Do platonic boy girl relationships exist, if so are they a rarity?

[Anonymous]

Okay so my question really says it, my boyfriend thinks they do exist and I'm completely cynical and what I believe is too much based on my own personal experience which is, the only real male friend I have is gay. All the others either developed feelings for me at some point, sometimes I developed feelings back or sometimes they didn't have feelings but I guess I was attractive enough for them to attempt to get in my pants, they didn't care about risking a friendship.

Girls I believe can start off with innocent intentions but most people are selfish and if they develop feelings, they don't care what stands in their way, in previous relationships my ex's who are now in relationships are/ have gone out with girls who they were 'friends' with when me and them were together, another ex who started to be 'friends' with one of my 'friends' ended up dumping me for her. My best friend from school is no longer my friend as she again started to be 'friends' with my current boyfriend, developed feelings and made a play for him . So yes I have had a lot of negative experiences maybe they colour my judgement? Sorry for the rant, what's your experience with girl boy friendships?

[Anonymous]

Most of my best friends are guys and all but one are and always have been completely platonic friendships. I love them and they love me back, but it has nothing to do with physical attraction or romantic feelings, it's about the affectionate bonds that are forged when you go through a whole lot of life together, grow up, figure out who you are, and come out proud of each other for the people you've become.

We don't avoid the topic of sex (with guys, really, how CAN you?)- we talk, I hear about their exploits when we're out in a group, I listen to their honest questions/concerns when it's just one-on-one, and we can all laugh at the kind of jokes they tend to crack without any awkwardness. I'm not one to discuss my own sex life with the guys the way they do after a couple beers, but we do talk individually if I'm going through something. None of them have ever hit on me (except the one who I'll explain about below)- I'm a bud, nothing more, and I have never developed feelings for any of them- they're my friends, the kind of extended family I've chosen for myself.

As for the one guy my relationship with wasn't always entirely platonic- when we first met a million years ago (actually, it was about 5, but it feels like forever), we started dating shortly after. It didn't last long- and we parted saying we'd be friends, but we didn't talk for a couple months until he started dating a friend of mine. Then we started seeing each other more, we talked through the awkwardness, and while his relationship with my friend didn't last, our friendship has.

So yes, for me, an entirely platonic relationship with the opposite sex is possible and I'm glad to have a few great guy friends in my life.

Does your boyfriend have close girl friends? If he does, I know it can be disconcerting (believe me, I try very hard never to be a sore point in my guy friends' relationships), but if it's a long-time friendship it's entirely possible it's just platonic.

[Asker]

Thanks for your answer, maybe that's where me and my boyfriend differ. We both go to single sex schools, so we haven't had experience of growing up and going through life with the opposite sex. He does have close friends who are girls... his cousins :P Other than that it's just guys. What sparked this was he works part time at a bar, I thought a female customer fancied him, he questioned why she couldn't just want to be friends? He admitted after I was right, but didn't understand how I knew.

[Opinion Owner]

It's usually easier for guys to tell when a guy is flirting with/crushing on a girl and vice versa- we know the signs because we know what WE do when we're interested.

Maybe it's different if you don't grow up around guys- I have older brothers so I've always been used to being with guys.I didn't have too many guy friends until mid-way through high school, but most of them are still with me.We've shared some life-changing experiences so it's kind of a bond that sticks.

[Minxxe]

i had two really close male friends that I didn't know were hoping to get with me. I was so upset and disappointed with them, spending all that time with them under false pretences when you thought he was just a real freind, telling them things out of trust and thinking they were giving an honest opinion when the whole time they were thinking somehting else. I felt like a fool.

As I get older I don't think you can have plutonic relationships with the opposite gender , one will always fall for the other. I love having male friends but my partner doesn't like it because he knew when the last male freind was interested in me and I couldn't see it.

it's a shame but it makes you feel differently towards them. Also I wouldn't be able to rest knowing my man was hanging out with another girl (unless they're from my close female group whom I've known 15+ yrs).

[Eiffelgirl21]

Much agreed!

[Eiffelgirl21]

I have no guy friends for a reason. Acquaintances, maybe. But, only for college. However, they do not have my phone number..and we just talk in class..for class. My boyfriend is the same way. He has acquaintances at his work. But, that's it. You are 100% right. In my opinion, of course. I also feel like I do not need guy friends, because my boyfriend is my everything. And, I could never leep a guy friend either..they all end up liking me. Or flirting with me. It's not good for my relationship. I want my boyfriend and I to be comfortable.

[destroyer]

I think that unless either the boy, girl, or both are gay, then there will always some sexual tension, conscious or unconscious. My philosophy is that if I'm going to be friends with a girl, we are just friends and likely always will be, likewise if I'm attracted to a girl I'm not going to try to be friends with her. A lot of 'nice guys' will try to backdoor it with girls, meaning that they will be 'just friends' but their real hope is that if they are friendly enough the girl will start to like him, I believe this is counter-productive and is rarely what happens, the girl will usually go for the direct confident guy that is actually hitting on her instead. Sometimes I will become just friends with an attractive girl (that I'd normally want to date) just so that she can introduce me to her many friends which I then date

I do not confuse relationships/dating with friendship, I treat my friends very differently than the women I am dating, I keep my distance from them much more than friends and don't tell them deeper stuff, stuff that they could use against me. After all you're more likely to be friends with your friends for much longer than someone you're casually dating and can trust them more.

[Blinky]

I agree with yatta below.. That's just complete asinine.. all of my friends are girls and I don't have feelings for them or ever (some of them I did in the past but I got over it, others I never did). I have never got along with guys, I have one guy friend and he is gay. It all depends on the type of person that the boy and girl are. Is the boy just wanting to get laid, is she just crushing, what. The reason that friendships often turn into relationships is because when your down, who is there to help you out. Your friends (hopefully) and by them being there and helping you through your hard times you are more likely to start falling for them. It's as simple as that.

[LenaK]

I never thought of this but this can be very true:

The reason that friendships often turn into relationships is because when your down, who is there to help you out. Your friends (hopefully) and by them being there and helping you through your hard times you are more likely to start falling for them. It's as simple as that.

[TimePhantom]

I would say they can exist but like you said usually someone will develop feelings. It's really difficult to just be friends with a girl and not think that eventually you will get together. The two girl friends that I have had I eventually developed feelings for and they eventually liked me. A relationship I think is just a strong friendship with sexual attraction. I think if you honestly ask any guy that if their girl friend came up to them and said I want to do it, none of them would turn it down. I think they could be just friends, but I don't think there will ever be a point in which if one had the opportunity the other wouldn't make a move.

[Even-I-can-do-it]

I'm older so at my age they do exist. My best friends have always been girls. I won't lie & tell you that I haven't thought that they would probably be a good lay, but that's as far as it goes. I don't want any sexual tension between us. If the subject of sex (something like grooming down there or swallowing does come up) I rarely bring the subject up. I may ask a follow up question(s) but that's not in every conversation. Sometimes it may lead to a FWB or more but that's if I'm not or she's not involved. I have learned that you don't cross that line. I have also seen 2 involved people leave their spouse for the other & for some reason that rarely works out. I say it's bad karma for doing what you did.

"Feelings" yes sometimes but that's where you realize that you don't ruin what you have.

In your age group that's an unfortunate part of dating. Were not committed & rarely marry the 1st, 2nd or probably even the 3rd girl we dated.

[Littletad]

They are very very rare. I've managed to make some girls friends over the years who are strictly platonic, but it was never easy. It was very difficult at times. In fact, most of them are married or have boyfriends.The point is, and speaking from experience, almost all guys friend girls for the obvious reason of a potential mate. This is just how it is. And not to mention that guys are quickly catching onto the idea that women become slightly more interested in men who have many girls after him. That's a confusing trait, but it happens very often.

[Anonymous]

Here's the thing: if you're hot, straight guys WILL want to have sex with you. Especially if they're single and especially if everyone's young. So if you yourself are attractive, then yeah, it'll be hard to have a guy who's a platonic friend who wouldn't want to be alone with you naked if given the chance.

HoHowever, it IS still possible to have platoic friends who are guys. If they just aren't attracted to you sexually or if they are happy in their relationships, then they'll not want anything more with you. However, they'll probably also not be that "close" to you, since they'll have someone else or they'll be spending more time trying to get someone else.

[originalmountaindew]

Is this true for all guys?

[Opinion Owner]

Which part?

[originalmountaindew]

"if you yourself are attractive, then yeah, it'll be hard to have a guy who's a platonic friend who wouldn't want to be alone with you naked if given the chance."

This part. I mean, if given a chance they'd want to see this girl naked but it doesn't necessarily mean that the guy wouldn't be happy being just friends right?

I have some guy friends that just kinna disappear from my life. I want to know why. Are they not really my friends and hoping one day they'd see me naked? Is there always an

[originalmountaindew]

ulterior motive?

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, you can still be happy being friends. But the sexual attraction doesn't go away. It's possible that guys disappear because they wanted you as a sexual partner. But it's also possible that they like you as a friend, but once they find a sexual relationship they have less time for you--especially one-on-one.

[Anonymous]

my best friend in the whole world is a guy, he and I have like no sexual history or anything. we literally are just a girl and a guy who are best friends. we date other people and have relationships with others but we are always there for each other and will never be more than just friends. its amazing though, I love always having someone there and I always get along better with guys anyway so why not have my best friend be a guy. so yes they do exist, yeah they typically follow with assumptions that the two are dating which has happened in my case but that's not the case. you can be just friends with a guy!

[dudeclones]

I have a girl in my life right now with whom I started out with as a close friend. She's so beautiful, and smart, I really don't know how we ended up as lovers but right now we are. So back to your question; a guy can be friend with girl, that is only if the girl is urgly. But when the girl is attrative she won't have pretty guys as her real friends.

[originalmountaindew]

"a guy can be friend with a girl, that is only if the girl is ugly"

Is this very true? I have a guy friend (you can read my question) who just disappeared in my life and I don't know why. Is it possible he likes me?

THanks :)

[Reggie1]

They exist, but there's always the chance that one side wants more than the other. I have plenty of female friends who see me as only a friend, but usually guys want to turn a friendship into something more unless they're mature enough to see the benefits.

[Cailleach]

Yeah, they exist. I have a very strong platonic relationship with my best friend Vlad. Though that’s not saying we haven’t f***ed each other before, because we have. But it was because we were absolutely smashed and horny. Not exactly a good combo but whatever. And most of my friends are guys and I wouldn’t touch them with a ten-foot pole again (again, we were all drunk and horny).

Anyway, my point is platonic relationships do exist.

[pureride214]

I had one in high school, but I was never attracted to her... at one point(only for a few weeks) she developed feelings for me, but because I was resolute in my stance, she never attempted to act out her emotions... I didn't find out until years later that she ever had those feelings, and it never impacted our friendship

[Ellie_Ellektrik]

They exist! They totally exist. Now I can empathize with you because I have had several of my male "friends" try to have sex with me. I have had quite a few develop feelings for me but you know what? It's not always like that. My very best friend in the whole world is a guy. He's completely straight. And we've known each other for ages. I would never be able to think of him as anything more than a brother. It just depends on the kind of guys you develop relationships with. You have to develop a kind of discernment for the guys who are genuine and the ones who have a slight ulterior motive.

[malekoniky]

It is possible if both of them know that they could not stand to be in relationship together, but as friends it is working. (Like a boy likes a girl for who she is but know that he couldn't listen to ger more then an hour, that he would go crazy) Also two people who are hapily in relationship can be friends. Other than that ... I am sceptical. We are programmed to look for somebody ...

[AmuTsukiyomi]

They definitely do exist.

Usually they take shape in the form of a Brother/sister kind of relationship, meaning it's as if they are a sibling you never had.

and trust me, I've had a lot of platonic guy friends...pretty much my only friends have been guys and only one of them has ever asked me out and he is currently my boyfriend, who I love very, very much.

so, yes, your boyfriend is right. and though cynicism is a good thing sometimes, you don't have to be quite as cynical about this.

[Anonymous]

my best friend and I are just like that. he told me he had a crush on me when we first met...but obviously, that's gone now. along with platonic, he's sorta fatherly...like protecting me & sh*t & getting dissappointed in me if I do something dangerous/stupid.

so hell yah, they exist, but definitely rare.

[yatta]

I've said this before and I'll say it again the whole notion that guys and girls can only be romantic partners is one of the most asinine ideas in the history of the human race

[Asker]

Perhaps, but human nature is asinine. I read about a study in psych today demonstrating you're right... if the close friendship forms under the age of around six. This is a sensitive period where people will not mate with these people because of some weird innate sense that confuses them to think they are genetically similar and another innate sense makes us steer away from inbreeding. I guess that's where the 's/he's like a sister/brother to me' statement comes into play.

[yatta]

Yes you're referring to the Westermarck Effect if I recall. However it's still entirely possible to form those same sort of relationships with people met later in life, in my case all of the women who I entered into a brother/sister like relationship with were all from high school on. As far as human nature itself, well it has been said by some that "The Earth is the insane asylum of the Universe."

[cm99camper]

I’ve always had extremely close male friends and none of them ever made a move. I put myself out there to a few of them and nothing happened.

I don’t know if it’s a rarity persay, but we definitely love each other. It’s more brotherly/sisterly love.

it’s a different kind of friendship and ones that I cherish

[Belgie]

I have two friends who are single girls, and I'd never think of hitting on them. They're cute enough, but we just don't have that sort of relationship.

[Bananachick]

I think platonic friendships can exist ONLY IF CERTAIN LINES ARE DRAWN.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure it exists and is not a rarity. I am a girl and I have lots of close guy friends. Plus I am married.

[emzy-89]

i have a number of platonic relationships with men, the can absolutely work.

[Anonymous]

my best frieind is a guy and there's nothing going on between us.