How do I motivate my girlfriend to study and work hard for our better future?

[ad_237]

She's way too distracted person. Always scrolling social media and being online on WhatsApp. I love her but still cannot see a responsible future with her. How can I motivate her to work more and better herself.
Simply criticising and reminding her daily to focus obviously isn't working and probably irritating for her too.

Updates

+1 y

Guys... My girlfriend fought it all out and has bagged her first job. Woohoo. I'm so proud.

[AmandaYVR]

Wow so many people saying just give up and she's not right for you. I disagree. People give up on other way too easily.
How can you motivate her? Well she's not an animal that you can click-train or offer food rewards. Is she a good girlfriend in other ways? Does she treat you really well? Is she lazy in general, relying on you too much, like with domestic stuff too?
Really the only thing to do here is tell her how important this is to you. It'd be an awkward or difficult conversation, but it would be fair and right of you to tell her this actually is such a concern, you don't know if you can see a future with her. She probably needs to have that fire under her ass to take this seriously.
In her defence, addiction to the internet and social media is very common now, but at your ages especially, it's time to work, learn, use all that energy you have, and not waste it. She is wasting it. Her mind, honestly, may be mush, filled with completely inconsequential fluff and pop culture stuff which is of zero bearing on one's future. But you can't say that in that way at all. You have to grow as a person, yourself, too, by finding the gentler words to express this, and how you feel, without it being nagging or unfairly critical. But she might need some tough love here. Or call it a wake-up call. If you were to break up with her without being clear and forthright about why, you would be doing her a disservice. She needs to know. And if she gets very angry and never comes to see that it was reasonable, then at that point (but not before) she is probably not the one to plan a future with.
Actually, now that I think about, look up some articles and techniques for tackling internet addiction. Use the tech to track and curb the excessive activity. I mean, don't spy on her, but talk with her about them, and how they seem like a great idea. Find some blogs or something where a person talks about their tech detox and how much better their life is now.

[ad_237]

Thanks for your answer Amanda. It is a very helpful and a well thought out recommendation. Really motivating approach.

[AmandaYVR]

You're very welcome. 💐 Good luck to you.

[nolabels]

@AmandaYVR

It was nice of you to take the time to consider this question and respond as you did.
Very thoughtful and positive.

[AmandaYVR]

@nolabels Thank you.

[AmandaYVR]

Yay, congratulations to you both!
That's a wonderful way to begin a new year.

[ad_237]

Thank you and same to you for the wishes. Thanks again for your encouraging answer. Helped me immensely to look at relationship challenges from a constructive perspective.

[ShadesOfAWoman]

If you are feeling that you cannot see a future with her due to the fact that she is not working towards her goals, then you should talk to her, speak from the heart and let her know that you want to grow together. If she isn’t open to growing, then maybe it’s a sign that you should reevaluate your relationship and determine if this is a trait you can overlook or if it’s a deal breaker. If it’s an issue now, then it might be an issue long term. You can’t make someone do something that they don’t want to do. They have to have the drive in themselves to want to do better first.

[Anonymous]

You're trying to create a negative habit (don't waste time online or on the phone/WhatsApp, etc.). That can be pretty tough to do unless you replace it with a positive habit--something she should be doing instead. So you need to start loading her up with other things to do.

I recommend you start by getting her to meditate every day and exercise every day. Focus on those things before you move on to others. Incidentally those habits will have HUGE benefits for her and they'll also be good for you because she'll be more emotionally stable and hotter!

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks for most helpful. How's it going with her?

[Opinion Owner]

Congrats dude!

[ad_237]

Thank you :)

[madgoat]

You can try to encourage her with a lot of love, positive belief and encouragement.
But there comes a point where it becomes unfair to expect more from someone than they are comfortable in giving.
And if she even dreams you're doing it because you are not satisfied with her, a negative reaction will ensue.
So they may get the idea. Or they may get the idea later in life. Or they may just not be the type of person that you need them to be in that respect. If so, you either accept that. Or you don't.

[hi_it_is_me123]

It is difficult for me to study too. I am kinda scared of studying. Whenever i try studying i start daydreaming or scroll through social media to overcome stress. I actually often daydream but when it comes to studying it gets worse.
People who procrastinate are usually afraid of failing an exam for example which make them avoid studying since it reminds them of their failures. I dont know it is like having a little anxiety whenever you try study. At least this is my problem at least.
Maybe she has a similar problem.

[ViolettatheViolin]

First of all, sympathize with her, maybe she's having a hard time with her personal life.


Compatible or not, if you really care, you would make sure passions, ideas, etc. unfold in both of each others pace.


Relationships are hard enough on their own. Two must meet entirely to make an effort. I suppose you shouldn't put a timeline on it.


Let them decide if they want to make things work as well. She could be thinking about letting you leave or herself. Just ask her, don't be afraid. In any case, communication, communication!

[somesoul]

She seem love sick. Give her cold treatment and if possible be " on a break" - reason being " she is not ambitious by focusing on her career" and stick to her when she is at her lowest. Don't leave her if she makes efforts.

Leave her if she don't make efforts.

But Bdw love is effortless. You can find a job for her if you want to. My boyfriend asked me once if I need a job and I denied coz I later on got a job on my own.

Or

Marry her and then Spoil her love her fuck her make her your whore with anytime oral sex , brutal face fuck, etc hehe

[Phoenix98]

Instead of criticizing her try encouraging her.

Sometimes what people need is not a stern hand but a guiding one.

But I do get where you are coming from I was raised with the hardwork attitude as well.

If a positive change can't be made or no compromises can be come up with then you may have to consider leaving her.

But I have to also ask have you actually sat down and had a conversation like this with her? And told her what you've told us?

[horatiohornblower]

She is who she is. It's never a good idea to try to change someone. You might be able to force it but they will never be happy and eventually resent you. Making both of you miserable. Accept her behavior or break up and find someone who's a better match.

[nice-girl]

If this is your priority, why are you with a person who lacks ambition? Was she always like this or did she change at some point? Maybe start by asking her about what are her priorities, maybe she will will not answer ‘career’, and try to see her point of view first then from there try to explain how what you think about her lack of ambition relates to her priorities. I mean, convince her by first understanding her point of view.

[BarryLiverstone]

Is she setting and meeting goals? She should be able to take on responsibility and do things on her own. If that’s being done then her down time can be spent doing that

[ad_237]

Nope. No job (just graduated). Not setting any goals. No plans. No responsibility. Very casual. I think she needs a setback in her life to understand the importance of hard-word. But I'm too scared for that setback. I wish I could inspire her somehow and avoid the future setback I can foresee.

[BarryLiverstone]

Yikes. Is she also 25? And how can she afford rent with no job? Has she said what her career will be? Set back vs challenge I see your point but it may be a longer term challenge if she’s not working at all

[ad_237]

Yep 25. Her sister is paying for her. She knows about her options based on her education but no particular inclination to any fields. However, I feel that she lacks depth even in her field of study because she spent most of the year just partying and smoking which I totally hated.

Could you elaborate on the long-term challenge? Is it for her? or for our relationship?

[BarryLiverstone]

First off I’m surprised she graduated at 25. I was 20 when I finished college so why so late for her?

I meant challenge for her personal growth. Like her sister stops paying rent and that means she must get a job or help somewhere. I mean I partied in college also but had to start my career to pay the bills. You think her sister would cut her off?

[ad_237]

Yeah we completed our undergrad at 22, she worked for 1 year and took 1 year off due to corona. Lived with her parents then. Now she completed her 1-year masters. So 25.

Her sister can cut her off, but I'm guessing there's still time for that to happen. Yeah she knows she needs to get a job but she doesn't know her shit. She's been rejected by tens of companies because her statements probably confuse the employer more than making sense. I try to explain and help her to get more structured but now that it has been too much, she probably has turned a deaf ear to my suggestions.
Then the anxiety comes and more social media to drop the anxiety. It's a vicious cycle and I can't her going through that.

[BarryLiverstone]

Gotcha. So if her sister cuts her off she will move back in with her parents. Seems like she may need to find a job outside of her career just to pay some bills and could decide not to keep going in the same direction career wise. Regarding the anxiety that’s a common thing these days and maybe she needs to see a counselor to help. I agree that you can’t be nagging her everyday and wonder what the five year plan is for your relationship. I’m sure you are considering if she is wife material and whether you would be able to support someone who isn’t pushing themselves to be a better person

[ad_237]

Yes buddy. She is a wife material in all the non-career aspects. Her behaviour, communication, ethics, understanding of the other person's situation and such stuffs are really good which are the core things I seek in a partner.
It's just the career aspects that need to be worked upon.

[BarryLiverstone]

Good to hear. Then it’s on you to step up and lead a financial conversation for 2022. Figure out some goals you have as a couple then talk about how each of you will work to complete them. Then you can hold each other accountable. As you said she’s good at behavior and ethics so should be mature enough to partner with you financially.

[ad_237]

Thanks for the suggestion man. Let me try to talk it out to her. It was really good talking to you. Much appreciated.

[BarryLiverstone]

You are welcome, good luck and happy Thanksgiving

[exitseven]

I know you think she is perfect EXCEPT for the fact she is lazy, lacks ambition, likes to party, has no sense of responsibility. Think about what you really have in common and imagine spending your life cleaning up after her.

[HellGeist]

It's not worth it trying to change someone. Just focus on your life and I'm sure a better woman will come around soon at some point.

Especially at your age, women come and go. I wouldn't put too much stock or take a woman too seriously unless she's serious about you and her life and her future with you.

You'll know if she's serious about you or not if her words and actions line up positively.

[LikeALog]

A friend married a girl similar to what you related. She just watched tv, played on her phone. She did no housekeeping and never cooked anything, just microwaved stuff. That marriage was annulled in two weeks.

[Starla1234]

You shouldn’t try to change her, she will work if she wants to, and if she doesn’t, that’s just who she is I guess

[Starla1234]

lol wtf do you mean?

[Starla1234]

Are u ok?

[Johnsmith119]

Lmao

[Flower7]

If you’re trying to change her, she isn’t the right person for you. The two of you just aren’t compatible in that area. Annoying her by nagging isn’t helping either one of you.

[shaysh87]

i think you should mind your own business. you're not her husband, you're her boyfriend.

[shaysh87]

@Çaysevmiyormuşgötüm

i think you just have too much time on your hands. You haven't showed forever commitment to this girl and yet you are thinking about how her education can benefit you in the future?

[Neosporin]

I don't think there's much you can do she has to want it herself. If it's not working for you it's a big big problem down the road.

[Neosporin]

wow good for u

[Neosporin]

her*

[ad_237]

Thank you:))

[lovedejj_xo]

I never needed anyone let alone a man to motivate me to work and study hard it was in my nature. If you don’t see a future with her leave! Sounds like you’re too mature for her anyways.

[spartan55]

Okay Dad, sounds like you need a girlfriend who shares your attention to eh detail.

[TacosRAwesome]

Does she want to study or would it be better for her to get a job and work her way up? Like not everyone is the same type of ambitious.

[Jcrummy98]

Tell her that life ain't easy and social media cannot be the helpful when it comes to pay bills. Some people are ignorance and they are into social media and forgetting their responsibility.

[ikEVERYTHING]

Focus on yourself more when it comes to careers, however perhaps simply a talk of how you feel should do it.

[MJtheCoach]

Because girls are married to their phones and now especially the married to Tiktok!


That’s why I avoid relationships!

[bamesjond0069]

she's a girl. They mostly can't do what you're expecting.

[whosnumber1]

the only way is to show her the end game. otherwise you will just have to accept her flaw

[Anonymous]

Maybe she doesn't want to study.
Have you asked her if she even wants to go back to school?

[Anonymous]

TELL HER THAT YOU WILL GIVE HER A PRESENT IF SHE STUDY AND THEN SHE WILL STUDY.

[Tabasco25]

Study her upbringing?

[Zygum]

By love and soft but impressive tone

[BCRanger10]

What motivates her?

[BCRanger10]

@update that's great news

[Anonymous]

Tell her you're going to replace her.

[Opinion Owner]

Does this mean you're not going to replace her?

[ad_237]

No way. I never had this thought in the first place itself

[Opinion Owner]

I was joking.