I have two questions: 1. Do you think this is appropriate as punishment, requiring him to stay in just his underwear? Why or why not?
2. If you think it was appropriate, do you think it would be appropriate if my brother and sister were reversed...in others words would this be an appropriate punishment for a girl if the situation warranted it? Why or why not?
Most Helpful Opinions
I understand your parents were just doing what they thought was best but I personally don't think that was the best approach. I wouldn't of done that but who am I to say that's "right" or "wrong", you know what I mean? Its also hard to say because every child is a different individual and they all respond to certain types of discipline differently.
Add to it the ages of your brother and sister, though they still are impressionable, they already have learned behaviors and such so a different approach might not affect them as greatly as if they had that type of discipline their whole life.
I would let him sit somewhere alone (obviously with nothing to do, its a time out) to calm down if he's worked up and to reflect on what has happened. Then I would calmly communicated with him. I would ask him what he is feeling and thinking and his reasons for behaving that way. Then I would try to get him to understand how his actions/words affect someone else and explain to him why its not okay.
I believe in instilling calm and open communication early on and that's what I will do when I have children. It teaches them to use their words in a rational way and have a clear understanding of why something was wrong. Not just a, "don't do it because I told you so".
Anyway to answer your second question it would absolutely not be appropriate if it was done to your sister. To me it wasn't right either way but it would be worse to do that to a girl who is starting to develop physically and emotionally. At her age I think its such a sensitive time and to shame and humiliate her like that would cause some problems down the road.
Thanks for your opinion. So in your personal opinion since talking to him about it in the past didn't help, something like this type of punishment would be appropriate for a boy?...since I will admit it has seemed to help with my brother. However this type of punishment wouldn't be appropraite for a girl, correct? Just trying to understand your thoughts. I do agree with you that girls do need more privacy then boys, especially around this age.
Well I don't know what your parents have and have not done for you brother or what would work for him because I don't know him. All I'm saying, because its all I know for sure, is what I would do and how I would handle things. I still believe properly communicating things is the best way to handle any situation, not just with parents and their children and its never to late to start doing that. I personally don't find that punishment appropriate for a boy or girl.
Also its not so much about privacy, but how we grow up at that age. Its a really sensitive age and I think humiliating them like that could cause more damage than helping. They might take that humiliation more than was intended and have self esteem issues, have anger issues, want to humiliate others because of their anger, etc... so I just don't think its a good idea. But again I don't know any of you so I can't say what is right or wrong.
Thanks. Yeah they've tried other things, including disussing it with him before, but it never really worked. I think this has helped though. I know you said you felt it's not appropriate, but as a 'last resort' or if other methods didn't work, would you then say it's okay or appropriate? Or you still feel it should never be done?
I personally wouldn't ever do it, I feel there are other ways of handling it. I think your parents should take the initiative as parents, to research healthy ways to parent children. This is just one example with a lot of good information. link In short its important to examine their own behaviors
and seek out other possible options and find out the reasons he his behaving the way he is.
Alright. Thanks for your opinion and sharing the link. Just one last question, If needed again, I assume you would say this type of punishment should not be done to my brother again...or if it's effective would it be okay again if needed since it's already been done? And also, since this was already done to my brother, if the need occurs would you feel it should be done to my sister out of fairness or no?
I'm sorry, don't mean to be rude, but you must not be understanding what I've been saying. No, I don't think its right and I think there are other alternatives. No it should not be done to your brother or your sister. But your parents will do what they want to do as they have done all these years. Good luck with this and I truly hope it works out.
No I understand what you were saying, I was just trying to say since it's already happened, would it be okay again and obviously you feel it would not be. Thank you for taking the time to reply.
No I don't feel it would be okay to continue because its probably harming him emotionally more than constructively teaching him how to treat other people. No problem again I hope it works out.