Should I take it personally that I barely hear from my boyfriend when he is with his friends?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend went out with his friends last night. He text me some while he was out, but not very much. I mean when I did hear from him, it was like one or 2 words. I am great to him and I never nag or demand a lot of his time. But honestly, it does bother me that when he is off with the guys, I'm a very distant thought. I have not said anything to him, because I first want to know if this is just a guy thing. Should I take it personaly that he doesn't text me much when he is with his guy friends? When I am out with my friends, he wants to know where I am going, who I am with etc. But I just give him space when he is with his friends. I am either going to trust him or I am not.

[MandMandM]

> He text me some while he was out, but not very much.

When I'm with someone she gets 100% of my attention. We have a good time.

But being with her 24-7 would turn a joy into a sentence. Much better to each have our own friends and interests and spend time away from each other in some space. When we're back together then, there are new experiences to talk about, and we appreciate each others' company more for being a change to the rest of the day.

Having space is not a charter to cheat. We both expect absolute fidelity of each other, but when I'm not with her I'm not going to be texting back to base every ten minutes either.

> I never nag or demand a lot of his time. But honestly, it does bother me that when he is off with the guys, I'm a very distant thought.

Complete self contradiction. Even when he's not with you he has to be thinking about texting you frequently and with substantial messages? Give him a break!

> Is this is just a guy thing

No I think most women I know also need time away from their SOs without feeling micro controlled.

> When I am out with my friends, he wants to know where I am going, who I am with etc.

I think these are fair questions, that he should also answer for you. What he isn't expecting is a lot of text attention from you when you are off with your friends. The mobile phone is a complete curse sometimes.

[Asker]

You made a lot of very good points. I like the point that we expect absolute fidelity from each other. I think at times I have fear from my last bf...who would go out with the guys, and find some other girls. So that is an issue I need to deal with. And I guess I don't ask too many questions when he is out, so not to appear like a nag. I am trying to respect his time and show him trust. It just seemed a bit contradictory for him to always want to know who I am with and what I am doing.

[MandMandM]

Fair enough - you sound very understanding.

Some of us don't lack all self control around other women on a night out with the boys. Most of us find a nag a real turn off.

I hope this guy continues to have more respect for you than the last one.

[overthetop67]

I do not think this is something that automatically shows he doesn't care about you.

Guys, we like our space, and we need it from time to time. We value the relationship with you, but it's in our nature to want time of our own, a break, a time where we discharge. Yes, I think being out with "the guys" may be, not to be detrimental, a time when you focus on being with your buddies, the guys you know, and your Girlfriend may be a rather distant thought. But that's okay; We haven't forgotten you, and you still hold that special place in our hearts that only someone intimate can hold, but when we're with our friends, it's guy-time, and we need that. I would not take it personally, as I don't think it is meant to be personal, just understand that we need time like this to come back to things better than we were before.

[sheperd]

Should I take it personally that I barely hear from my boyfriend when he is with his friends?

On the one hand, you might feel like you're being ignored if you don't hear from your boyfriend when he's out with his friends. But on the other hand, you might just be overthinking things.

It's important to remember that everyone is different. Some people are more outgoing and social than others. Just because your boyfriend is quiet when he's with his friends, doesn't mean he's not enjoying himself.

There's no need to take it personally. Just relax and enjoy your own time, knowing that your boyfriend is probably doing the same thing.

[bambieyes]

I personally don't think you should take it personally no, when I'm out and busy or out doing something with someone I don't text my boyfriend much I don't keep intouch he'll know where I'm going and who with before I go out just making convo with him but otherwise I don't keep intouch texting him, on the other hand my boyfriend texts me when he's out with his friends but I assmum he's bored or he wouldn't be texting me much and I don't expect a text from him, I want him to have fun and I like to know he's safe that's it, if I'm thinkin about him I'll text and let him know I'm missing him but I don't expect texts back, I want him to just read it and smile and think about me lol and that's it.

[toulouse]

Are you on crack. What the hell is the point of 'being out' for YOU or him, If you have to constantly 'check in'? That means mentally you are still at home. You never truly get a break. Go out. Have fun. See him in the morning. (and) Vice versa.

Dont use what he 'makes; you do as ammunition for him to do what you want. Do what you think is right for yourself on your time out as he will with his. You are not is child if he is possessive you need to deal with THAT. Not try to control him in return.

[Asker]

wow...I simply asked a question. And believe me he gets plenty of breaks. Trust me I am not one of those high maintenace clingy types. I just simple was needing some feedback.

[toulouse]

I specified BOTH of you .. I was trying to navigate out of the idea of anyone being high maintenance. I spoke of both your space. Him being controlling etc. Instead of retaliating just take your own space. That's all. (Only because you used the fact that you cal him or keep in touch as a reason he should do the same) I was not going off on you its just how I say woah :)

[Asker]

ok I see your point. I think the one thing that irritates me is that he doesn't want me to drink or party as he is afraid of me being hit on or cheating ( and I am not a partier ). But somehow its different for him. I let him contact me when he is out. I would rather him not text me and text me when he gets home, instead of this once and hour crap, basically to check and see what I am doing. Thank you! you made some good points

[toulouse]

You are very Welcome:)

[aguerrero]

Well I know a lot of guys when they're out with they're friends don't like to text their girlfriend because they'll get made fun of from the guys. So don't automatic assume he's up to no good. What I suggest doing next time you go out is not quickly respond to his texts and slowly try and faze out of texting constantly. If he does become angry and start questioning your fidelity that's a red flag. Cheaters always accuse the other person of cheating.

[razelove]

The double standard is a problem, I mean, whether it's for safety, control, what have you. If my wife went out say, one night a week, and I went out one night a week, if I'm off the map, I'm not going to nag her ass about where she is. Granted when I go out it's more like a once every 2-3 year vacation from my life for a week or two where she might hear from me once a day maybe. Most of my friends live in other states or countries.

[Guy13]

Why…. he’s only partying and having a good time. Try not to be insecure.

[woodbridge]

its important you give him space. in a relationship its really important that you keep your seperate lives..seperate! you need to make sure you have time with your firends, he has time with his, and if he spends the whole time texting you, he's not really even out with his friends anymore, he's just texting you while being surrounded with friends. when I'm out, I send a few texts to my girlfriend but most of the time, I'm out, so I'm doing whatever I'm doing. if she sends me texts when she's out, I tell her to stop nd enjoy herself because I don't want to get in the way of her night. so don't take it personally, he's just doing his own thing with his boys, you can't expect him to be talking to you at all times. but il tell you one thing, even if he's not texting you, he's still thinking about you, so you don't have to worry

[KitsuneFoxSpirit]

Let's look at it logically. I know. Some people don't like logics. It hurts their brains.

You said he texts you a lot when you're out. You never said if you respond.

There is also the fact some people simply do not text others. It isn't that they don't care as more they don't see the relevance of texting when they're going to see you X number of hours later. And texting back isn't relevant when you are going to see someone soon afterwards. Not everyone is going to die if they aren't on their cell phone.

I have a very good friend that I often drop by at his work, etc. He will read your texts, talk about it with you later, etc. But actually getting more than five words out of him in a text message is like you're trying to rip off his arms.

[magiusX26]

"am not very demanding of his time" while complaining about him not giving you his attention 24/7 aka being demanding of his time. he was out with his friends so (gasp) his attention was on himself and his friends as it should be. as for you having an issue with him being out with the guys shows you have a toxic trait of controling. all this also shows a narcassistic mindset on your part because what he does for himsrlf (semi) by himself, its important to you, how his self actions make you feel regardless of his feelings. sounds like you may be looking outward for happiness which is an internal thing.

[mysfit]

I think it's good that you just text him once and say, "Enjoy. Or have fun or something!!" It's like telling him - I trust you and hope you're having a good time. Then, don't text him until he text you after he hangs out with his friends. And ask, how is the hang out or something.

This is to establish trust and independence in your part. Independence in the sense that you too have a thing going on in your life.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

This is the most annoying part of dating for me. Personally, I don't call or text people regularly throughout the day. The woman I'm dating definitely gets the most.

But if we've been dating for a while or especially if we live together. I'm just trying to spend some time in a different heads pace with the boys.

Isn't it nice to just have some time to yourself every once in a while?

[Sleeper07]

If you have boundaries you want him to respect communicate them with him. If he's not okay with your boundaries maybe it's time to look for someone else.

To answer your question truthfully, a lot of the times when I fail to reply to my girl it's either because I didn't hear my phone, didn't feel it vibrate, etc.

[OldWorldOrder]

Do you want him to have fun or not?

Relationships are work, yes? Guess what? People need periodic breaks from work.

As long as he's not being unfaithful to you , just leave him the hell alone lol. Jesus...

[NotGuru]

It's perfectly fine, we care about you but when we are with friends, we forget about you, that's normal. If he replies once in an hour, that's fine.
You should do the same, give space to one another and enjoy life

[Anonymous]

Doesn't seem "fair" or equal that you give him space and he gets all possessive...

[Asker]

Agreed. He has never been mean about it, but he always wants to know who I'm with and what we are doing. So yeah, when he is vague in return it seems a little unfair.

[Anonymous]

Most men are closet gays, so they love any chance they get to be away from their beard of a girlfriend and “be with the guys.”

[ChattyGuy43]

I dont think so, he will make time for you when he is able too, your his No1 girl after all.

[RuthlessAggression]

No. i think you're worrying about something inane. But that's just MY opinion. Sorry

[In_Trance]

Of course you can but I don't really see a point to it

[dustybiker]

Let him breathe.

[dustybiker]

Lovely. Someone re-activated an archaic question.