Am I being over dramatic or do I actually have reason to be upset?

[Anonymous]

So this all happened today actually, in the morning , i woke up a little earlier than him to make his lunch for work and decided to make an actual breakfast today to sit down and eat with him before he headed off to work. He woke up saying he had to use #2 so he went to the bathroom. ( sorry for the tmi ) he spent 20+ minutes in there taking up all the time we had. He came out and i asked if he had his phone on him ( me and him made an agreement he would take his “ game phone “ to the restroom not his official phone for texting and stuff ) then i said which phone? He made a face to make me feel bad and i got upset and said no you know i told you not to take your phone into the restroom? Only your play phone since he claims all he does is play games right? Then i sat down and said eat , and he said oh yeah well its already getting late ill just eat it on the way over there. I started to cry because all the time we could have spent before him heading off to work went to waste because of whatever he's doing in the restroom on his phone. Am i being over dramatic? Or is he just showing he doesn't care for time together anymore?

Updates

+1 y

Just to add this is my baby daddy just incase y'all were wondering who im talking about

[HollyK21]

I promise I’m not trying to offend you or invalid your feelings, but not only are you being over dramatic, it’s insecure. You’re restricting him like a child (he’s only “allowed” to take one phone into the bathroom? What is he 13?) for starters. I don't know if he cheated in the past or you had a really bad experience with an ex but regardless, if you’re gonna be with him you have to let it go and move on, it’s not fair to him at all. If he did cheat and you can’t let go of his indiscretion without letting it mess with how you treat him then you need to let him go, girl. This is toxic behavior. Secondly, I understand you feeling upset about him missing the breakfast you made, but come on, that situation was out of his control, his stomach was sick for crying out loud. Then for you to essentially throw a tantrum and break down is manipulative and childish. Like I said, I’m not whatsoever trying to make you feel bad, but if you don’t want to eventually lose him entirely, you’ve got to check yourself a bit.

[HollyK21]

*invalidate

[magiusX26]

very well said and put.

[Asker]

No, your opinion is very much needed. Its understandable my behavior is toxic but it was never like this before , his actions from past things were him watching things he should not be watching in the bathroom texting people in the bathroom. He spends 15-20 minutes using #2 each bathroom visit but brings his phone? But i can see where your coming from how it looks toxic. Im currently pregnant right now so my hormones are everywhere. I just fear getting played especially while in the process of having his child.

[Asker]

Also, i didn't break down over the phones being in the restroom with him , i broke down because he tends to spend less and less time with me anymore , also he has a few set of very toxic rules on me himself like wearing certain clothes i can't wear shorts without a jacket around my waist , and much more.

[HollyK21]

Got it, I can understand your frame of mind a bit better with what you’ve added and I’m sure the pregnancy hormones do not help. Have you spoken with him about spending more time together? Maybe alotting certain times that are dedicated solely to hanging out with you? Because that could help. Also, as far as getting played, what I’ve learned over the years is that if a man is going to cheat or anything of that nature then there is absolutely nothing you can do. You can’t be with him 24/7 or monitor his moves, because not only is that exhausting but you don’t want to be in that position. If you trust him, like without a doubt then you need not worry about what he does in the bathroom. If he’s looking at dirty things, knows you don’t like it and still does it, that’s another situation you can’t control and shouldn’t want to. You want someone who stops doing those things effortlessly.

[Asker]

I've tried speaking to him about it like after work i try sitting down with him and talking but he just kind of stays quiet or plays on his phone. I only get one day on the weekends recently its been Saturday if we do something like go out but he made my days on sundays which kind of bothers me because he goes to sleep early those days but i just put up with it. Also with monitoring him , i can stop but then i start overthinking , and while he's gone i just think about how things were before when he would actually want to be around me , fight for me and everything then i start my monitoring again because i get bothered. He recently got a new phone and i told him hey just take one to work the other one doesn't work anyway right? And the next day he took it to work secretly. I found out and he just joked about it saying he didn't tell me because i would have made him late. I let him get away with so many things i tell him to stop but if i post a picture on social media like a selfie he gets all mad? Yet doesn't take the time to post me put me on his profile nothing so of course when i start overthinking and all that its not just that i worry he's cheating its me worrying he doesn't love me the same and never will again

[HollyK21]

I feel you, I genuinely do because I was in a situation like that and it sucks a lot. What this all boils down to is what you can control. The things out of your control are his actions, and how he is responding to you literally expressing that you are unhappy. You also cannot control if he cheats or has eyes for other women. Basically all the things that happens on his end. What you CAN control, is how you respond and what you will do next. Because it’s not just you anymore, you have a baby on the way and your focus needs to be 100% there. You can’t stress over your man’s actions, because stress and anguish and all that negativity is affecting your baby. That’s when you put your foot down, and put you and the baby first because he/she does not deserve to feel your pain and stress. If that means leaving your boyfriend then so be it. I get it, you don’t want to, you also don’t want to do the parenting thing alone. But who’s to say you will? Who’s to say leaving won’t make your boyfriend do a 180 and act right? Those are future situations for future times. You can only focus on right now and doing what is the most healthy. So stop worrying, and trying to make things fit where they don’t. Stop trying to control things that you simply cannot. If your boyfriend wants to be a dick, a cheater or whatever the hell he could end up being, then that’s on him, you’ve got a much bigger role to focus on.

[2021biguy]

Don't cry, it's not your fault but maybe he is just playing games.

[spartan55]

Wow, I can see why he avoids you.

[Anonymous]

I would feel the same as you.