Am I an idiot for forgiving my partner who cheated?

Question

Barry88 · Accepted Answer

I don't know any detail, but in general, I would say "No". Of course, I'm not saying cheating is good. It isn't. But there is usually some other problem that needs to be fixed. Some problem that led to the cheating. Most likely your partner is still in love with you, but he/she might be going through a hard time for whatever reason. Talk about it. Try to understand why your partner cheated and what can be done so it won't happen again, and how you can fix the breach of trust between the two of you. If you're both mature persons and both still love each other, it doesn't need to be the end of the relationship. But you need to talk, talk, talk and work on getting things in the right direction again. And it will take time to regain trust. You should both give yourself and your partner the time to overcome this.

ValentinVV · Accepted Answer

If can forgive him you already found the answer in your heart. If your heart is telling you to go for it. Maybe you should give him a chance. But if you have doubts you should think about it again.

Listen to your heart not to some people telling you stuff on the internet...

lumos · Answer

Maybe I'm just too black and white but I just wouldn't be able to continue being with a cheater. I don't understand the mindset of forgive and forget when it comes to cheating. Literally the whole point of being in a monogamous relationship is focusing on just that one person and not fooling around with others, whether that's physically or emotionally. If a guy can't even do that, then it's clear to me that he's not the one.

Not cheating is such a simple thing. To get to the point of actually cheating, there are so many moments where you can pull away and just be like "nah I shouldn't do this" - but cheaters choose to do it anyway. And that, I simply will never be able to wrap my mind around. It doesn't matter if they claim it was just a "one time thing" or if it happened over the span of a few months, cheating is cheating and it's not a mistake, it's a choice. A mistake is when you accidentally drop a plate on the floor because you misjudged how close you were to the table. You don't accidentally lose your pants and stumble dick-first into someone else's vagina. They broke my trust and I have no interest being in a relationship where I'm constantly feeling insecure and feeling like he could cheat on me again at any moment.

So yes, if you do stay in a relationship with a cheater, I have to admit I do find you to be a bit of an idiot. However, nothing is stopping you from leaving. And if you choose to stay, then you have to live with that choice. Plus, you have to play fair. If you've truly forgiven him, you can't use him cheating as ammo in a future argument. So think long and hard about the consequences of staying. Nor can you really feel sorry for yourself if he ever cheats again. Fool me once and all that.

sejla · Answer

Personally I don't think I could do it but if your partner is remorseful, truly sorry and makes a real effort to work on himself then it isn't a wrong decision for you. It really depends on how far that person will work to heal the hurt that was done and do the work so that this doesn't become a reoccurring issue. I think there is a small percentage of people who can make it work but it all depends on the person who cheated. If he is a long term partner if I were you I'd ask him to go to therapy to prove that he really wants to make it work.

Apope16 · Answer

NO. It depends on the relationship and why and the people involved.

Dongtai · Answer

Forgiving someone doesn’t make you an idiot. It’s a sign of maturity.

However, giving someone the opportunity to hurt you twice isn’t wise in my opinion.

Cheating is a choice. Unless they were raped, they made a decision they knew would hurt the person they “chose” to commit to. They knew the outcome and still went through with it. Sorry wouldn’t be enough to fix that for me.

Cheating is taken lightly in our society but it’s probably one of the most disrespectful and hurtful things you can do to someone who you said you loved. It’s deeper than just sex. It’s the fact that they willingly did one of the few things that could hurt you the most, when you’re supposed to be their number one.

I would forgive a cheater and then I would let them go. Maybe they’d grow from it and learn that love isn’t to be taken for granted so if they’re lucky enough to find something rare again, they wouldn’t break it. They’d lose me. But it would be up to themselves to find someone else and give themselves a second chance.

People learn through consequences. If you take a cheater back, rarely do they take it as serious as they should. All they feel is “phew. I got away with it. Either I won’t do it again or I won’t get caught next time.” But actually having to deal with their own consequences is how they’ll understand the pain of cheating and why they won’t want to do it again.

opnbuk59 · Answer

I will forgive most anything once but cheating even if your in a committed relationship or married no and I don't want to use the old saying they did it before will do it again but it shows a lack of respect for you and lack of self control on their part and in my opinion any man who fools around with another man's girl wife is the lowest and not worthy to be called a man, no self rspecting man would do that and same for any woman who fools around with a married or committed man, besides can you really honestly have the same level of trust again, you will find yourself questioning her every time she's out gone from your presence why is she this where is she at, that sooner will drive both of you crazy no morals ethics decency about them selves, but it's sad that cheating is like the normal thing to do these days couple have an argument one storms out go to a club gets drunk and cheates i don't know why you even bother to get involved if that's what's on your mind waste of time being in a relationship just to fool around on your partner or spouse what ever happen to just talking through your problems instead of running to someone else, and you wonder why kids are screwed up and the country is in moral decay, yeah your wrong for taking her back will happen again trust is gone can't live together without trust second guessing I couldn't live that way anyway wondering where she is why is she 5 minutes late that's torture I can live without, and her

Finchie40 · Answer

Yes , if your partner loved you they wouldn’t of cheated on you , the cheater can apologize and say they are sorry that it was a mistake and they never will do it again and the thing is , it’s a bunch of bullshit. Cuz they will do it again, as for the non cheater if they choose to take the cheater back they will never feel true love , considering they will never forget what their cheating partner did to them , you will never look at them the same and your trust for them will disappear , as for the cheater they begin to feel that their partner is now going to cheat on them for revenge so they end up cheating again , it’s a vicious cycle , best thing to do is move on and focus on your self worth and realize you deserve someone that will love and cherish you not someone that looks at you like a convenience. By letting that cheater go and moving on with your life in a way you are helping them see what they did was wrong and hopefully they learn to never do that again to someone , just because we gave our heart to someone doesn’t mean we can’t still love them after we let them go , we have to love ourselves and realize there is someone else out there that will love us the same way we love. My ex cheated on me and I went through the same thing I almost took her back and forgave her but I realized I could never love her the same so I let her go , even though she begs for me back I realized I deserve better , deserve someone that will love me like I love them

Unicorn213 · Answer

When it comes to giving a straying offender a second (or third or fourth) pardon, where does one draw the line?

The biggest problem with cheating on a spouse or significant other is not necessarily the sexual liaison itself, but rather the betrayal of trust it causes. This painful rupture of trust in many cases proves too much to get past. But in others, the partners, when willing and motivated, can sometimes work through this trauma together and salvage their marriage. More often than not, this salvation requires the expertise of a psychotherapist or marital counselor. Seeing a marital therapist or psychologist conjointly is certainly no guarantee of successfully saving the relationship. But, when properly approached, this therapeutic process can help heal the wounds, defuse the anger, foster better communication, and repair the breach of trust the offending partner's behavior has caused. Of course, much of this depends on how committed to rescuing the relationship both parties really still are, how much history they have together, whether children are involved, and other variables.

Anonymous · Answer

No. People have this strong tendency to assume that cheating = no morals and/or horrible person etc but in reality it's a lot more complex than that. Good people make mistakes all the time, mistakes that they regret and they'd do anything to undo them. As a guy who has cheated, I can say that I never loved my girlfriend any less. I loved her more than anything in the world and my motives for cheating were strictly sexual. I felt remorse for it and it haunts me to this day that I put her through that. However after she found out she agreed to give me another chance. I gave her all of my passwords, full access to all of my electronics, I even downloaded an app on both of our phones so she could know where I was at all times, anonymously if she ever had any doubts. Unfortunately just the simple fact that I did it was something she couldn't forgive. That and pressure from her friends/family to dump me and the fear of looking like a pushover if she didn't. In short no you're not an idiot for giving him another chance if you actually trust him and it's clear that he learned his lesson and will never do it again.

Justacatlady · Answer

Forgiveness is one thing. If you forgave him and are still in a relationship then you have a tough journey ahead. Dealing with the fallout of broken trust is not easy nor is it quick. Unless you and your partner get to the reason he cheated and can figure how to prevent that in the future this could happen again. My best advise would to be: take inventory of your relationship. What really matters to you and whether your needs are being met currently. Also think about your life goals and whether your current partner will be good to be there for you as you reach those goals.

Best of luck

akihon · Answer

Truthfully only you know the answer to this, at best we can only give a view and mostly that's going to come from our own lived experience.

So then are you an idiot, maybe, if you've forgiven your so for it and they cheat again then yes, but if you value that person enough such that what you feel for them is enough to forgive them and move on from it and, I must add, they are truly contrite about what they've done and every day resolve to not put themselves into that situation again. They take ownership of what they've done and don't try to shift the blame onto you for it and actually never does it again. Then maybe no

ArrRenn · Answer

Willingness to forgive (or its opposite) is not a measure of intelligence, but a measure of humanity. A person who is unwilling to forgive is setting a bar for themselves that they may not be able to live up to – and none of us can see what the future will bring. THAT HAVING BEEN SAID – if this is something that you do not find acceptable, it is definitely a matter to be discussed openly between you both. And if you had already reached an agreement on the subject and your partner broke that agreement... well, THAT is a sound reason for ending the partnership.

Forgiveness, however, is not something that should ever be looked at as a flaw or weakness.

stephanietoastie · Answer

I wouldn't think that idiot is the word but rather strong! I don't think you should get an opinion based on your desicions because it's you who decides what's right. It's okay to forgive and forget and it's also okay to not forgive because there is no right answer. I'm glad that you forgave your partner for cheating, even though that was such an inconsiderate thing to do, I know that you are a good person. So don't let this eat you up inside and move on from this. It will take quite a while to move on, but I know that you are strong! :)

Walt832 · Answer

You want my straight answer, "yes". You want a harmfully answer, "you totally are".

Come on you gave your trust. He or she broke it. Since when you pick up your sandles that are left in the backyard?

Males or females should validate themselves.

I am a guy just gives one chance on relationship. I do give seconds chances as in flipping your life for better. Remember we all had our lack of knowledge but a simple trust is the main one you learn.

Specially if is a relationship that has been for years. Hell no.

tiajoka · Answer

Everyone has different struggles. The question is if he's willing to work on himself and his issues to be suitable for the relationship. Like alcoholism, not everyone can stay with their partner to help them work through it; but some do. But nobody is going to stay with an alcoholic who doesn't want to get better. If he isn't putting in the effort to fix things, point it out and tell him what he needs to do. He'll do it if he's serious about you; and if you're worth it. And if he's worth it, you'll have the patience you need to work through this pain.
I've been there and I'm still struggling with the pain occasionally... but it does get better if he gets better. But you should see a psychiatrist as well. There's different methods that can help. Being cheated on can be like a traumatic event at times, and leaving it untreated can damage you psychologically.

GraveDoll · Answer

yep.

forgiving and letting bygones be bygones is one thing

but i would never get back with someone who cheated. i will never be able to view them the same. The fact they did that and can do it again. would always be on my mind and the fact the let go of me for just asec to do the deed is just enough to make me sick

BCA6010 · Answer

In my opinion, cheaters can't ever be trusted again, and that's based mainly on personal experience. If you think you've made the right decision, then I wouldn't question it unless you have a good reason to do so, or else this alone is going to destroy your relationship.

wekikz1990 · Answer

you are a kind person... that's why you forgived him... but hey... don't give him a second chance... when someone cheats on you there is a 75% of chance that he eventually will do it again... but i understand you, you love him, that's why you forgive him, but giving him a 2nd chance is very risky so...
but you need to think it some more if you got this in mind:
"i want to give him a 2 chance because i love him".. (´ . .̫ . `)

Alpha09 · Answer

Depends. I mean there would have to be a really good reason for me to forgive let alone stay with a cheating partner. Relationships can work after someone fucks up, but it's rare. You have to be incredibly secure and you have to trust your partner again. But they disrespected you willingly so personally I'd let them go. If you stay and they cheat again then you start to look extra stupid.

Miristheiss · Answer

Yes.
First I do not like the term forgive when it is used to define whether to stay or go.
Yes, you should leave them.
Enjoy a life of stress, wondering where he is, if he is lying, checking his phone and dealing with the mental image of him screwing another woman.
You rejected the peace of dumping him and finding a faithful mate.

Nik1hil · Answer

It depends...
Was it a one time heat of the moment..
Or he constantly kept cheating...
Was it just sex.. Or he did other things with her..
Does he loves you still is begging to be with you...
Can you move past it and be with him happily..

nelly83 · Answer

90% of the time cheating is unforgivable unless he has some extraordinary reason. But there are so many wives out there who do not care to fulfill their husbands needs. It tends ot happen when wives believe they have been married for so long that their marriages no longer need work. They feel too safe

SaraSmithishere · Answer

Maybe? I do think that men who cheat once will cheat again. There was a guy at my college who kept on coming onto me when he had a girlfriend, and I rejected him, so he hooked up with a few other women, even though he was in a relationship. He contacted me a few years later and told me that he was in my city and that he wanted to hook up, I denied him, and then I saw on his FB that he had a fiance! Some men who cheat once will try it again and again.

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

It's not wrong to give a second chance to a person if you are in truly in deep love with him, but the question is if you were in his shoes would he have done the same for many people forgive but you will really never trust him again and where there is no trust the relation won't survive for much long but I appreciate your kind heartdness..

simplelikeme · Answer

Absolutely, once that person cheats on you and you forgive them. Sooner or later they are going to go out and cheat on you again. In my book this is unacceptable, if I found out my significant other cheated on me. I would just look at her and smile and say I buy now... I don't put up for that nonsense. Find somebody else sweetie.

ProfoundNflawed · Answer

Personally, I'd never forgive a partner who cheats because I'm sure when he gets away with it, he will do it again perhaps subtly. And I'd never want anyone to make a fool out of me that way...
Once a cheat, always a cheat !

sheildagent · Answer

Sometimes it's okay to give your partner a second chance if they understand how much they screwed up. However, it's usually not the best choice and they probably will cheat again after realizing they can get away with it.

KillerToffy · Answer

He didn't wanted to quit or cheat you. He wanted to quit the one he became.
Understand why and keep on if you can.
If he can't find reasons, or can't be himself with you, that means no introspection. It will happen again.

lightbulb27 · Answer

no. but that's your side of it that you own. the root issue is on his side and he has to embrace change, otherwise... the broken record has risk of repeating.

People can say what they want... but it is the inner self that makes the decisions.

RemoErdosain · Answer

I wouldn't say you're an idiot. You're just vulnerable. You shouldn't get back to someone who cheated on you, though. They will do it again. Cheaters are like that. I've never met a cheater who didn't do it again

Anonymous · Answer

I regretted to do so. My ex cheated on me and told me he was sorry so I believed him. Short time after that it was over. He dumped me. He didn't just cheated but lied. That hurts.

mattl338 · Answer

Yes you are, forgiving someone who cheated on you is like getting up immediately after being mauled by a bear, they will only do it again until you're gone.

LaureenVO · Answer

Mostly when people cheat once, they will do it again (not all of them!). There only is one second change. Don't give him a third if it ever comes to that.

MissDawn7961 · Answer

no you are not an idiot for forgiving helps your health and you to heal too ! now go out there and find the best opposite sex partner you can find by joining some online dating sites ! Thanks

Regmorus · Answer

It depends on how long you are already in the relationship and on about whom we are talking. Generally, no, on the contrary. It's part of it in most relationships, if that occurs seldom.

Sarahr123 · Answer

I could never trust someone again if they betrayed me once. I should be able to trust them without worrying about them disappearing to bang another girl.

NickiB1 · Answer

No. if he cheated and he seems remorseful and you feel he is worth another chance go for it.

But you need to seriously set the expectations that this is his last chance.

if he give you any reason to suspect he at it again, you ghost

Ogrey95 · Answer

People are creatures that lust and if he has found desire in another woman once then you are clearly not fulfilling his every desire and he will find desire in another woman again

Reaperbot666 · Answer

depends if you truly believe they are sorry and if it was a mistake / one time deal or not. however imagine it will take time to rebuild lost trust.

Daniela1982 · Answer

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Why are you setting yourself up for the 2nd time?

Strahd · Answer

No. It only makes you human. Now to get past the cheating thing is the why? Is that an ok thing to do now? Is it only one way? Should we break off. Am I OK with it? Can I move on? Stay together? Can we have other partners? I can go on...

Levin · Answer

I would not take someone back. But every person and circumstance is different. Can't really see a justification for it.

DizzyDesii · Answer

No but you chose the risky path of “learning the hard way.” Hopefully they dont fail you

Loredey · Answer

No, I don't think so... If both oft you decided to rescue the relationship, it means that you still love each other, right?

kangy · Answer

I dont know why you would. you are a forgiving and soft hearted person. I know I won't be able to do that.

Unit1 · Answer

In my opinion? Pretty much. If you forgive and then also stay with a partner, who cheated, then that means you either allow them to screw you over again or you might be a cuckold/cuckquean.

ColoradoKid · Answer

It's never stupid to forgive someone. Its not smart to take them back as to it may lead to more heartache. I can't say that its stupid.

Crystal03 · Answer

No, you just have a big heart but you gave it to the wrong person.

ShortCircuit · Answer

Yes, and moreover, it's people like you that enable infidelity.

potatoiswhoiam · Answer

Forgiving is a must if you want to go on in life.  Letting him back into your life is what's dumb

DiegoO · Answer

To forgive an affair doesn't mean you should get back with your partner. What it means is: do you still trust your partner? Would you be able to still trust your partner?

Anonymous · Answer

Forgiving is a great thing to do in life - but if you mean getting back with him then I don't believe that is healthy for you

AngelLily · Answer

Na you can forgive someone without getting back with them.

Trooper205 · Answer

Not at all! In fact, you're an Angel and a brave, selfless Sweetheart for doing so! Not many people can do that!

chriscdi · Answer

personally i think so, now hopefully he doesn't one day make you regret it, its all we can hope for now

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

No. Forgiveness is a very good virtue to have. Moreover, don't be silly, he most likely will cheat again on you though. My advice is to move on from him.

padreflint · Answer

No you aren't, it may have been a one off situation. If you continue the relationship I would be wary but not obsessive about the possibility of cheating again.

miMichael · Answer

Only if he does it again you will know for sure, I'm sorry.

littlemisssara · Answer

No. It shows that deep down you have feelings which means you're not dead so congratulations!! Just be careful because in this situation you are vulnerable and it will make someone think they can get away with it

MountAverage · Answer

We don't know what the situation and the background story are, so I don't think any of us are in the position to judge that.

Countrywildmangirl · Answer

No ur not idiot I forgive my boyfriend who emotional cheated on me

Am I an idiot for forgiving my partner who cheated?

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Will you forgive if your partner cheated on you?

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