My boyfriend broke up with me because I had "doubts" about our relationship. Is this really a bad thing?

[precious144]

My boyfriend broke up with me because I had "doubts" about our relationship. I had no intention of breaking up with him, I just wanted to work on the issue that we had (which was only that I felt we were spending too much time together, I felt like I didn't spend enough time on "me") Everything else in the relationship was great, I was madly in love with him. But with me bringing up the issue, he said he felt like I "wanted" him to break up with me.

A day before we broke up, when I spoke to him about it he said I really don't want to break up, I love you, etc. The day later he broke up with me because he didn't want me having these doubts.

I feel like all I was trying to do was communicate with him about it, and I know he's been hurt by girls in the past who have said "i don't know what I want anymore" but I never mentioned a break up, he just presumed. Only a week earlier he was telling everyone how happy he was with me! Now I feel like I should never of brought it up, did I do such a bad thing?!

[Anonymous]

Yes he's placing a shield and protecting himself from being hurt. I wouldn't say it's necessary a bad thing despite feeling sad and heartbroken because he's giving you and opportunity to explore and to know what you really want from and in a relationship, and also, to understand more about yourself, assuming that everything else it alright. Maybe as time goes by, not in a year, but a few years more, you will realize maybe he's not the guy you wanna date (because people change through time). At least with all these things cleared within you, the chances both of you having a steady, long, healthy relationship will be better :) Who knows, maybe he's taking this time to sort himself out, and taking a break from getting hurt :)

For the moment, respect that it's his decision. Fundamentally before trying to persuade him or anything, right now think carefully of what you want from this relationship and what you want from it, and be reasonable with it. Also think about how this relationship will go should both of you were to stay together in a long term. If these future are very uncertain, and maybe someone is not willing to commit to it or perhaps having other issues with it, best spare yourselves from heart breaks. If everything that has been taken into consideration is alright, you can give him a go by keeping it short, simple and mature, but not expecting that he will definitely agree to it and get back with you. Hope you are alright love x

[MrsJones7]

I think you hurt his feelings. What kind of person who's in love with someone tells the other person that she thinks she's spending too much time together? That is a heart breaker. If my man said that, I wouldn't probably leave him but he wouldn't see me for a good amount of time if he was bored of me. I think you offended him.

[Fc180]

no it's good that you did. Are you able to speak with him again? Tell him again that he's doing a bad thing in breaking up just because you said you also want some time to yourself. It's absolutly healthy for a relationship when each partner has some time to themselves!

[precious144]

I think so too, but he's one of those people who wants to be with you all of the time! We don't really speak anymore, we broke up a few months back but he's still contacted me.. saying he still loves me etc but he's not sure about our relationship

[Fc180]

Then he needs to learn that when you are in a relationship it doesn't mean that you are together (or that you have to be) 24/7. That's why the other girls probably broke up with him. Sorry but as long as he doesn't understand that... than I don't see a real solution for you! he seems very clingy.

[matthewm]

I'm sorry to say this... but it looks to me like he was trying to find an opportunity to break up with you from the beginning of what you wrote here...

Most times... when things like this arise... and people do things for no apparent reason at all... it's usually because they're keeping a secret... Everyone does what they do for a reason... If you can't see the reason right off the bat... then that means that there's something you're missing... something that you aren't understanding.

My advice: Let it be for now... but do some reasearch... Use those smarts of yours to do some private investigating... was he talking to his friends? has he hooked up with a girl recently? is he extra flirtatious now than before he was with you? There's always a reason why (the exception being in dealing with the clinically insane... because there are no reasons). There are secrets hidden in the very fiber of our being... it's human nature.

[precious144]

I'm good friends with his friends so obviously they speak to me about him. He hasn't been dating or seeing anyone since the split so I don't think it's to do with anyone else. All of his friends seem as confused as me and they've even told him he's made a mistake :/

[matthewm]

Strange,.. he may not even know what he wants right now... He may not even be absolutely sure that he even wants to be in a relationship right now... I would think my advice still stands... but--then again--it's all your choice...

[zeitgeist057]

idk. I broke up with my girlfriend kind of the same way. Basically she was kind of not as affectionate and when I asked if she wanted to be with me she said "I don't know" or "I'm not sure what's going on with me" so I broke up with her because I wanted to be with her and her saying she wasn't sure felt like she didn't .

It's like if I ask you "Are you hungry?" If you say "I don't know." That means you are NOT hungry. Hungry people say "Hell yeah, I'm STARVING! Let's EAT!"

iI was and still am so in love with her, but I don't want to be with someone who isn't passionate about being with me. Lukewarm? See you later, alligator. I deserve someone who is on fire for me.

[Anonymous]

you may have worded it wrong and he took it the wrong way. you shouldn't have said "im having doubts" you should have said "i have a problem with a part of our relationship I would like to try and fix". I think the whole doubts thing just made him assume you were done, so he broke it off first in fear of you doing it first. it always sucks to be the dumpee. its a race to the finish. lol. maybe try explaining to him what the problem was and see if he won't understand and take you back. if not then well. your intuition was right

[25yrsofmarriage]

By mentioning it, he was able to start the process. I think that both of you

knew that it was over by that point. It was a perfect excuse for him to

blame it on your doubts..he honestly was hoping that you would be

the one to break it off with him so he didn't have to be the one to

say it. Stop blaming yourself and do the best that you can to recuperate.

Break ups hurt bad..and sometimes we never know why it happened.

Just let it go..(hugs)

[clyde7777]

I don't think you were wrong in bringing it up. It looks like you just caught him off guard. If he has had issues like this in the past he may have just broke up with you to avoid being hurt again. Chase after him a bit and let him know its not that you wanted to break up it's just you need more time for yourself. Let him know that you still want him and that you def. still interested in him.

[Phoenix52]

No you didn't do a bad thing.

He flipped out and ran.

Gotta communicate to his stupid @ss that all you needed was some SPACE to do things you want on your own, and he should do the same instead of spend so much time on seeing you.

The insecurity of his past relationships probably had a play in this too, so he gave up that easily and quickly. Sad guy.

[Anonymous]

He's scared. Rather ask wierdos on gag whether or not you're a bad person, you could probably be trying to convince him that you don't have doubts. Unless, of course, you're leaving something else out. You said you were madly in love with him. Are you sure he was madly in love with you?

[Anonymous]

I don't see why having doubts would be a bad at all. Isn't it normal to have doubts!? How are you supposed to be 100% certain about anything especially about something as hard to understand as the heart. He's being a dumb ass, plain and simple. You should probably tell him that.

But know you did not do anything bad at all. All you did was tell him what you felt.

[DjSane]

yeah you kinda did a bad thing

cause if am with you and your telling me your having doubts then your not sure on what we have so eventually it will cause a split between yall an the fact that he as been hurt before in the past by others means he is trying to protect his self from further heartache

[teuton]

"girl has doubts" is the harbinger to the bitch breaking up with you. Not before kissing some other guy though. THIS IS THE WORST KIND OF GIRL - the user.

[4leafclover]

The more mature a person is, the more he value his or her personal time. You are obviously more mature than he is..

[AeonZ]

meh, I think he was being ultra paranoid. somehow you have to convince him otherwise.

[spart4life]

Try and communicate with him again. If that doesn't work, as they say "you live you learn".

[sana789]

you should never doubt a guy now matter what ,even if you have doubt communicate in a way that may not offend him.don't try talking to him about getting back with you,let him do that on his own.see what he is upto and then act don't be emotional.

[x213erx]

yes if you have doubts you shouldn't be with him and waste each others time.

[Anonymous]

you probably did something to ruin your relationship. he sounds like a nice guy

[yurelizr]

Well I think its up to you if you did a bad thing. talk to him about it.

[1stranger]

Hey, what's up?

[1stranger]

Sleep time babe 😘❤..

Don't go to bed late... I can't sleep without your warmth😏.. sighs.. sighs😌

[Tphilly187]

no