Is it really bad to put some conditions on accepting a proposal?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend proposed to me the other day, and the ring was beautiful, and I said two him I have two conditions for accepting, which I think were reasonable:

1. He has to give up all his passwords - two years together and the most I have is his phone pin and I need him to prove his trustworthiness

2. He has to re-propose in front of my friends, as I want them all to witness this

I told him this as he was down on one knee, and he just stared at me for like 20 seconds without speaking, then got up, got in his car and left.

I didn't hear form him for two days, and so I finally texted him and he said that he can't believe I would put conditions on a marriage proposal, especially such childish ones, and right now, he doesn't even want to be with me.

Did I really do anything wrong? I feel like those were minor, insignificant things and if he really loved and wanted to marry me, he would have said yes to both things.

[Anonymous]

#1 Did he give you a reason NOT to trust him? If so, I feel like this should have been a conversation you had a while back, maybe the one year mark, not at the moment of proposal because if he is an honest good guy who's never given you any reason to doubt him, you've just said, "I basically don't want to marry you because I don't trust you."

#2 Proposals tend to happen one time. They are for the two who will eventually get married. If everyone happens to be there or it was a planned thing with everyone there, that's icing on the cake, but telling him he has to re-do the proposal just so I guess you can make a spectacle out of it, kind of ruins the intention. Trust me, you can tell your friends of your happy news and they will be just as happy for you.

[Anonymous]

I think it felt insulting to him. he bought you a ring and got down on one knee so excited, and you basically said, “well this is not what i wanted but here’s what i want, then i will say yes”


you'll need to understand from his perspective, he loves you enough to propose to you, but it seemed like you didn’t appreciate his efforts by putting in these conditions.


i understand wanting to trust and make sure he’s loyal… but again, it’s insulting.


for him to propose in front of family, that’s understandable on your part, but it won’t be the same. he planned a special time and place to propose to you and that was genuine, doing it again won’t be the same.


he has every right to be angry with this.
to be fair, you didn’t put unreasonable demands, but to him, it was soul crushing…

[DonkeyDan]

Yes, so you don't see anything wrong with not trusting him, and being so vain that he has to do it again just so you can show off to your friends?
Also that wasn't the time to be negotiating conditions, women complain that men aren't romantic, and then you go and ruin a romantic moment like that. I'm not surprised he walked off.

[OlderAndWiser]

1. The first condition suggests that you don't trust him. Is that correct?

2. The second condition is very selfish and childish. A proposal should be a private moment between a man and a woman, not a show that you orchestrate to impress your friends.

[all_hayl]

My thoughts (almost) exactly. The proposal can be done whenever. But to INSIST on him redoing in front of people does seem selfish and childish. Are you marrying him, or do you just want a cool proposal? Sounds like the latter. And yes, although sharing passwords is fine (esp once married), you sound like you already distrust him.

OP, I’m gonna say something that you’re not gonna like. Based on your post, you don’t sound like you’re ready for marriage.

[Danny_dan92]

Uhhh… why the actual fuck do your friends have to see it? You sound like such a fake friend. Cause seems like you just wanna rub it into your friends that you’re getting married when in reality clearly your relationship lacks the trust cause you feel the need to have access to his phone at all times

[Robert123456789]

Yes it was wrong. A relationship needs boundaries and requiring passwords is control. Will you secretly check his computer and phone every week? You need trust. Unless he has cheated or done something awful a strong marriage needs respect and boundaries and not control and domination.

[spartan55]

Hahaha, good for him. If he would have agreed to your 'conditions' he might as well of handed his balls over. The fact that you don't understand why what you did shows a complete lack of self awareness and a warped sense of entitlement.

[slatyb]

You are too young to be getting married. You barely know each other. If you did, this wouldn’t be a surprise.

Your demands are completely unrealistic. If you said that to me I would have returned the ring and told you it was over.

[God_of_Thunder]

He propsed to you, and you basically told him you don't trust him, and want him to have no privacy in your marriage.

If it were me, I would leave you.

[Lorewolf447]

I have one word that fits this situation and you perfectly:

Narcissist

Nothing more need be said. Goodnight everyone!

[all_hayl]

I'm not saying you're in the wrong (at least with #1), but if you gave me those ultimatums I world return the ring and move on.

[Anonymous]

i would of done the exact same thing he did. you have NO right to his passwords NONE just like he as no right to yours either. As for proposing in front of your friends it sounds like you just wanted to do it for bragging rights which he would be totally against and for rightful reasons

[Opinion Owner]

you were doing #2 for your own ego boosts and to brag in front of your friends. not only is that completely immature but childish as well

[dustybiker]

I’m on his side. Trust and communication. Not passwords and witnesses.

[LegendaryIcon]

yeah, it is

you shouldn't have that sort of thing. you should be glad to be with him, regardless

[ikEVERYTHING]

Not bad at all. Just don't be insane, but I like the one about proposing in front of friends. You should make it with family too.

[spartan55]

Dude you are out of your mind.

[ikEVERYTHING]

Haha no, just adds assurance that he's legit

[Wiredone]

I say good for him. I would return the ring and start dating again.

[mark000h]

Looks like he dodged a bullet.

[alleon]

Those conditions aren’t cool.

[AmeerX]

I think he did it right 👍

[Anonymous]

I hope he's done with you. He deserves better.

[Anonymous]

He now realized that u are crazy