more expressive one regarding feelings and I was always the more closed off one. Both the introvert and the extrovert were equally capable of helping open up and talk about my feelings more and that just really shows that it depends on the overall person, not any one particular quality.
I'm an introvert and so is my partner and I think that's been super good for both of us. Neither of us feel a pressure to talk all the time and silences are comfortable and relaxing, not just pauses where we each think of something to say because we need to constantly interact. I'd say introverts are better with introverts.
I think it can go either way, depending on the individuals and how they handle the relationship. My boyfriend is an extrovert and I'm very much an introvert. It has been a challenge for our relationship in some ways, but it has also been a benefit in other ways. We balance each other and keep each other in check. He encourages me to be more social, which is something I really appreciate from him.
I'm rather introvert as well, though if I'm in "good company" (people I like and trust) I joint the talks with a smile :D I can get along with extraverts, but I do also prefer they're not talking non-stop. I've had a fellow student once, who would speak almost non stop and always on the same tone :o When we saw her approach we shouted "bomb alert!" hahaha :-(
It depends if two introverts are going to enable eachother to stay too far within their comfort zones, and likewise it depends if a specific extrovert is going to push an introvert too much to leave their comfort zone. I think in general a mix is better, but only if each person is respectful and patient enough to tolerate the other person.
No two introverts would bore each other to death. Two extroverts would drive each other crazy.
To a certain extreme extent the mix would also do the same. If one ALWAYS wanted to go out and do something exciting and the other introvert never wanted to explore new experiences or thinking.
I'm an introvert, my husband an extrovert. I think this helps create a good balance. When we have to go to awkward busy events he fills in the awkward pauses lol, and he keeps the conversation going and I can jusy jump in and out. This works for us. He also works a schedule of 24 to 48 hour shifts so I still get my alone time which I crave. So it's a good balance for us.
We shouldn't think of introversion and extroversion in a black-and-white manner. Someone may have a mostly introverted yet have characteristics of extroversion. So, ultimately, it depends on the person themselves, not on the label of their personality type (if personality type can even be pinpointed).
Well, I think since only extraverted men are considered attractive, both introverted and extraverted women should be dating them. Introverted men like myself should just get used to the idea of dying alone, since we're never considered attractive. If you're an extraverted man then you'll get to pick out of whoever you want, since all the introverted men are counted out almost immediately.
Definitely not the case, I know many introverted men who are married and in happy and healthy relationships. I think it really depends on the person and the degree of their extroversion or their introversion. As someone who is 100% introverted I do think I would be best suited for someone who is also an introvert but to a lesser degree. And while extroverted men can be endearing (ultimately depending on their personality type), I personally am more attracted to introverts overall. So there definitely is still hope for you :) If you are a decent and respectable guy then I wouldn't say you'll die alone. Everyone is attracted to different characteristics in others, and many women are attracted to introverted men.
Introverts need the protection of extroverts. But it is not necessary at all times. Sometimes two introverts when they come together , they are almost like extroverts when they are together. As a person gets mature , those who are born as introverts become more or less extroverts to at least some extent. So their is no problem if two introverts come together and enter into a relationship.
I've dated other introverts. It just doesn't work. At least for me. You are both waiting for the other person to help you come out of your shell and nothing ever happens.
It depends, I guess I'd rather date another introvert, but I could also date another extrovert as long as he understands me and the fact that sometime I need calm. I dated an extrovert once, it went well
I'm an introvert and I don't even know what type of girl would get along with me. I'm extremely shy that I don't even talk to my own family members (cousins, Aunts, Uncles)
I don't know but it's a good idea... Cause if I date a extroverted person i don't know if I would match with them.. Or if they will find me good enough Loll...
In my case I prefer a more out going introvert, they don't constantly need to be around people but when they are they can start conversations so things are not awkward.
I have the best article about introverts stowed away in my bookmarked pages! Find an extroverted introvert like myself to help you through these times and as always, all the best to you and yours!
look if you are an introvert.. why go after another introvert.. if you want to talk to an introvert.. talk to mirror.. try something new.. become social.. have fun..
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