What do I say to an ex who is texting and flirting again but not asking me out? He dumped me and now dances around doing things together but not?

[AlisaSDakota]

I'm really struggling. I was in what I thought was a great relationship for 4 months. We spent tons of time together, had fun... the only negative was he didn't seem to deal with conflict well. He said we shouldn't even have conflict because we were in the "honeymoon phase." One day we had a little bit of conflict and that was it, he said we should just be friends. I cried for weeks over him. Now he's texting again and being flirty. He'll say things like "you should come over and watch a movie" (at 9:45PM) or "I have plenty of leftovers" with a wink face. But he hasn't said anything like I'm sorry I want you back, just all this weird dancing around and wink faces. I feel more and more like I don't want him back even though I still love him and miss him. I have trouble saying no and hurting people. Please help me! This isn't the kind of relationship I wanted, but I don't know what to say since he hasn't actually asked anything. Also not sure if it matters but he has been divorced twice. I also don't think he wants commitment anymore but I do. I blame myself for not being able to speak my mind.

Updates

+1 y

I should say that so far I have declined "advances" or whatever they are. But today he asked if I was working and if I had plans... I said I was busy so he said he would "save his invite" for another time. ? I want someone who can just directly ask me out like he used to? I also don't want to hurt him like he hurt me.

[Ghostykill3r]

My best guess is that he likes being in a relationship with you for the fun parts, the hanging out, the romance, possibly the sex (I don't know if y'all were doing that), and having someone there for him. However he doesn't want to deal with any of the difficulties or differences, he wants to stay permanently in that "honeymoon phase" where there's never anything bad and only good, and that's just not how relationships work. He likely broke up with you when things got difficult or annoying to him, then realized he wouldn't have any of the good parts so is trying to just keep those parts.

[AlisaSDakota]

Appreciate your insight thank you

[LuminousMind]

@Ghostykill3r
I just wanted to say I really like your advice and if you wouldn’t mind I’d appreciate a follow so I could pm you about an opinion on a situation tho due to xper level I can’t without a follow. Thank you in advance!

[FloridaWeatherDude]

He's interested but very insecure as well. Cut the cord and move on.

[SheerKiss3]

I wouldn't be even talking with him again. But that is up to you.

[AlisaSDakota]

I know, I feel like I already messed up by being friendly in texts and now I don't know how to get out of it

[SheerKiss3]

Just make excuses in polite way whenever he try to contect you. Then he will understand with time that you are no longer interested. But if you are having hard time to stay away from him, try zero contact that will help you.

[AlisaSDakota]

Thank you!

[SheerKiss3]

You are welcome

[Avicenna]

You need to communicate what it is you want

[Ghostykill3r]

So does he

[Pterodon]

Shame on you for communicating at all

[Ghostykill3r]

Why?

[Pterodon]

@Ghostykill3r because you never have anything to do with an ex. He’s only sniffing around because he’s horny and can’t find someone else. Stop pretending you don’t know what he’s doing

[Pterodon]

@Ghostykill3r I know what you’re doing. Blowing smoke up her ass pretending to be mr nice guy.

[Ghostykill3r]

Some people don't have the same amount of experience with relationships, or don't understand human behavior/emotions as easily as "the norm" it's not about pretending not to know, people can genuinely not know things. I'm also not doing what you think I am I have no desire to talk to her except relating to this specific question. I'm honestly confused what you think I would get out of this.