I don’t know if I should break up with my boyfriend?

[bethrog08]

So my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 months and we’ve had a few fights but the most serious have been in the past two weeks. Last weekend he saw I told a friend our first experience in bed was not the greatest (a guy friend) which he did not react too kindly to, and made me block him, but there has never been flirting or anything between me and the guy and he verified because he went through my phone that night. Two nights ago I was drunk and he had fallen asleep behind me and I got curious. I truly didn’t expect to find anything especially after his outburst but curiousity got the best of me. It was wrong but I was so drunk I couldn’t bring myself to stop. I was just browsing through his camera roll and then remembered the hidden feature. I opened it up and I saw multiple videos of him and his ex doing sexual stuff. I was heartbroken. I woke him up we fought and he apologized deeply and says he genuinely forgot he had those on his phone. They broke up about a year ago. He seemed so genuine that I do believe him but I can’t wipe the image of what I saw away and I can’t fully believe him or know if I can anymore. I feel anxious now which I hadn’t ever before in our relationship and I don’t know if I can handle it. I feel stupid, and while I do believe him, I don’t, I want to at least but I can’t. Who keeps such a thing on their phone? And yesterday in his drunken state after our argument he mentioned how he didn’t like the song playing and if I could change it. He told me before this was the song that was playing when he broke up with his ex. I wouldn’t have thought anything about this before but why should such a thing matter about a song with someone you broke up over a year ago? I need opinions. I’m losing my mind. I am a super confident person and now I don’t feel like it.

Updates

9 mo

I want to add something for clarification. When I mean I told someone about my sex life I did not go into detail whatsoever. It doesn’t excuse what the fact that I spoke of it. But I just revealed the fact that the first time was bad and I didn’t know how to tell him it was bad without hurting his pride.

[Anonymous]

Neither one of you is right. But the fact that you told a friend, not just a friend, but a male friend, you did him bad. Unless this “friend” bats for he other team, chances are this dude wants to fuck you. So you just gave this dude ammo to use against your man. That’s a low blow. I think both of you should separate. For future reference you don’t talk to other men about getting your ass cheeks clapped by your man. It’s a personal thing. Unless it’s a one night stand. Not even your female friends. Men like their privacy.

[Clear_Skies10]

Hearing the song would possibly bring back bad memories for him. I don't know what to say about his sex videos on his phone. I usually delete all that stuff as soon as the relationship is over. You talking to another guy about your sex life is something that is probably inappropriate depending on the boundaries you and your partner agree to. Otherwise, it sounds like you guys drink a lot. That's extremely hard on a relationship. If you're unhappy you can communicate with him to achieve a solution, or if you're done, then end the relationship. Try to learn some things from this situation. Alcohol is terrible for a relationship, talking to other people about your sex life that you have with your partner is problematic, especially if you're telling things they wouldn't want people to know. Also, keeping old sex videos of exes on a person's phone is a terrible idea if you're in a new relationship.

[bethrog08]

We are both in college and just got back to campus it’s not always drinking, but yeah I agree the telling my guy friend about our first time was terrible, that was the only thing I had ever told anyone about regarding that aspect never spoke of it again. Thanks for the feedback

[Clear_Skies10]

Sure. Good luck with whatever you decide. It sucks that you had to see his old videos with his ex. I can understand why that might make you feel like he's sketchy.

[Nikki1989]

The most glaring issue is the double standard he's applied. He went through your phone, demanded you block a friend for a simple text, and reacted with a major outburst. Yet he keeps explicit videos of his ex on his phone. This is a massive red flag. Yes, you should dump this dim bulb of a jerk.

[RavVid]

Look some things should stay in the family and sex is clearly one of those. It was wrong to criticize him behind his back to another guy full stop.

As for the videos on the phone well you were snooping and obviously he and his ex would have fucked when they were together. It is quite possible to forget in the breaking up process when you are trying not to think of or about your ex.

With the song, well trauma is frozen in a special memory area of the brain and the emotions of that time are re-experienced if something triggers it. This is basically why people have PTSD.

I think you can be a better girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

You already ruined the relationship when you talked about your sex life with another man