Is My Boyfriend Putting in Enough Effort, or Should I Move On?

[Brooklynbabyyy]

I’ve been dating my boyfriend, for about four months, and I feel like I’m putting way more effort into the relationship than he is. I do small things to show I care, but I don’t get the same in return. He even forgot my birthday, while I spent a lot of time and money on his. He apologized and said he’ll try harder, but I feel like it’s been long enough that these things should come naturally by now.

My friends think I deserve better and would have dumped him already. They say I shouldn’t have to ask for basic things like effort and initiative. I’m torn because he says he’ll improve, but I don’t know if it’s worth waiting for.

I know he loves me, and we have a great time together, but I feel like the only thing he has to offer is his time. I offer my time and more so I expect the same.

Should I break up with him, or give it more time to see if things change?

[natured]

Listen up, from experience, WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT WILL REMAIN, people won't change for you, been there done that it never worked.
If he can't give you the bare minimum and not even crumbs, why do you have to waste your time?
I wasted 10 years of my life with a guy like that, and look at me now... no kids no marriage nothing because he never put in the effort...
I MEAN HEY now i'm dating somebody amazing don't get me wrong i'm HAPPY, but i did waste my time... and I hope you don't do the same you're young and beautiful... think about it though
Wish you the best of luck
N.

[Brooklynbabyyy]

I totally get what you mean, and I’m glad you found someone who values you. It’s not like I’m excepting for him to buy me flowers everyday or take me out somewhere nice, but issue is, he has never done anything like that. We spend time together and I bond very well with his family, but the only thing he has to offer me is his time. I offer my time and do small gestures to show him I love him, and also because we’re in a relationship, so I expect the same. That’s why I don’t know what to do.

[CuriousHubby]

Really agree with your friends! At 4 months he is that lazy! Imagine 6 months 1 year 5 years!

Time to move on from his red flags!

At 4 months most guys are still putting in a lot of effort to be your boyfriend. Not a lazy ass who will just get more lazy!

[Brooklynbabyyy]

I really agree, but I'm very hesitant because we love spending time with each other, I just feel like he doesn't try planning special things to do together so we can create new memories together. I usually just stay at his house and that's about it. I buy things for him, small things, but It's to show I care. I planned a dinner for $150 on his birthday, while he forgot mine. I excused it, but I still talked to him about it as it was very early in the relationship, maybe about 1 month.

[CuriousHubby]

I planned a dinner date for my wife and she planned a romantic sweet movie and dinner for Mine 6 months in.

He clearly is not going to try and plan anything or spend money on you.

It's great you like hanging out but don't think he will really get off his mom's couch for new memories.

Excuse it all you want till your sick of it and done. Love how you won't to won't tell you to break up.

Just know he is probably seeing you as easy.

It's fine go ahead rant away guessing he is not the most fun in the bedroom too

[Brooklynbabyyy]

Everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense. He’s not a horrible person, I believe it’s because he’s bad at it, I don’t think he knows how to be a good boyfriend. And yes, he’s not very fun in bed, I’ve not finished once.

[CuriousHubby]

So sorry and here is a hug. Not saying he is a bad person! Most bad dates or relationships are not bad people.

Like you said he either does not know or does not care if he is a good boyfriend.

Sorry he is so bad! Every time you go to bed... Well the girl needs to finish also! Make it a point my wife enjoys herself then I make sure that I do!

Love is putting the other first and clearly your in love but maybe he is not!

Has he asked you what will help you finish or just done what ever in bed?

[Brooklynbabyyy]

It does seem like he is in love with me, it seems genuine and he’s very willing to fix things if I’m upset with him about something, I honestly just don’t think he knows how. I don’t think that’s his love language, and I’m not excusing him or saying it’s okay. It’s seriously something he needs to work on, or else I’m gone.

I haven’t told him I haven’t come yet, it took some time before he asked me after sex, and I was scared so I answered fast and just said yes, though if he can’t make me finish, I’ll have to bring it up sometime soon.

[CuriousHubby]

Well then go and it's not up to you correcting him. Your his girlfriend not his fixer! Hope he gets better for you! Your giving so much and deserve so much back!

Great bring it up soon cause you need to enjoy it also! Has he taken time to try? Sorry it was so hard to say no.

Well bring it up maybe he might take some time to help you finish! Any thing youw ant him to do for you? To help you finish?

[Brooklynbabyyy]

We both lost our virginity to each other, so I’m not expecting him to be the best. I just want him to take time to please me too. Sometimes I feel like he thinks more about him enjoying it, and I feel like he assumes I enjoy it too. I’m giving him one last chance.

[CuriousHubby]

Aw that is sweet!
Go for it one last chance he has to make time for you to! Cause you won't just finish with him taking pleasure for himself 😞.
Hopefully when he is done and ignored you asking for something special will make him take the time to give you at least oral or use your toy for you

[Billlewis]

I think you should either give him an ultimatum, and tell him he needs to work harder, or dump him. You're much too attractive not to be treated the way you deserve to be.

[Brooklynbabyyy]

I don’t want to threaten him or pressure him. It’s not like I’m expecting flowers everyday and for him to take me out, but the issue is that he has never done that.

[Brooklynbabyyy]

It feels more like a friends with benefits to me.

[Billlewis]

I understand. I just started following you and I'd like to invite you to follow or message me, as well if that's alright. Thank you very much.

[Brooklynbabyyy]

Yes that works

[Finchie40]

Move on!!! I just read your other post , you only been dating this guy 4 months , he is playing you like a fool

[ChicoFromThe305]

The choice is up to you and the amount of time you think is worth using for this situation, although in general if you don't feel loved then the reason to stay isn't really there.

[martian13]

If he loved you there wouldn't be a need to ask him for more effort babe... Toss him to the curb maybe his next girl will get some effort but I doubt she will either.

[Brooklynbabyyy]

He’s told me he’s not good with taking initiative and has been told so before. We’re both young so I feel like I can’t expect a lot from him. We spend a lot of time together and we have a great time, but it feels more like friends with benefits, because when we bond together it’s nothing romantic, just hanging out outside or being at his/my place.

[martian13]

Being young has nothing to do with what you can or can't have for expectations. He would make it a priority if he cared there's another guy out there that would do better than he is doing without having to be asked to do so. If you are ok with how he is now stay if not then go he's not going to change until it's too late.

[nawtee_me]

I would think you deserve better too. If his heart is not in it then you are not in his heart. Move on now and find the right guy that puts you first….

[Bklynbadboy12]

Forget what your friends think what do you think. Are you from Brooklyn NY

[Brooklynbabyyy]

I’ll give him one last chance and if I don’t see change then I’ll dump him. And yes I’m from Brooklyn ny

[Bklynbadboy12]

Im from Brooklyn too and that sounds like a good idea

[angelwingsss]

Writing from my other account! And update! We broke up after 1,5 years. He got petty and blamed me😐

[noohair]

You can't change other people. He is who he is.

[Brooklynbabyyy]

and that’s why I’m starting to get fed up. He’s aware of how he isn’t good at these things, though I’m his first serious relationship, and we’re just 16. Does that change the situation?

[slatyb]

No effort. Dump.