I’d say it’s a host of issues. One is the perceived power dynamic of men in the world, which can give the impression of “taking advantage” of a younger woman, whereas it takes a specifically powerful older woman to create a similar dynamic. Also, I think the general societal mood is that a young dude is too willing to be truly taken advantage of, whereas we say a young gal might be “manipulated.”
The part that may not land as well, but I’m trying to keep it a buck... I think women are very triggered by the idea of themselves aging/having aged out of desirability to men, more so than men do, as men usually don’t feel their value as a partner is as tied into their looks. So when they see men who might be their own age or older passing them by for younger women, they get upset, and the very idea of that is upsetting. Even women still in that age group, if not already put off by an older man’s age, they feel like their own “expiration date”, if you will, is approaching, and there goes the triggering. So when they see an older woman with a younger guy, even if the on-paper age gap seems off to them, it still must be reassuring and thus gets perceived more positively. Plus, it’s just flipping an established common-enough-to-take-note-of dynamic on its head.
Of course some people just have a set idea of acceptable age gaps, period, this wouldn’t apply to them if they’re genuine in those beliefs. But if not, I think some of my aforementioned ideas can factor into it. That’s my hypothesis anyway.
It happens 🤷🏻♂️ people can love anybody they want.
I think it's the other way around. I think people are more weirded out when an older woman is with a younger man. My husband is actually 16 years younger than me. I'm not saying that older men with younger women don't get any hate/unfair judgement (people often assume he's just interested in her for the sex and/or she's a gold-digger). However, I do think older women with younger men get the judgement a fair amount more. There's no term for an older man with a younger woman, but I get called a "cougar" a fair amount.
Why is this? I think it's mostly because older women being with younger men was almost unheard of in the past and is still very unusual now. Older men with younger women isn't necessarily super common, but it's been common enough that people think a lot less of it. I also think that childbearing has something to do with it. An older man can still have a kid with a younger woman, but that's not always true the other way around (but it's also not always false. I've actually had 2 kids with my husband.)
Regardless I've just learned to not let it bother me. When people think my marriage is weird I just let it roll off my back. I'm happy, he's happy, our kids are happy, and that's all that matters.
Have a girlfriend that was 21 and dating a guy 36 have a male friend 22 dating a 42 year women who was absolutely a knock out better everything then girls in there 20s and my girlfriend would say that's just disgusting he is dating her fast forward 15 years she now 36 cubby / heavy out of shape single and guy friend 37 married to now 57 year old woman still smoking hot wears a bikini adopted two kids and happy and girlfriend says what does he see in her can't understand people.
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