Find another girls hair tie in my boyfriends room. How should I approach him?

[Anonymous]

I been with my boyfriend for almost a year. He has a past for being a ladies man but with age he seems like he slowing down and really wants one women ( committed relationship). He broke up with he ex right before we got together, however, I seen that they still communicate via text. I asked him why and he said they occasionally speak. She recently contacted him because she lost her parent so it seems understandable. I really believe that the hair tie in his bedroom is hers. And they have recently had sex in his bedroom. I really love him and want it to work. Should I bring it up and let it go? I know most people would leave if their partner is cheating. If I let him know that I know then he might loss respect for me if I allow this behavior and not leave... but if I don’t say anything maybe he will realize he’s wrong and stop. Please give me advice. I find the hair tie this morning and it’s consuming me with confusion and hurt :(

[Anonymous]

If you think that he will stop because you mention it, you are very mistaken.

It could be somebody elses, why are you certain that it is hers?

What do you expect, out of player, you said you knew what you signing up for, so what changes now?

I'm not saying that he could not done it and is Saint or that he is allowed...

I would just give it to him and tell that it is not yours, you would like to know whos, how it got there and see where it goes, you should see when he is telling BS by now.

[Asker]

Hey Thanks, I took everyone’s advice to ask him about it. And received and very odd response. First he denied knowing where it came from... then after talking he just told me to leave him because he ain’t shit. Said sorry and that he’s no good so I should just leave him now. Smh. I’m was very puzzled by this. I guess that was his way of admitting he cheating and probably will do it again. We’re done. I’m done.

[Opinion Owner]

So he said that he done nothing bad, but you have to leave him, like in you are not his girlfriend anymore?

That is odd.
He is just trying to make it look like it is your fault that he cheated and you are quiting on him?

As you said he is player and they have different thinking then normal people...

[Asker]

I think he was saying that he knows that he not going to do right by me... and he’s no good so it best that I leave him now. Basically that I deserve better as a girlfriend. Very confusing. But what I got out of it was that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship and basically told me to leave him because he’s a cheater. I don’t trust him so I’m done.

[Opinion Owner]

So, now he is such a nice person and tells you that he is not good enough for you, not that it is his fault, just that is one of tactics to look good in your mind and would counter that he cheated...

Do I make sense?

I'm not saying that you should change your mind, because once he cheated ( you obviously convinced that he done it) he will do it again and it is at beginning of relationship, later it only would get worse.

[Asker]

Right makes total sense! I’m definitely not sticking around. He doesn’t want to take responsibility for his actions so he’s telling me that he’s no good so that I don’t have any expectations for him to not cheat smh. Just pathetic.

[Opinion Owner]

You worth more, then this BS and spend time on something meaningful not that waist of time BS.

Good luck on your next move and do not deal with players, leave them for naive ones...

[JimBob17]

DON'T confront him !!! Not yet! He will just make up a story and deny any wrong doing.
You need to catch him out! There are plenty websites/apps that will advise you on how to catch a cheater.
Keep in mind that trust is the cornerstone of all relationships... with no trust , a relationship won't work.

[Anonymous]

If you don't talk to him about it, it will eat away at you for years. You have to know the truth. It might hurt for sure, but it is better to know. There might be an innocent explanation, but it might be real cheating.

[_gigi18]

Confront him about your doubts. Keeping things from eacother only makes it worse. Don't accuse him without concrete evidence but voice your concerns and doubts

[Avicenna]

Its up to him to explain it. Don't be accusatory- just ask for an explanation.

[Asker]

Yeah. I think that’s best. But I really know there will be no good excuse for a random hair tie next the bed. I’m very sure he will lie. Or, maybe tell me she was their but didn’t have sex.

[Avicenna]

I agree, but if you remain calm you keep him from making an issue of your reaction.

[Doody22]

If you are sure I would leave him and if you are always going to have issues around trust because of his history I would leave him too because you will always be stressed whenever your not with him

[Browneye57]

Start with "Who does the hair tie belong to?" And smile.
See if he has a plausible explanation. If he's still doing her you don't want him anyway.

[Meatunnel69]

Maybe its his siblings, nieces, nephews, cousins, mother, grand mother etc

[Asker]

Nope. He has 3 brothers. His mother lives out of state. The hair tie was literally next to his bed.

[Meatunnel69]

Maybe it was from an old encounter and just appeared whist he was cleaning house or whatever? Is there evidence of sexual activity in the room?

[Asker]

I talk to him everyday and was at his house everyday this week except on Wednesday. On Wednesday he ignored my calls and FaceTime and briefly responded via text. Told me he was stressed from work, which was his excuse for ignoring me that day. So, the following day on Thursday I come over and found a pink hair tie next to the side of the bed I usually sleep on. The pillow slightly had a fruity smell like a body spray. I know he cheated... I just don’t know to approach this issue. I never been cheated on before and honestly never been in love before so this is very hard to understand how to handle. Also, we been together for a year, his house is always clean and spotless and random hair tie pop up.

[Meatunnel69]

Buy a wyze cam and put it in his fucking room they are like 25$ bucks and you can watch from your phone

[ravenengr]

like everyone else is saying, you need to confront him. If he is cheating he will keep doing it and walk all over you if he knows he can get away with it. Ignoring it will only hurt you more in the long wrong. You can't pretend it didn't happen. However, I also agree that you should approach it in a calm manner and not be accusatory. Because if you are wrong, you could harm the relationship.

[Asker]

Agreed. I will do just that. Thanks.

[Meatunnel69]

@ravenengr she needs evidence to confront him besides a hair accessory. Amazon has a
Myriad of spy cams some use wifi some are standalone on an sd card she needs evidence

[Asker]

If did that and seen him in action I would be heartbroken. I don’t think I could handle that...

[ravenengr]

the hair tie, the body spray, the ignoring... there is enough there to ask. Again, i did not say acuse him. Open communication is paramount for any relationship to work. Putting a spy cam in his room a) isn't realistic and b) you are going to ruin a relationship that way 1 way or another.

[Meatunnel69]

You dont have to watch it get one that only does audio, how can you be absolutely certain he is cheating you have to know 100% if you are 100% dump his ass yesterday its not worth it cheaters will always cheat

[Asker]

That’s so tempting 😏...

[Meatunnel69]

I wish you luck there are boys out there with hearts who won't cheat on you 😘

[Nahid1707]

Yes you should talk to him about this
It’s something that made you upset

[Asker]

I want too but if I stay he may think I’m weak and continue to cheat on me thinking there will be no consequences...

[Nahid1707]

No you aren’t a weak person