How do I know if I’m wasting my time with my boyfriend?

[hunspoonrrr]

We have been together for almost 2 years. We were seeing each other for close to a year before that.
Without including too many irrelevant details and to keep this short
- he never has sex with me. I try and he just says ‘I’m sorry babe’. I beat myself so much up about this and he knows it kills me but nothing changes
- for a couple who have been together for close to 3 years I would think it normal to lightly discuss marriage, kids etc. whenever I say ‘if we get married’ or ‘our kids’ there is no conversation. Just silence.
- I broke up with him for a brief period and told him all of my doubts, that it killed me he doesn’t have sex with me and that he doesn’t treat me how he should. He told me he would change and nothing changed.
can someone give me clarity. I want to reassure as a person he is so great, looks after me, does care about me but the things I need in a relationship are lacking but at the same time I don’t want to spend my life with anyone else.
I would love some clarity or some advice going forward?

[Daniela1982]

He must be gay or maybe has someone on the side where he gets his sex from. I've never known too many guys to turn down sex with a girl, especially after 2 years. So why are you wasting time on this guy when there are probably much better guys out there that are looking for the same thing as you?

[Anonymous]

Ask him straight up does he ever see himself getting married to you and having kids with you, sometimes it’s best just to not ask advice but rather go straight to the person themselves and ask them the hard questions. Based of what you have written it doesn’t sound like you are wasting your life away being with him however you need to sit down with him and talk to him

[hunspoonrrr]

I don’t care if he does see marriage or kids or not, we are in early 20’s and I don’t expect commitment but the fact he won’t even acknowledge or say it as a potential is what is a red flag for me. But I don’t know if that’s just me being crazy or if it’s a fair reaction

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry that was meant to be it sounds like you are wasting your life away being with him

I think you need to end this relationship I can tell by your responses that you aren’t happy sure he might be good in some aspects in the relationship but deep down I can tell you aren’t happy this guy already told you he was going to change and he hasn’t made any changes at all end it and don’t look back don’t even fall for the whole I will change crap stand your ground and tell him you said you were going to change before when I broke up with you and you haven’t make it known you just aren’t happy

[jshm2]

You're not attractive to him, just comfortable to him.

Sucks to be you (pun not intended) in the relationship. But what you've got there is a relationship where you're giving more than you're receiving.

[hunspoonrrr]

I think this is spot on- and to be honest I don’t think he even realised that is the case. But that’s the kind of clarity I need to be able to bring up the situation with him. Me just being comfortable for him is putting it perfectly - thank you !

[A_24_Year_old]

If your opinion and needs dont matter in a relationship, end it even though it is hard for you. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and people aho can give you what you want.

[Iron_Man]

Does he have sexual problems

[hunspoonrrr]

When we have sex it’s great, it’s just getting him to do it which worries me for 2 people in their mid twenties I feel like it shouldn’t be so hard. I’ve asked him specifically too because I’m open to working with it if he doesn’t but he says he doesn’t.. just leaves me feeling so worthless and I know he knows it but doesn’t seem to want to fix it!

[Iron_Man]

Sounds like he’s lost interest in the relationship do you still kiss and cuddle?

[hunspoonrrr]

Yeah we do but it’s always me initiating it. And when I try to turn the kissing into more he always just stops it and turns the other way or says sorry and goes to sleep.. I thought the same which is why I ended it a few months ago, with his lack of interest in the relationship I assumed it would be over and I could move on but he assured me it would change and he wanted to make it work. I don’t know how to address it with him

[Iron_Man]

Follow your heart and make a very wise decision what happens 10 years from now when you’re married so basically he’s gonna retire lol

[boggboss]

Clearly u are

[hunspoonrrr]

Thanks for your reply, I feel this too. It’s just hard when as rough as it sounds I feel like he is the one with the issues, I want to be sexual with him and have a life with him so it’s hard for me to be the one to end it

[boggboss]

And have u ever spoken to him about this maybe go couples therapy

[hunspoonrrr]

I have spoken to him about it and he swore it would change, it did for maybe a week and then went back to old ways.

[boggboss]

Then tell him you are not happy

[boggboss]

And if they don't change u will leave for good

[LeoLover75]

Is he a virgin?

[WilliamAnton]

Are you really 46?

[bean2k21]

time to move on

[hunspoonrrr]

I think that’s what I am feeling but my attraction to him and the way we are in all other ways but sexual is what stops me. To be honest I almost wish he would end it with me for whatever reasons he has as I know I don’t want to end it because I do love him. As crazy as it sounds