Why are so many black guys so aggressive at the club?

[Anonymous]

It's fckn annoying! Most of the time, they don't even ask you to dance, they just come up to you and start grinding their disgusting d***s all over you, putting their hands all up on you. I hate it! I went to the club the other night and the black guys there were so creepy! They would just come right up to you and start grinding on you! I don't like that! One guy was so chubby and ugly it was terrible! I walked away from him! I go to the club a lot and I hate to generalize, but I've noticed a major difference in the approach of a white guy, to the Latinos, to the Arabs, to the blacks. For example, this guy from Brazil came up to me and started dancing with me but he wasn't overly aggressive. He was firm but not like all in my space, he smiled and made brief conversation then started dancing. The white guys will usually do this hilarious perimeter thing where they stay near me with a smile then close in slowly smiling like "Am I gonna get smacked for this? or is it ok?" bwahaha! Arab guys will always ask if I want to dance. They don't just grab me and start rubbing their sweaty selves all over me; they ask! They seem to be the most respectful! I can't generalize everyone though because once there was this black guy who asked me and made small talk first.

I just want to know why black guys seem so much more aggressive! It's such a turn off! Especially when the guy is ugly! I'm a black female by the way. Any similar experiences?

Updates

+1 y

I would love to hear from black guys

[Little-Hippie]

Really, we just do it to antagonize you.

No, I see that around the entire club scene in general.

I'd be lying if I said the fact that you're black doesn't have anything to do with it.

They probably feel more confident and dominant with you.

Like the fact that you're both black puts you instantly min your comfort zone or something.

That said, I've hear a lot of similar experiences from many different types of girls about many different types of guys.

The club scene is not a very good scene to begin with.

To me it seems very...hostile.

And the gals all look like they're ready to take fairy needle to the next male to get near them.

If I'm ever at the club, I find more amusement in watching the gals arrange themselves into defensive dancing formations like the 3-girl triangle to prevent guys from penetrating their defensive circle with their unwelcome advances.

And don't get me wrong, I love the art of dancing in all forms. But the club just takes the fun out of dancing, which is incredibly ironic.

[Asker]

Lol! yeah because it's annoying! I love clubs! :D I love all of the light effects and the blasting music. I wish creepy guys wouldn't f*** it up

[Little-Hippie]

I've actually seen that sh*t work so many times, they may just be getting reinforced with success stories right in front of them. If you turn around and you find the guy that's grinding on you to be very attractive, then you might be kinda okay with it.

If you don't find him attractive, that same pattern of behavior is creepy and therefore completely unacceptable.

That's a hard train of logic for a guy to follow, especially if he doesn't know if he's hot or not.

[Asker]

omg yes! I'm sorry I hate to sound shallow because I'm really not when it comes to personality, but if it's supposed to be a sexy dance or something and I'm not attracted to him it's bad. Like really bad like awful! especially if his belly is hanging out on my back or he's making ugly faces and getting hard on my butt ugh!

[Little-Hippie]

You're not shallow for not wanting to bang every guy in the club.

That said, certain things that are okay for guys you find attractive are NOT okay for guys you don't.

You'd rather the unattractive guy come up and ask to dance so that you can say no. But to prevent it from being a double standard, you'd just prefer that all guys come up and ask to dance.

But because female-to-male attraction is so heavily preference-based, it's difficult for a guy to know where he falls on the spectrum.

[Little-Hippie]

In short, if that kind of aggression didn't work so well for the hot guys, the ugly ones wouldn't try to emulate it so much.

[Asker]

hmm that's an interesting point. I just like respectfu guys. I've had this one really hot guy...like the hottest guy in the club, smile at me and politely ask me to dance. that is what I like to see :)

[Little-Hippie]

There's a canyon-sized gap between what we'd love for everyone to do and what we're willing to let certain people get away with.

Ugly guy smiles and asks you to dance? Ugly guy gets no dance.

Ugly guy grinds up on you? Ugly guy dances for a few secs before he's either brushed off or allowed to continue.

#Foot-In-The-Door

[Delaisback]

Well take in mind I'm generalizing but black guys are usually more aggressive and shameless when it comes to approaching a girl. I believe it is part of their culture and seen as an acceptable thing to do. This can be an advantage over the other guys who are a little more hesitant about approaching a girl for fear of rejection, but at the same time it doesn't work on all girls, you for example.

[Asker]

I like the aggressive approach when a guy is pursing me or approaching me. Like if I was at a cafe or if there was a guy in class who was interested me, the aggressive approach would turn me on. But, it's different when a stranger is coming up to you and rubbing his d*ck on you. It seems a bit intrusive to me. This is how I view grinding. Grinding, in my opinion, is a dance that must be done with passion and some form of skill so that it doesn't just look like a sleezy, horny activity.

[Asker]

Otherwise if you're not passionate about it and just look like you're f*cking with your clothes on, then I think it's really objectifying. Like the guy may not even be attracted to you! He may have just come up to you because you have a big butt or big titts. I have to grind with someone I'm attracted to. Preferably someone I have feelings for. If it's a guy that I'm not attracted to, then I just won't be into it. I won't be able to get into it. Otherwise I just feel like a sex object

[Asker]

even though it's not sex, it's a no brainer that if you're in a sexy outfit and rubbing against a guy's d*** he's gonna get aroused. Anyway, I just prefer respectful guys. Like I grinded with a guy who would pull my dress down for me when it came up and I appreciated that so much! I also like it when guys talk a little just so that it's not like some random dude just all up on me. I don't like it when guys try to force it and are just too aggressive like wtf that's not a turn on

[Delaisback]

That's why I don't go to clubs to find girls.

[Asker]

lol well I don't know some guys may do that. but I know a lot of guys who just go to let loose and have fun! I know some guys who are dancers, like break dancers and stuff, they just like to go out and dance the night away. it can be a huge stress reliever!

[Delaisback]

Well I guess I got down arrowed because I talked about black guys while having white skin, my bad everyone.

[Asker]

I didn't give you a thumbs down. don't be so sensitive and assume that's why whoever did it. why don't you just ask who did it and why lol

[Delaisback]

Well I guess they could have done it because they don't like my face, otherwise I think the assumption is easy.

[Anonymous]

Yeah I know what you mean, and am proud to say that all approaches like that towards me have been carefully avoided. I'm pretty aware of my surroundings no matter where I am, and me and my friends always look out for each other too. If someone gets too close we just pull each other out of the way.

Although I do have a few black friends who I went out clubbing with once who wanted guys to grind on them and wouldn't think much of the night if someone didn't. I couldn't really understand that, I found it weird.

Maybe the whole your black and he's black thing spurred him on but even so many none black girls as well as black girls do actually like it. (Although the majority of people I know don't.)

Oh and there is no point in going anon, pretty much everyone knows who you are. Miss 007

[Asker]

007? who is that? and isn't it the pot calling the kettle black for you to tell me not to go under anonymous when you are under anonymous?

Anyway, I have a friend who loves for guys to grind on her. She's white. It's because, well no offense, she's not very attractive, she's 6ft and she's kind of...round. It's hard for her to find cute clothes and dresses in her size so she wears tank tops a lot that sometimes make her look trashy because she has huge boobs.

[Asker]

she's very insecure and when a guy grinds on her it makes her feel better about herself. I think if a female actually feels like her night sucked if she couldn't find a random stranger to rub his d*** on her, then she has insecurity issues. I go to the club and have guys trying to rub their d***s on me left and right and I HATE IT.

[Opinion Owner]

You, and I'm anonymous because I wouldn't be a very good troll if you new who I was ...duh.

Actually no, none of them are insecure their just a bit slutty. In fact a lot of my friends are pretty hot it's more of a game of how many guys dare to approach us. (although I don't like the way they go about this game).

Shouldn't you be helping your friend with her self esteem and the way she dresses and not putting her down because she's tall and slightly round.

[Opinion Owner]

If you hate it so much it's not that hard to stop them, just get your friends to watch out for you. Oh and it's a club almost NONE of the guys you meet will be worth getting to know. You go there to have a bit of fun and not to expect anything out of it. More girls should know this.

[Asker]

I'm not putting her down. I'm just telling it like it is. It's not like I went to her and said "You're round" chill out. Actually, that's not true lol I met my first boyfriend at a club and he treated me like a princess. Don't be so judgmental. seriously being a "troll" on the fourth of July? wtf get a life lol

[Opinion Owner]

I'm being judgmental? You just very quickly decided that half of my friends are insecure and have issues from a tiny piece from information I gave you and your calling me judgmental?

I did say ALMOST NONE, you were just lucky.

Get a life? Oh don't worry I've got one ;).

[Asker]

I didn't say anything about half of your friends being insecure wtf delusional much? lol stop trying to pick a fight

[Opinion Owner]

lol, wtf you already started one, ;/

[Anonymous]

I don't like to generalize either, but I've noticed this too. To the point where one black guy kept trying to lift up my skirt/put his hands under it. What world does someone live in to think that it's acceptable behavior to go up to a girl that you don't know and try to put your hands up her skirt?

[Asker]

Ugh that's disgusting! Girl, don't ever feel like you can't 1. slap him or 2. get fiesty with him! In a situation like that, I would suggest moving away his hands very fast like a ninja turning around, calling him a pig, then walking away. If you let him do it, then he'll think it's OK or see how much further he can go.

[Opinion Owner]

I noticed a couple guys suggest that maybe it has something to do with you being black, but like I said, I've noticed it too and I'm white and they've acted this way toward my friends as well, who are a variety of ethnicities.

[Asker]

yeah, lol I know it's not that. I've been to the club with white friends, Asian friends, and Latina friends who have all experienced the same thing

[yagurlnira768]

lol not only black guys do this...but I get your point.

CLUBS ARE DISGUSTING lol.

I have had an expierience when I got really grinded on by just standing in the middle of the dance floor talking to my friend...but the dude was sweaty and stunk...so I pushed him away and went outside.

[Asker]

lol yeah a lot of clubs are nasty! sucks for agirl like me who just wants to let her hair down and go dance with the blasting music and awesome light effects but can't do sh*t without some guy trying to rub his d*** on me lol

[Anonymous]

I HATE it, just because we are in a club does not give them enough reason to start rubbing themselves all over me.

Especially when they come over flirting telling me how much they are attracted to light skin, its like wtf, you are flirting with me by disrespecting your own race of women go away!

[Asker]

Yeah, I hate to say it, but black men are often the worse.

[Opinion Owner]

from my experience they expect me to be attracted to them because they are black, who fills their head with all this crap that they are doing the woman a favour by approaching them?

I feel like unless I slap them, they won't leave or even give me personal space, its as if they are big kids with no dicipline

[Asker]

lol have you slapped them before?! tell me about it? ha ha what age group are you talking about?

[Opinion Owner]

I was just dancing with my freinds and this black guy just popped up behind me out of nowhere.

He began sticking his hands under my top almost into my pants until I moved and he was just being really full on and telling me how attracted he is to white girls in my ear.

he wouldn't get any of my hints so I slapped him :(

[Asker]

YOU GO GIRL! I am so proud of you! even though I've known you less than 24 hours lol what did he do when you slapped him?

[Opinion Owner]

he looked shocked

[ALWAYSclassy]

That's just how they do. Depending on the type of clubs that you go to and the type of black men it attracts, most of them feel that if you are at the club you're fair game. That's just how it is, maybe you're used to white guys or something. I'm used to it but if I don't like the guy then I'll just tell him to get lost, also screw your face up at him and don't look nice/approachable if you can tell the guy you don't want is gonna start dancing with you or talking to you.

[ALWAYSclassy]

Oh make sure you keep a big group of friends with you, like I will roll out with AT LEAST 4, 5 girls so we can all circle each other and block unwanted guys.

[Asker]

I'm not used to any kind of guys lol I'm a late bloomer. I was so awkward and shy in high school and I didn't try to look pretty. Now that I'm out of high school, I model and I'm really into fashion and stuff. But I've only dated one guy ever and he was Arabic.

[Asker]

omg bwahahaha at your circle of protection! :D I do that but sometimes the girls will go off and dance with guys. I can sense when a guy is staring at me and wants to come dance with me. it's so creepy when they'll just be owlin me! lol

[ALWAYSclassy]

Oh...yeah they are like that. Not all but enough for you to notice! You have to treat them like disrespectful children and punish them when they start to get out of line. Be mean and cuss them out and they'll move on to the next girl. Also get your friends involved so they can help embarrass him and shame him. I know it sounds really mean but when dealing with this type of guy you have to get attitude so they'll leave you alone and know you're not an easy target

[ALWAYSclassy]

lol YES! I had a white friend ask me how come black girls usually travel in groups: THIS IS WHY! LOL also if you can, find a guy you like especially one that is big/thuggish/ or intimidating looking and dance with him or go with a male friend, his presence will deter disrespectful guys from bothering you

[Asker]

omg yeah I noticed that! I used to date this Arab guy who's a breakdancer and I noticed how guys were so much less bold when I was in the club with him. He used to walk behind me protectively or walk with me in front of him then wrap his arms around my waist while he was holding my hands or something cute like that. I noticed how guys wouldn't be so bold in staring at me or hitting on me. or like even if I was just talking to some girl friends and he was with us standing next to me...

[Asker]

I never had to deal with stuff like this. Wow that's so true! But now when I'm at the club with no guy around, I feel like a lamn that just walked into a lion's den! D: haha! Sometimes I like to go off seperately from my friends because they go in couples, and just find my own place on the dance floor and dance! :D omg that's when they really get on my damn hella fuggin nerves!

[Asker]

scratch that they didn't stare at me at all or maybe I just didn't notice. I don't know about treating him like a naughty kid tho lol the clubs I go to are in a bad neighborhod where hoodrats and thugs don't know how to act. I wouldn't want someone to pull out a guy on me and put it to my head like "dance with me!" or something! not about to shoot my ass! lol

[Asker]

by the way, thank you so much for taking your time to help me out with this :)

[G-Daz]

I am not sure, maybe it could just be the fact that your black, he is black and maybe just assumes that's a good enough reason for you to reciprocate his actions. I'm not really sure but like the other girl said, you could just be less open about dancing outside your group of freinds. Try to stay within

[Asker]

ugh so the f*ck what! just because I'm black and he's black doesn't mean I'll be OK with some random black guy coming up to me being way too aggressive rubbing his d*ck on me with his sweaty self! wtf

[G-Daz]

yeah I really don't know lol, I am just guessing what his reasons were, he could have just assumed you would find him attractive or even just playing hard to get...

[Asker]

ugh no. then it grosses me out. I don't like it.

[G-Daz]

perhaps you should consider moving state/city where guys are a lot more respectful? I am assuming you live in the US and I think there is a stereotype there that black girls prefer to be treated that way. I think black girls are hot but I think because of that, it could unintentionally provoke guys even elesewhere to act this way towards you too but it'd at least happen less :)

[Asker]

I don't think the problem is a twisted stereotype that black girls like to be treated with disrespect because I've had guys approach me in the club very respectfully. I've never been approached with such disrespect anywhere outside of a club. You're gonna have your disrespectful jerks wherever you go lol

[SweetcakeJoy]

Yeah of course it won't be all, but it likely influences many to be that way towards you despite you not liking it, at least to some degree or maybe just the area you live in. I can't really say

[G-Daz]

lol, wow, yeah exactly. you should just try to let them know at least you don't respond to it :)

[bel42]

i agree with you on the black guys issue. I usually prefer someone to first ask me to dance with them other than just brushing themselves against me. It's kind of disrespectful.

[Asker]

Exactly! That's just how I feel! It's very disrespectful!

[anonymous83]

Wow. I've never been to a club in my life, and now I'm not so sure I want to go anymore. Well, maybe if I had some mace and a lot of other females with me. However, it doesn't matter if you're black, blue, purple, white, ugly, pretty, have five fingers or two... if you grind on a female or a male without permission, than you have signed your own death certificate! It's called respect!

[Anonymous]

As a gay white man, I can tell you they behave this way in the gay clubs as well. It's so disgusting. Such animals with NO CLASS whatsoever. Oh and if you tell them you're not interested, right away they get offended and cop an attitude saying stuff like "Wat? you don' like black?" It's really terrible. They also have this staring thing too. One could be staring at me real hard and even though I don't look directly at him and even turn my head in the opposite direction, this means nothing to them. They don't read body language. I think they also know a lot of people just don't find them attractive and so they know they have to be more 'in your face' about it if they're ever going to get $%%##

[Asker]

it's sad because I really want to disagree with you, but I can't :/

[Olivia9]

Oh my gosh. To me black guys aren't as agressive as Indian guys they are waaay worse two seperate times my friends were literally bitten. I'd take an unwanted grind anyday over getting bitten by some scrawny Indian guy fom MIT biting me.

[Olivia9]

Oh by the way I'm biracial and I think it's pretty funny the answers you re getting if you tried to say something like this about white guys you would be labeled a racist and wouldn't have had such a high rating. Oh and look up daggering it could've been way worse lol.

[EngineeringStudent]

This is gonna get downvoted, lol.

[Lupianwolf]

I didn't know Indians were that bad at clubs, I'm indian but didn't downvote you

[Asker]

oh well I don't see many Indian guys at the club lol there are some creepy, older Indian or Middle Eastern guys who just like stare at people making out and dancing it's really weird but I think that's just because they're horny, old men lol I know that for some guys who come from a culture where there aren't many night clubs and interactions between guys and girls are prohbited to an extent like in Saudi Arabia and Kuwait, they act a damn fool in the club! lol I learned that when I dated an Arabic

[Asker]

guy. he had some friends who were like that. it was hilarious to watch though! One of them was grinding with a girl, well really just standing there bwahaha, and he was like "Wooo hooo!" "Yeahhhhh!" like it was Sunday night football I was roflmfao

[Olivia9]

No I don't mean Arabic, Middle Eastern specifically Indian guys like from India. Even on here they hit me up for sex chat and stuff. And go to the underage clubs when they are like 39-50 its just creepy. Yo're right a lot of down votes but there are also a lot of Indian guys on this site so oh well

[Asker]

I know what you mean but it could be the same thing. Maybe they're used to a culture full of females who are very conservative, and going to clubs and seeing such a different type of femae excites them but they're not smooth and don't have good game so they come off as creepy and awkward lol I can at least kinda understand that because I know had I been raised in a place with limited contact with guys, I might act like I have no damn sense coming to America lol

[sephora]

ahahaha so true!..especially with the white guys. I know what you mean lol.

[Asker]

really? I've never had white guys be overly aggressive and not even nearly as aggressive as black guys

[sephora]

no I'm talking about what you said about the white guys..

[Asker]

oh lol ha ha it was so late when I replied to that lol I didn't know wth I was saying. yeah, it cracks me up when they do it. especially when some of them get red in the face! it's so cute

[sephora]

yeh it is cute lol.

[EngineeringStudent]

I wouldn't know. I'm not much of a clubber myself. I guess it's the way a lot are raised.

[EngineeringStudent]

I'm black myself, and I agree with what one of the other answerers said. The clubbing group seems to be more aggressive in general. I know of lots of girls on this site who have also experienced something similar.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure the black guys aren't targeting you because your black and they think they might have a better chance with you

[Asker]

I just don't appreciate the overly aggressive approach. I don't like it at all. I don't want some random guy that I'm not even attracted to coming up to be rubbing himself all over me and trying to wrap his arms around me or put his hands all over me

[Opinion Owner]

I dunno, maybe stay close to girls so you don't get picked on find another club with less black guys

i assume hardly any would be at lez/gay bars

[Asker]

I'm not gonna go to a club with less black guys lol I'll just walk away from them or like omg when I was at the club just walking this ugly ass black guy with these thick ass glasses just decided to take his nasty hand and touch my thighs. I slapped it away so fast and turned around and yelled "WTF! Don't put your f***ing hands on me!" as a black female I hate to go along with believing a lot of black men are scum but damn I wish they'd stop proving it to be true

[Shaun]

lol@grinding being ANYTHING other than dry humping.

[Asker]

omg I'm so tired of hearing that! I think that's just something that someone who does not come from a strong sense of Latin, Caribbean, or Hip Hop culture says or if they just suck at it

[Asker]

if you're not even here to answer the quesiton then how about you stop wasting my time trying and failing to be a smart ass and stay the f*** off my post :)

[Shaun]

Grinding IS dry humping. I don't care how "well" the person performs.

[Shaun]

Stop being a crybaby.

[Asker]

I'm not being a crybaby. You're just annoying ,SHAUN. I always see you around here expressing your damn opinion as if it's fact that everyone agrees with when you get on everybody's fckn nerves. take a hint and get lost

[Shaun]

Reveal yourself.

[Asker]

I don't have to reveal sh*t to you

[Shaun]

And you don't speak for anybody but yourself. I don't give a sh*t that you think you grind in some kind of 'dignified' manner. The only difference between you and the guys you are asking about is a MATTER OF DEGREE, which you have shown.

This makes you a hypocrite.

[Asker]

lol no it doesn't. believe it or not you do not know everything and this is not judge judy. no one invited you here lol and you're not being helpful or informative at all so please make my day and keep it moving :)

[Shaun]

I'm as welcome here as you are. Period.

[Asker]

You're not welcomed to any of my questions :) that's why I've blocked you

[Anonymous]

why do so many white women generalize? like I was on this website last Friday and this white chick just started generalizing an entire ethnicity of people. it was disgusting

[Asker]

idk I'm not white lol I'm a black girl. that's what makes it so bad

[alltheabove1212]

This is what you get for going to a club

[Asker]

lol

[jacar288yahoocom]

Then go for another race as simple.

[Asker]

that's dumb.

[jacar288yahoocom]

Then why you complain about black men being aggressive?

[Asker]

ok you're going back to being blocked. I unblocked you because of your disability. I felt sorry for you, but you're just a pain in the ass and I'm tired of hearing your mouth.

[Anonymous]

culture

[Anonymous]

horny