Being friends with Ex FWB?

[Caravend]

Is it possible to be friends with my ex friend with benefits? We were a thing a few years ago and when he went awol I was pretty hurt. Then he popped back up trying to reminisce yet apologize about the past. Come to find out he had a wife. He tried talking to me twice and I shut him down when he tried to talk sexual. I recently checked in on him bc when we last spoke he was going through a pretty rough patch. It was nice talking to him because he's always a cool guy to talk and joke around with. He's also in the middle of his divorce and is out at sea (he's in the Navy) but my boyfriend doesn't like him and doesn't even know i text him sometimes. Is it possible for me and him to be friends? Is it okay?

[hahahmm]

1. Don't mess with married people. Unless they live 100% on their own or that and have signed divorce papers, It's bad news.
2. The guy has romantic interests in you & you know your boyfriend does not like this. If your boyfriend catches you it will harm the trust between you two. Without trust your relationship will collapse. So you are risking your relationship for this other guy. It could be emotional cheating if you are sharing personal stuff with him that you don't share with your boyfriend too.

If you were good friends WHEN you met your boyfriend and it was all in the open as a harmless platonic relationship That might be OK with your boyfriend. But now it looks like you are trying to get romantic with the ex. Don't think it will work. You could ask your boyfriend tho.

[Caravend]

I don't talk much about emotional stuff with him really bc Ik he's got a lot going on and could care less. My boyfriend is my confidante and I tell share everything with him. I asked him about hanging out with a platonic male friend and he had no problem with that. So maybe I could ask about this one? I don't have any romantic interests in the ex bc he's still technically married for once and what happened in the past cut off any romance I wanted with him. But you are very right on the trust part

[hahahmm]

You can ask but don't be surprised if he says, no. Once the other guy is known to be actively trying to get into your panties it puts a different spin on things. Like 'why do you give a shit if he's lonely or not?' Your boyfriend could find some hot exes who want him to hang out with too. You would not like it, I bet.

I also bet that the reason your boyfriend does not like the guy is he does not trust you 100%. Maybe he has paranoia or maybe you did something that made him have doubts. If you increase the trust level you probably will have more leeway

[bingbaddaboom]

If you start talking to him, he will fuck you again. I guarantee this. It sounds like you are into him more than your boyfriend though...

[Caravend]

I met him before my boyfriend and me and him were pretty good friends but I'm deeply in love and care for my boyfriend, there's no doubt about that. I care for my friend too but if i had to choose I would pick my boyfriend bc we've been through so much

[bingbaddaboom]

So with that information, let me revise what I am reading into this--

It sounds that you are more emotionally attached to your current boyfriend but more sexually attracted to the xFWB. Essentially, your current boyfriend pales in comparison to the sex and adventure you had with your xFWB... but the current boyfriend fulfills your needs otherwise.

I guess you have to ask yourself what you value more at this stage in your life. I personally believe that if a boyfriend can't keep the interest of his girlfriend, it's not going to work out in the long run anyhow. That's actually why I have no problem hooking up with girls that have boyfriends to be honest. Bf/gf is not sacred, there is absolutely nothing binding. If I can give her something better I will and she'll want it. That's nature.

I stand by one thing that I said though. If you do start talking to your xFWB, you will have sex with him again. You secretly want it to happen because your xFWB is the bad boy/alpha.

[hahahmm]

@bingbaddaboom agree. And OP, don't come crying later on if you can't find a good boyfriend after giving one up.

[linds34]

It's possible, but in this situation it sounds like he definitely is back because he wants more sex. And I wouldn't usually trust any guy who has a wife but talks about how they're getting divorced, are separated, etc.

[Caravend]

He only mentioned the divorce bc I asked what it's like to be married bc I often think about marriage with my boyfriend. He tells me he doesn't want anything from me but I joked about him owing me $50 and he said he would actually send it to me if I was serious so I don't know what to think

[maturedlibra]

i do not want to leave my wife when we seperated she forcibly did this with help of her brother and mother she files divorce case in court but I still don't want to leave her

everytime men are not wrong I mean to write

[linds34]

@maturedlibra Sorry you're going through that! I don't mean that the guy is always wrong, but just that a lot of married guys will lie about their situation to lead someone on. It's something for us women to be cautious about.

[linds34]

@Caravend I think he wants more sex because you said he disappeared for a couple of years, then was talking sexually once he started talking to you again. I could be wrong, maybe he's just bored because he's stuck on a boat.

[Caravend]

@linds34 yeah you could be right, about being bored or wanting more sex. He disappeared for a few months and then came back wanting to apologize and stuff but he would often talk about the *explicit* things we used to do

[Caravend]

@maturedlibra my heart goes out to you, I'm sorry you have to go through that

[linds34]

@Caravend I'd say if he wants to reminisce about sex, then he probably wants to have more of it at some future time as well :)

[Caravend]

Thank you. I've given it thought and think it's best to not respond to him for a while or never again. He was a good friend but trying to make the friendship work seems like more work than my actual romantic relationship. Not worth my time and emotion in my opinion. Nor the hurt that this could cause my partner. Thank you!

[maturedlibra]

@Caravend and @linds34 Thanks you both for your courtesy its part of life

I never lie about my age my marital status whatsoever

have a nice day ahead both of you