Did I fall into the housewife trap?

[Anonymous]

Without being married, that is. I partly live at my boyfriend’s and I help out with household chores, drive his kids to school and whatever. I love him and he is very kind to me, but I sometimes feel I’m being a housewife to him without us actually being married. I do have my own life with full time studies and my own place also.

[TemptedTerry]

You know that relationships are about compromise. And you do these things for him because you love him, and you believe he would do these things (or similar) things for you.

Perhaps the relationship is becoming a bit real, and you have a snapshot of how your life for the immediate future will play out. And you have wrapped up that feeling in to the housewife tag. Possibly with some justification.

You will have to think about the future with him, and what you want it to be. He has kids, and he will prioritise them. If he didn't, he wouldn't be the man for you right?

If long term you think you will be happy being his actual housewife, then no real issues right? If you don't want that, then you will need to figure out what you di want. If it's just that ring in the finger, just wait. It will happen ;)

[Asker]

Excellent reply, thank you

[Unit1]

Not really. Just be vigilant and be on the lookout for a job opportunity.
You'll fall into the housewife trap if he starts dictating your life - even to the detail.

[Animal7890]

He’s very kind to you. Has he said that he loves you? If not you’re a maid you’ve not even achieved housewife status.

I’ve been in your shoes so I know this sucks to hear but I’m my opinion he’s just treating you like a doormat.

I’d go back to you home and make him work for the things you do for him and his kids.

[slatyb]

What does he do in return?

[Asker]

Cooks and has sex with me

[Asker]

He fixed my car for me

[slatyb]

Has sex with you isn’t a gift from him, that’s mutual. Fixing your car is something he did for you. How do you feel about it? Are you happy to help or feeling resentful? It doesn’t sound like there’s much time left over for you to pursue your own interests. What do you want? If you stay with him his children are always going to be demanding attention. Do you want to be married? Do you want children of your own? Think about this now instead of just going along for years because breaking up seems difficult.

[Asker]

I would definitely want to ultimately get married. Don’t really want any children of my own. And I don’t have much time for anything else. Apart from school I go to the gym and that’s it, but I don’t mind.