How can I express my feelings without guilt tripping someone?

[Guest25]

A couple years ago a person whom I'm no longer friends with, had told me that I tend to guilt trip people. I've never done this intentionally, and I didn't take it to heart at the time because he couldn't process emotions like regular people such as remorse, pity and other emotions such as those. However recently I've been talking with this woman, and over the weekend she called me out on some stuff. I'm taking the week to selfanalyze, and look inwardly to see where it's coming from and figure out how to correct the problem. One of the things that she's called me out on is that I guilt trip her. Looking back at our conversations and thinking back to that friend who said the same thing. The only places I can find where someone would think I'm guilt tripping them, is when I talk about how I'm feeling about something in regards to them or their actions, and try to explain the reasoning to why I feel that way. One thing I know I can do is work on not setting up any expectations because even my realistic expectations are hardly ever met. Another thing I could do is just not talk about how I'm feeling and when asked just straight up lie about it (not a very healthy thing to do, but I could probably find another place to let it out). Is there any way I can talk about how I'm feeling without guilt tripping someone?

[iTsMeeeeeeee]

I might be the last person you would like an opinion from because I’ve actually been friends with a male who I felt was guilt tripping me (and I had other friends who thought the same) and I’m unsure whether he was doing it knowingly or just trying to tell me how he was feeling..
the only thing I could say that made me think he was guilt tripping me and that differed from when other people tell me their feelings is that he seemed quite emotionally immature. The way he said it didn’t seem like he was after a resolution, a talk, comfort, etc.. he was just after me to not be mad at him and not hold him accountable for his actions... his feelings were always more important than mine in our conversations and whenever I would try to say that I was upset about something he would turn it back on me instead of mutually sharing and moving forward.. that’s what made it sound like guilt tripping... the “that’s not my fault really because you do this and I’m the victim you can’t be upset I’m upset I’m the victim...”
I think maybe the best advice I could give you is to make sure you are also listening to the other persons feelings and that will in turn make them more open to listening to yours. I know this was a little bit long and there’s a bit of personal anger throughout but that’s not saying you’re exactly like this person. I definitely don’t think you should hide your feelings as that isn’t good for you or your relationships either. Best of luck!


Just a question that you don’t have to answer: do you have autism or anything like that? Or a mental illness? My old friend in my little story was autistic. :)

[Guest25]

I'm bipolar. However I don't like to hide behind that as an excuse, or use it as a card to get away with something. I have struggles that I am still working on overcoming, but some of those struggles I've ignored because I hardly ever interact with people anymore, and it has been a very long time since I've been put in situations that are frustrating and stressful.

[Anonymous]

i come from a family of guilt trippers.
there's the “if i died tomorrow” , “what if that’s the last thing you ever say to me” tripper
and the “you make me feel worthless” tripper.

when i express myself i always make it completely about me. “i feel sad or unloved or like im not a priority” or “my feelings were hurt when” rather than laying blame like “you did this to me” you just talk about how you feel and what can be done about it. make it a calm conversation without blaming the emotions on the other person.

of course im just going off a vague understanding of your situation

[ConnorJHutton531]

At first I thought you meant this in the context of a romantic relationship, but this might still help: if your needs aren’t being met say “I feel like I’m being ignored. We haven’t been on a date in two-and-a-half weeks.” (‘Cause I’d rather not say three weeks, two is too little.)
But in the context of friendships, try not to expect more from what the person already did for you.
For my birthday, back in high school, a friend gave me Injustice: Gods Among Us (a DC superhero fighting game) but the version he gave me wasn’t the ultimate edition with the bonus DLC characters and all the skins. Thinking back only a few of the skins were important to me, but later on I still texted him, after he texted me, “that was the game you really wanted, right?” or something like that, then I texted him a “...”. He did not like and of course I did apologize. 😓 Do not do sh! t like that.

[slatyb]

Your feelings are your feelings. You can say “when you did.., I felt...” no one can argue with that.

[CuteNerd9]

Take it from someone who has had the same problem, don't try to change yourself too much. It will drive you crazy. What I typically do is be as open and honest with people and explain early on that I'm an emotionally expressive person. I also have an anexiety disorder. These two things together have made people uncomfortable in the past. If I don't Express to you honestly how I feel I will obsess over it until my brain implodes. My intention is not to make you feel guilty or manipulated you, it is to engage in open and honest communication with you regarding how I feel. I also want to know how you feel, whether that's good or bad. I need to sort though and discuss feelings otherwise my mind runs rampant with worst case scenarios and assumptions. I will try not to be overwhelming with this, buy know that by the time I say I need to talk about it, it's becoming overwhelming for me. This is who I am. Accepting me means accepting this part of me.

[missy52]

To be honest, that was very vague.

[FýrdracaDócincel]

Translate them into thought and expectation.

[PrinceNeo]

Say it ass a joke