Acting cold as a “punishment”?

[Anonymous]

I did that because I felt left out in the weekend and he knows how much I hate that. I know that he doesn’t mean to, and he probably has things to do. But I was mad at the time and wanted to make him feel the way I felt , so I ignored him for two days and didn’t respond. I was kinda hoping he’s run after me. Now I feel bad as fuck and I really wanna telling him how much I miss him, but I don’t know how to explain my behavior and my ego is in the way. Also I’m scared of his reaction if he was mad at me. What should I do. Should I wait for him to contact me or should I text him?

Updates

+1 y

Thank you this is very helpful 💕

[SteveSmith1985]

You need to text him. Acting cold as punishment is some grade-school bullshit that has no place in your adult relationship.

Now, it sounds like you are actually doing a pretty good job at getting your ego out of the way. You would not have been able to step back from "being right" in the decision you made to write this. You wouldn't even be able to feel guilty and conflicted about it if your ego were not somewhat 'getting out of the way'.

So, what you should do is. Get the ego out of this entirely. Once you do... you can see what it makes sense to do. Which is:

Be totally, perfectly honest about all of this. How you were feeling, what you were thinking when you ignored him. Why you did. How your feelings changed about whether that was the right thing to do (and why the change). How you feel about it now. What you're worried about in how he might react.

You did a very good job of being honest about much of that in this post.

That is the way to clear the air. That's the way to make sure that you BOTH know where the other one is coming from. It's very difficult to be mad at someone who takes the initiative to say "look, I was wrong, I shouldn't have done that, I'm sorry".

What you ARE likely to get though, is a pretty open and honest account of HOW HE was thinking and feeling (on his end) throughout this whole thing. At the end, you each have a perspective on what exactly went sideways. You also have a healthier precedent (talking about shit) than acting cold as punishment going forward. Plus, it totally clears the air. He is not happy about this. He will fell a hell of a lot better if he gets to explain to you why exactly. Then, you guys ACTUALLY can move forward with no lingering bullshit from this incident. 🙂

[Asker]

Thank you that makes sense 🙏🏻

[SteveSmith1985]

You're quite welcome. I hope things work out for you. 🙂

[DaveJord]

Its called passive aggression and guys hate it. It's a major relationship killer... but its not an excuse for guys to be jerks. But women resort to it when they feel neglected or attention starved... hell guys do to and it usually back fires

In the end he's not contacting you, so either swallow your pride and apologize... or wait him out.

If he's not contacting after two days its not a good sign. Relationship probably not in a good place... might want to rethink this.

[Anonymous]

If he knew that you hate it so much and still did it.
I would advice you to believe in the bad! Believe in the bad actions of a guy instead of sugar coating everything. I think you are a bit emotionally drained and that’s why u acted like this, which is understandable.
Also to make yourself a bit better: get a role model in ur head about how u want a person to treat u and follow through that list and have high standards. Compare it to the guy u are talking right now and see if you’re dream guy has the same qualities as the guy you’re talking to right now. There is also a psychological trick that will help you get less emotional: assume for the worst but hope for the best. He is not the last person ur gonna feel a connection with , people are wired to feel a connection. You can meetSomeone who is also amazing or even more amazing than him, because we all are unique on our own wayMy advice to you is let him reach out to you first

[Asker]

Thank you this is very helpful 💜

[Loveydove]

Okay that is extremely immature and childish. This is not a movie. He is not gonna chase you when you put right ignore him. You need to contact him and apologize and then figure out a way to move forward that doesn’t involve stunts.

[Asker]

Okay 😞

[Loveydove]

Sorry it’s tough love. It will make your relationship stronger. Have open communication and be honest.

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

I may not have been in any relationship, but communication is a must, anywhere.

Just ignore that awkwardness and you are good to go to talk about the problem.

I have seen my friend's relationship break just because of this. Made a mental note after that to always be communicating if I get any girlfriend.

[spartan55]

Since we all know there is no way you will apologize I'd say it's game over.

[Asker]

So you’re saying I should apologize

[spartan55]

Uh, yeah, absolutely. Do you feel like you should apologize?