Should I match my boyfriends energy? Fall back a bit?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend has told me i do too much. I do spoil him. Get him food. Buy US food. Give him $300 to help him get a car...(he paid me back) like I don't know I'm just a giver..

he's told me now after a year that he doesn't want me to get him ANYTHING csuse he can't afford to give anything back... I totally believe he can afford to spend stuff on me.. but now I'm starting to think he's cheating. He always says he has Bill's and rent.. but so do I and I still have money for the both of us.

[Dinklex3]

You think he's cheating just because he doesn't spend money on you and tells you not to spend on him?
People have different priorities. Your financial priorities apparently lay with gift giving. He could be saving, investing, or helping family. He already communicated with you he is not comfortable with that, so just respect his boundaries or break up.
And "real givers" don't expect anything back. You're doing exactly what he's worried about. You're giving, keeping receipts, and expecting things in return.

[Asker]

I'm really not trying to do what I'm doing... I don't know why I'm doing it or want/expect him to buy me things. I honestly feel like he's not all that into me

[kaylaS91]

I understand being a ‘giver’ in a relationship but.. the only thing you’ve mentioned giving is financial support.


Typically, being a giver in the context of a relationship means giving time/energy and putting it towards your partners happiness. You seem to be choosing to buy your partners happiness instead, which is a breeding ground for hostility and resentment so maybe hold back and make sure that you guys are on the same page before continuing to literally invest in him, yknow?

[Asker]

Omg.. I didn't see it. I support him and everything like I bring a lot to the table blah blah... he does support me too but not really financially. He can only buy groceries when he can he does pay rent but... recently he bout me a "gift" it was really for him

[kaylaS91]

Ok..
What do you guys bring to the relationship that isn’t to do with finances? Do you support each other in other ways like emotionally?

[Asker]

Absolutely

[Gingersnapz74]

He can be the type of man that just doesn't want you spending money on him. There are men out there who take it as an insult when women pay for their stuff.

Only you know him and your relationship. The only way you will know is if you talk to him.

[In_Trance]

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