I'm moving to college next week and I've not been very successful in my dating life so far, and I'm hoping to change that. I've been told I should put myself out there more and "shoot my shot." Yet, when thinking about approaching a woman, I always get the feeling that they'll be annoyed and not want to talk to me. Maybe its my social anxiety I'm not sure.
Do women find approaches annoying or nice? Does it vary from person to person? Is there anything I can do to make an appraoch better or make them more receptive to the approach?
Thanks in advance for any answers
Do girls like being approached or do they find it annoying?
yes they find it annoying unless they want to be approached, then they are happy. Girls are likely insecure, moody, or... very experienced by now. Girls read your emotions, so that is what you will lead with.
I only had female acquaintenances in college and would talk to them like people, not dating. Didn't ask a singler girl to date... didn't date at all in college... who actually has time for that is beyond me. I graduated top of my class... very top, and I ain't that bright. It's your choice how to spend your $$,$$$. But social preparation is part of life and education, so can be part of your investment in yourself.
So who cares what they want, do it anyways is my best advice and not care about the result. Do it confident and study up on good behavior, approach, conversation, being witty.
Eventually you'll find someone interested that you like as well and move onto the next steps of life. The learning and discovery never end and that's good.
firstly women love the be approached. unless their family member or dog just died, then no, they wouldn't be in the mood for anything.
but its the way you approach them that matters. its not as easy or similar to what they show in movies at all. movies have a limited time to air, so they summarize it quickly, like fast forward it for us. but in reality the less women dont know that you're trying to approach them, the more succesful you'll be. i say this because a lot of women myself included can be selfish and have high egos. but you'll never know which person has an inflated ego or whatnot. for the women out there who like their ego stroked, and when a man approaches them in a not so smooth way, they will know, and they will think they can play you, which you do not want. thats the reason why you should think and plan hard of a way to approach as if you haven't planned anything at all. its a bit confusing, but humans are like that. and finally, when woman start to like you in the long run without planning to fall in love with you, you would have taken them by surprise and itll be like theybe been enchanted. hope this helped
I can only speak for myself when I say that I do not like to be approached and I find it indeed annoying.
The reason is obvious. Men in my age group (16-25) are approaching women for one single and specific reason. That is to attempt to get under her skirt and into her pants. There is no other reason why a total stranger would approach a woman.
Since I am not into dating, flirting or being targeted by men, I find it to be very bothersome. Unfortunately, a great number of those men have a hard time understanding the words "no" and "not interested, thank you".
I place my education first and have no time to waste on something I know is not going to do anything for my education.
You’re full of shit. Just like every other woman, you’re a black hole for attention. You only say you hate it so that maybe you can convince yourself that it’s true.
A number of people cannot understand that some girls don't like to be approached. I had my share of bad experiences and that is why I don't like it. There is no mystery to it.
@Uptowngirl88 I guess that girls have to live with the constant harassment. By no means do I put all men in the same basket. There are both gentlemen and black sheep...
No dude. If you see a girl that perks your interest... keep approaching. You'll never see her again if you don't seize the moment. You've got to be prepared for rejection. You'll be alone if you fail to be bold and act because you are afraid of rejection. Who cares if some don't like you approaching them. Since women never approach anyone and the human race would cease to exist if we had to wait for women to approach men and they had to go through the rejection. Who cares if some don't like it.
That is why they call it "fish in the sea". If you want to catch a good one you've got to through out a big net. Talk and meet lots of girls... ask out lots of girls and you may then find and meet that one "big fish" special girl. If you only cast your line in once a year and you only aim for 1 fish... chances are you'll just be alone.
Keep asking out girls and approaching girls that you are interested in.
You may see some girl that takes your breath away in a Starbucks. If you don't approach her you'll never meet her. You've got to throw caution to the wind and approach her and say "Excuse me, I wanted to let you know you've totally taken my breath away. When would you be free to meet me for lunch?".
It is up to them to have interest or not... say yes or not. Let them do their thing you keep doing yours. Men have to initiate. Women don't do it. Since they do not approach, they don't take chances, they don't put themselves out there, they don't ask guys out you need to ignore the few that may want to squash you in your attempt to meet someone. Shrug off the rejection , if it comes, and you keep taking chances.
@Miristheiss dir mag es heiss sein aber du laesst mich total kalt, auch mit deinem Protzerfahrzeug...
I am not interested in dating. Have you got such a hard time understanding it?
I look at a person for one second to assess that person or the threat. If that person is not known to me, then I switch to the next one. The guy (or girl) can be a handsome one but it does not change how my motus operandi works.
I am talking to the guy who responded "so I should just end up lonely?"
His reaction/response to ONE girl saying she doesn't like it... is that he should just stop approaching girls and asking them out. I'm telling him that rejection comes with the territory. He can't let one girl saying she doesn't want a guy to approach her stop him from asking girls out. He'll probably get told "no" a lot and more girls will say they aren't interested than then that take him up on his date request.
My advise is that he can't let the no's and rejection discourage him. He will end up single, unmarried if he let's a possible no stop him from trying.
My advise to him is shrug off the no's and you keep taking risks and you keep approaching anyone that you are interested in.
Once again... I'm responding to HIM... not you. You don't need to reply to me.
Every girl wants to me approached, or I should say. Every girl wants to meet a cool guy. It's just about HOW they want to meet him and what type of guy that might vary. For the vast majority of girls that are normal they want to be approached.
Some girls have social anxiety and want a guy to approach, but avoid people, stay at home, and to some degree get nervous and freak out a bit when guys try.
Some girls have their head up their ass and will be like UUUUGH, you're trying to get LAID aren't you! As if there's something wrong with that even if you were doing just that.
Some girls are uptight and basically don't want to talk to you unless you have enough about you that indicates you're somebody with some status or vetted by her friend group unless she finds you very physically attractive right away.
The one thing all girls don't want is to be caught in a situation that they don't like and don't know how to get out of. Basically guys they don't want to talk to who are not leaving them alone. That's the major concern
Approaching and attracting are the two opposite ends of a spectrum. It's called "Power vs Force." There's a book with the same title. You might want to look it up.
For some reason, society encourages women to attract and men to be trying, forcing things to happen.
Listen to your feelings when they say, "I always get the feeling that they'll be annoyed and not want to talk to me."
The reason you feel this way is because you have no business talking to these strangers. You're trying to force shit, and it doesn't make any sense.
Now, how do you become attractive instead?
You work on your self-concept and core beliefs to get rid of trauma and insecurities. Everybody has them. Once you clean them up, you will become confident naturally. That's what they mean when they say confidence is attractive.
You become involved in your local community. You bring good energy. You are helpful.
The gender role of a man is to be helpful. Hold the door when someone needs it. Help carrying stuff. Help with whatever skills you have. (The gender role of a woman is to be warm and welcoming.)
And boom! You are attractive. Guys want to be friends with you. Girls want a relationship with you. Teachers want to cut you some slack. People want to give you job opportunities.
Girls who say they don't like being approached also are the ones who are single.
Trust me girls love being approached, my female friends love it. Sure there might be some girls that might not respond positively but they are small proportion. Majority of girls love it. So you absolutely should be approaching girls. Its natural. I mean romance novels billion dollar industry wouldn't exist without this concept.
So don't let replies by few girls make you feel dejected, I can tell you guys with 100% certainty majority of girls love being approached. Its how you do it that's more important. Bookshops, supermarkets, university etc wherever you see a girl you like, approach & initiate a conversation.
I can guarantee you most of these girls saying no they don't like being approached are lying, yes I indeed said exactly that - lying. Its natural. Do guys not like checking out girls when they're looking sexy? Same way girls love when guys approach them.
So no girls don't find it annoying, majority of girls like it, its natural, they obviously want guys to approach them. What do girls complain about frequently? Yes not being approached. So yes definitely approach girls you like, do not let few opinions deter you, they are definitely a minority. Any girl you like approach.
Only thing worse than not taking a shot is, a shot not taken!
It varies. If you're really good looking, they'll be offended if you don't - they're all rather vain. Mostly they claim that any word out of a man's mouth is 'creepy' - their favorite stupid word.
Since you're still in school it's hard to show wealth, but even if your family is obviously rich, you'll have a leg-up.
You really need to work on your game. You need a casual approach, an innoccous way to strike up a convo. The good news is that an awful lot of young women in college are there to find a man, and or at least find a few to fuck their brains out. So you're in a good place. Some of them have been so cooped up and hemmed in their whole life by their parents, they're just looking for a way to cut loose.
It depends. I'll only want it if I'm already attracted to that person, but if I'm not, I'll find it strange and creepy. I think it's better to message the person you're interested in online because it's less work and safer, and if she rejects you, it won't really hurt your ego lol. But if she's truly a stranger, someone you won't have the opportunity to meet on a daily basis, I think it's worth a shot; there's no harm in trying; at the very least, you won't have any regrets because you took a risk. However, if it is someone you know, such as someone on your campus, and you see her on a regular basis, you can simply message her.
I usually hate being approached by men because they usually start by saying something crude and inappropriate, leer too close into my space, or won’t take no for an answer. However, a few times at college I’ve had decent experiences. One guy sat on a bench and asked me to watch his backpack while he used the restroom and ended up chatting with me about which classes he was taking. Another guy simply asked for my number at work. No weird compliments, no invasion of personal space, just being honest and upfront. There’s nothing wrong with talking to a woman, but also be sure it’s an okay environment and you won’t make her feel unsafe. Do not try to flag a girl down, etc. Really just use common sense.
Girls love to be approached by guys they find attractive. If they don’t find the guy attractive, he could say the identical things as the attractive guy and get shot down as creepy, perv, eew, disgusting. But the attractive guy who said the identical words will be “handsome”, “romantic”, “polite” etc etc…
85% of women will move heaven and earth for the top 15% of guys who they find attractive. While the bottom 85% of all men might as well be completely invisible to the same 85%. We have to change this or the humans will all go extinct.
That depends on who the guy is. If the girls feel comfortable with it, it is considered fine, but if not, it will be annoying. For example, if the man approaches her in a good way, it will not be an issue only when the person shows a way that makes him uncomfortable, which causes the woman to feel annoyed.
I like being approached by men, but I can feel when they’re genuine or just wanna bang someone. We can tell. So it depends on your own intentions and also your confidence. If you’re genuine and you’re able to build your confidence then you’ll have zero problems. 🙂
Nope, stop being in denial. I'm pretty good at reading people and I can't. My girlfriend is better than me and she can't. Not without extensive information.
None of the thousands upon thousands I've intimately met, gosh, I had more women fuck me than probably the number of guys you kissed.
But that's irrelevant, your trick is an usual trick, you are trying to project that women have mystical power in order to project to men out there (unaware they have experience with other women and men) a slavish mentality.
All because you are terrified that men might treat you and see you the way you treat them and see them. Lol!
Woman, I have been worshiped, I had people believe I had mystical powers, you do not want that. (I had a girlfriend saw me with such cultish eyes that she said she wanted to clone me in order to eat me, in a weird sort of Eucharistic way. She was an awesome woman, but that was creepy as hell.)
You seem pretty desperate for some attention. It’s clear that the motivation behind your comments is to feel in control of the argument. I say this because you have absolutely no idea how many people I’ve met, and you want me to believe women adore you and fuck you (that’s most likely just a fantasy of yours, let’s be honest). Even if I’m younger than you, you don’t know how many people I’ve met. You keep making assumptions about me without even knowing me. And you also keep saying that women love you, even if that is completely irrelevant. Just you making yourself look worse.
But to clear your doubt, I didn’t say women have a “mystical power” over men. I said women tend to be able to pick up on the tiniest of hints and behavioral signals that men usually overlook or deem as unimportant, this is why it’s not difficult to read you. Women (NOT ALL) tend to better read subtle clues like this. A lot of men have this too. Again, not all of them. So calm down and take your meds before making even more assumptions about me, dude.
Also thank you for answering my other question. You just confirmed that you think you’re better at reading people than me, without even knowing me at all and without analyzing what I said correctly.
They have a very love/hate relationship with being approached. On one side, they like the attention, but it gets excessive, and there are a lot of guys who straight up do NOT get the message that the woman isn't interested.
Guys here's a good rule of thumb; there's a reason if she's making it difficult for you to have an actual discussion with her. You are either talking with her at the wrong time/place, or she's just not interested.
I have respect for men who approach a women as long as it is genuine. Do you genuine like her. I would like to be approached. It would give me confidence that I’m noticed by someone and attractive. It would make my day. So yes go for it
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Anonymous
(18-24)
+1 y
Yes but it really depends how you approach. If you're too bold it might seem intimidating. If you approach by asking simple questions first it feels a bit more casual. Get to know someone a bit and then offer to keep in contact after a while. It's tricky. If she's in a hurry she might not have the time to talk. But other than that just slowly approach. Come off as friendly but not pushy and desperate.
For me it's annoying when I'm approached when I'm grocery shopping, shopping for clothes, at a library, book store, restaurant, gym and coffee shop.
Where I prefer to be approached is more so at a social event like a festival, a sports bar, lounge, or winery, sporting events, church, or charity event
In my experience, it's more about how you approach them than the simple act of approaching them. Approach them respectfully with good intentions and they usually won't mind or perhaps will liked being approached. If they tell you they aren't interested, politely leave them alone. Sometimes a bit of respectful persistence is required, but don't make a nuisance of yourself. Good luck.
I'd say it's worth a shot. Worse they can say is no. Most likely they won't be annoyed. Plus, if they're just a random person you meet, chances are you might never see them again. You might regret not going for it.
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