How do I motivate my girlfriend to study and work hard for our better future?

Question

She's way too distracted person. Always scrolling social media and being online on WhatsApp. I love her but still cannot see a responsible future with her. How can I motivate her to work more and better herself.
Simply criticising and reminding her daily to focus obviously isn't working and probably irritating for her too.

AmandaYVR · Accepted Answer

Wow so many people saying just give up and she's not right for you. I disagree. People give up on other way too easily.
How can you motivate her? Well she's not an animal that you can click-train or offer food rewards. Is she a good girlfriend in other ways? Does she treat you really well? Is she lazy in general, relying on you too much, like with domestic stuff too?
Really the only thing to do here is tell her how important this is to you. It'd be an awkward or difficult conversation, but it would be fair and right of you to tell her this actually is such a concern, you don't know if you can see a future with her. She probably needs to have that fire under her ass to take this seriously.
In her defence, addiction to the internet and social media is very common now, but at your ages especially, it's time to work, learn, use all that energy you have, and not waste it. She is wasting it. Her mind, honestly, may be mush, filled with completely inconsequential fluff and pop culture stuff which is of zero bearing on one's future. But you can't say that in that way at all. You have to grow as a person, yourself, too, by finding the gentler words to express this, and how you feel, without it being nagging or unfairly critical. But she might need some tough love here. Or call it a wake-up call. If you were to break up with her without being clear and forthright about why, you would be doing her a disservice. She needs to know. And if she gets very angry and never comes to see that it was reasonable, then at that point (but not before) she is probably not the one to plan a future with.
Actually, now that I think about, look up some articles and techniques for tackling internet addiction. Use the tech to track and curb the excessive activity. I mean, don't spy on her, but talk with her about them, and how they seem like a great idea. Find some blogs or something where a person talks about their tech detox and how much better their life is now.

ShadesOfAWoman · Accepted Answer

If you are feeling that you cannot see a future with her due to the fact that she is not working towards her goals, then you should talk to her, speak from the heart and let her know that you want to grow together. If she isn’t open to growing, then maybe it’s a sign that you should reevaluate your relationship and determine if this is a trait you can overlook or if it’s a deal breaker. If it’s an issue now, then it might be an issue long term. You can’t make someone do something that they don’t want to do. They have to have the drive in themselves to want to do better first.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You're trying to create a negative habit (don't waste time online or on the phone/WhatsApp, etc.). That can be pretty tough to do unless you replace it with a positive habit--something she should be doing instead. So you need to start loading her up with other things to do.

I recommend you start by getting her to meditate every day and exercise every day. Focus on those things before you move on to others. Incidentally those habits will have HUGE benefits for her and they'll also be good for you because she'll be more emotionally stable and hotter!

madgoat · Accepted Answer

You can try to encourage her with a lot of love, positive belief and encouragement.
But there comes a point where it becomes unfair to expect more from someone than they are comfortable in giving.
And if she even dreams you're doing it because you are not satisfied with her, a negative reaction will ensue.
So they may get the idea. Or they may get the idea later in life. Or they may just not be the type of person that you need them to be in that respect. If so, you either accept that. Or you don't.

hi_it_is_me123 · Answer

It is difficult for me to study too. I am kinda scared of studying. Whenever i try studying i start daydreaming or scroll through social media to overcome stress. I actually often daydream but when it comes to studying it gets worse.
People who procrastinate are usually afraid of failing an exam for example which make them avoid studying since it reminds them of their failures. I dont know it is like having a little anxiety whenever you try study. At least this is my problem at least.
Maybe she has a similar problem.

ViolettatheViolin · Answer

First of all, sympathize with her, maybe she's having a hard time with her personal life.

Compatible or not, if you really care, you would make sure passions, ideas, etc. unfold in both of each others pace.

Relationships are hard enough on their own. Two must meet entirely to make an effort. I suppose you shouldn't put a timeline on it.

Let them decide if they want to make things work as well. She could be thinking about letting you leave or herself. Just ask her, don't be afraid. In any case, communication, communication!

somesoul · Answer

She seem love sick. Give her cold treatment and if possible be " on a break" - reason being " she is not ambitious by focusing on her career" and stick to her when she is at her lowest. Don't leave her if she makes efforts.

Leave her if she don't make efforts.

But Bdw love is effortless. You can find a job for her if you want to. My boyfriend asked me once if I need a job and I denied coz I later on got a job on my own.

Or

Marry her and then Spoil her love her fuck her make her your whore with anytime oral sex , brutal face fuck, etc hehe

Phoenix98 · Answer

Instead of criticizing her try encouraging her.

Sometimes what people need is not a stern hand but a guiding one.

But I do get where you are coming from I was raised with the hardwork attitude as well.

If a positive change can't be made or no compromises can be come up with then you may have to consider leaving her.

But I have to also ask have you actually sat down and had a conversation like this with her? And told her what you've told us?

horatiohornblower · Answer

She is who she is. It's never a good idea to try to change someone. You might be able to force it but they will never be happy and eventually resent you. Making both of you miserable. Accept her behavior or break up and find someone who's a better match.

nice-girl · Answer

If this is your priority, why are you with a person who lacks ambition? Was she always like this or did she change at some point? Maybe start by asking her about what are her priorities, maybe she will will not answer ‘career’, and try to see her point of view first then from there try to explain how what you think about her lack of ambition relates to her priorities. I mean, convince her by first understanding her point of view.

BarryLiverstone · Answer

Is she setting and meeting goals? She should be able to take on responsibility and do things on her own. If that’s being done then her down time can be spent doing that

HellGeist · Answer

It's not worth it trying to change someone. Just focus on your life and I'm sure a better woman will come around soon at some point.

Especially at your age, women come and go. I wouldn't put too much stock or take a woman too seriously unless she's serious about you and her life and her future with you.

You'll know if she's serious about you or not if her words and actions line up positively.

LikeALog · Answer

A friend married a girl similar to what you related. She just watched tv, played on her phone. She did no housekeeping and never cooked anything, just microwaved stuff. That marriage was annulled in two weeks.

Starla1234 · Answer

You shouldn’t try to change her, she will work if she wants to, and if she doesn’t, that’s just who she is I guess

Flower7 · Answer

If you’re trying to change her, she isn’t the right person for you. The two of you just aren’t compatible in that area. Annoying her by nagging isn’t helping either one of you.

shaysh87 · Answer

i think you should mind your own business. you're not her husband, you're her boyfriend.

Neosporin · Answer

I don't think there's much you can do she has to want it herself. If it's not working for you it's a big big problem down the road.

lovedejj_xo · Answer

I never needed anyone let alone a man to motivate me to work and study hard it was in my nature. If you don’t see a future with her leave! Sounds like you’re too mature for her anyways.

spartan55 · Answer

Okay Dad, sounds like you need a girlfriend who shares your attention to eh detail.

TacosRAwesome · Answer

Does she want to study or would it be better for her to get a job and work her way up? Like not everyone is the same type of ambitious.

Jcrummy98 · Answer

Tell her that life ain't easy and social media cannot be the helpful when it comes to pay bills. Some people are ignorance and they are into social media and forgetting their responsibility.

ikEVERYTHING · Answer

Focus on yourself more when it comes to careers, however perhaps simply a talk of how you feel should do it.

MJtheCoach · Answer

Because girls are married to their phones and now especially the married to Tiktok!  That’s why I avoid relationships!

bamesjond0069 · Answer

she's a girl. They mostly can't do what you're expecting.

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