Is this revenge on my boyfriend's part?

[Anonymous]

I know long ago, we ended on bad terms. I ended up yelling at him and called him a loser.

We got back in 2018 (many things happened) and all of the sudden he's getting demanding on everything. I have to take pictures of every single food and then he grades them. It's gotta be creative and presentable for 5 days (Mon-Fri) and if not, I get reprimanded. In addition, the pictures have to be taken nice because my pictures are ugly and horrible.

He won't progress the relationship to where I want because of the same excuse ''oh not until you do more new recipes and open your online business within a year''. This isn't the guy I met long ago. This sounds like a newer, meaner version. I became a more understandable person (more accepting by now, less demanding and just don't feel like arguing with anyone) and he turned like my younger version, too picky, too much.

I understand I've made mistakes in the past but isn't it enough by now? I feel this is an act of revenge on his part. I don't feel happy at all. I feel this is forced, pressured and at some point overwhelmed.

Updates

+1 y

I had no idea he had this conditions for getting back with him years later. If I knew he changed to that version, I would've never gotten back.

I always thought two wrongs don't make a right. I was wrong but wow... I feel like this isn't a happy, even relationship. I feel this is some type of dictatorship.

Updates

+1 y

Sometimes I just want to eat a simple milk and cereal for breakfast, no fancy plates, no fancy decoration, no nothing... just simply. If I make something fancy then it would be to actually sell, to the public but not for me.

[caring__1]

Chances are this isn't premeditated revenge, but after his first experience with you, prioritizing your feelings didn't work, so he may have lost his motivation to be considerate of your feelings now. Without getting professional help, this relationship is probably doomed. You showed him you were entitled to push your agenda onto him, so now he feels he's entitled to push his agenda onto you. This is unhealthy, and I'm not sensing the two of you have the tools to fix what's broken.

[Asker]

I think even if I've accomplished his sudden needs through this pressure and he were to promote (as he calls it) as his fiancee, I feel that I would already be too overwhelmed and stressed out by then... that I'll gladly say ''no, no thank you''.

[Asker]

I guess this isn't good then. I imagine these outcomes are gonna happen:
- The goes no where and at some point it ends
- I passed his requirements but still say no if proposed... leading to the same result of relationship ending.

[caring__1]

Sometimes people are so hurt, they can't let go of that hurt. Anything or anyone that's a reminder of that hurt just brings back the hurt again. They may say they want to let go of the pain or claim they've let go of the pain, but their actions are a clearer representation of their true feelings than their words.

It's like deja vu. When we experience deja vu, we're not experiencing as we are today, but as we were when we first experienced it. If you were traumatized as a 10-year-old, any deja vu reminder will be experienced from the eyes of a 10-year-old.

Possibly he can work through this with a trauma therapist, but I wouldn't hold my breath and continue to see happily ever after.

[spartan55]

So, if you would have known he changed you wouldn't have taken him back... Yet you're still there now.

[Asker]

I got stuck. He was ok in the beginning and then suddenly changed when I had already feelings, fallen back for him.

[Asker]

It was a sudden surprise.

[spartan55]

I don't get that. I couldn't have feelings for someone who treated me like that. If I did from before then they would vanish quickly.

[_SEBZER_]

wtf this relation is so toxic... escape till you can.

[Yourfriend2021]

Why did you get back together with him in the first place if you thought he was a loser?