Is it okay for a 16 year old to be friends with a mid 30s person?

[Anonymous]

I’ve recently become friends with someone who is wayyyy older than I am. They’re very nice and we’ve talked about boundaries and how comfortable we feel about this friendship. I’ve agreed that we should keep it as a platonic relationship, and obviously nothing more. They’ve also agreed & have told me that they enjoy my company, and that they aren’t ‘as uncomfortable as they should be.’ Is this okay as long as they don’t have any other intentions?

[CrazyGirl2]

It’s doesn’t seem very appropriate for a 16yr old to be friends w/ someone more than twice her age. My main issue, for opposite sex “friends” is especially w/ a 16yo girl, she has absolutely nothing in common with a man in his mid 30’s, if they really do, then the man is either making it up, or he is emotionally or developmentally retarded. And as I learned here on GaG when I signed up at 17yo, the amount of middle aged men who were highly sexually inappropriate with me was staggering! To the point where they were outright aggressive! If they are same sex (obviously something can still happen sexually, but odds wise the odds are far lower) If the “friendship is through an organization that background checks the adults, and the relationship is either a big brothers / big sisters or a mentoring program, that’s different, and can be highly beneficial and productive for the teen. But just “hi mom, have you met my friend Joe, he’s 20yrs older than me, but we are just friends mon, gawd stop loosing your shit! You always over react… we’re just friends! Well your mid 30s friend is weird and creepy at best, creepy and dangerous at worst. I absolutely KNOW this is a guy and likely a troll, and I’m going to get a bunch of abuse just for posting my opinion, but just in case it’s real, this girl needs a reality check! remember the guy at CNN, and the guy at Facebook who were both busted being “just friends with 14y/o’s… they are out there and will use anything to get access to young teenagers!

[SkyCastle90]

It's great you set boundaries, but remember he's an adult.
I'm not going to tell you to stop being friends with him, but I will say this:

Trust your gut.

Too many times women who have great intuition are told they're overreacting or being judgmental/critical. Fuck that. Trust yourself always. The fact you even had to set clear boundaries in beginning stages of the friendship to make sure it stays a friendship means there's something off about him.

[caring__1]

You're labeling this as a relationship. What do you hope to get from it? My main concern would be it would be too easy for you to feel safe with the older guy, limiting your motivation to get to know people your own age. This is a time for you to explore and discover. If you choose to hide in what you believe is a safe place, it's easy to skip over experience and knowledge acquisition that will be very helpful in your future.

Skipping developmental stages raises the likelihood we'll never revisit those stages and acquire those skills. I never learned to play ball when I was a kid. When my son would throw a ball to me, I would tend to wince. He chose not to learn multiplication when his peers were taught it. Even today, he relies on computers and calculators when the need arises to multiply... even though he is very adept at higher math. You may not see value in your present developmental stage, but you'll feel the void later on, if you skip over it.

[OlderAndWiser]

The problems are

1. other people will assume that the relationship is more than a friendship,

2. you don't really know what his intentions are; you only know what he tells you about his present intentions, and

3. if you spend enough time together, feelings and attraction can develop.

You are playing with fire and someone will probably get burned.

[Anonymous]

Nothing wrong with any friendship as long as it's legit.

Don't assume he'll stick to his story though. He could be grooming you for something. You know, lower your defenses now,, and then BOOM, wants something.

That's a concern both now, and later. Now because you're 16, and later because you're still young. Legal aged, but young, and inexperienced, and naive to the ways and cunning of men. They'll tell you what you want to hear, whatever that might be, like, "oh, I agree, we should keep it platonic", meanwhile formulating something else and how to get you to agree.

My question, is why should it be kept platonic? How did that get brought up if there wasn't some mention by someone of things going romantic?

I'd watch your back.

[sunflower00]

The fact they said they aren’t as uncomfortable as they SHOULD be is kind of telling - it’s pretty weird in my opinion. What does a grown adult have in common with a teenager? I don’t think it’s ok

[Hansie99]

This is not okay I smell grooming all over this take care of yourself and stick to people closer to your age I’ve been there done that at your age hun and it never goes well

[JustinTheGreat]

The thing is, they could say they don’t have intentions besides being just friends but they could still possibly be trying to groom you.
Even if they did genuinely just want to be friends, I don’t see what a 16 year old and 30+ year old would have in common. So it’s a little weird either way

[anton_dee]

If he doesn't do anything to make you uncomfortable or hurt, what is the problem? Friendship has no age limit.

[Dinosaursandanime65]

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't unless they were like a neighbor or something.

[Wise4myage]

Probably not a good idea. But just make sure things remain platonic.

[Anonymous]

I met my wife when she was 14 and I was 29, we started a friendship. Two years later we were consumating our marriage.

[JustinTheGreat]

I hope you’re joking

[driven159]

its not ok he is way too old for friends needs to find someone closer to his age

[noohair]

He is in a danger zone. I think grooming starts younger than 16 but I could be wrong

[Anonymous]

Can I respond privately?🤔

[Asker]

sure

[Opinion Owner]

K, I'd like to.. go ahead and send me a pm first then I can dm you direct since you're set to anonymous

[In_Trance]

It's only a matter of time until your railing him

[TheMajesticKing777]

No not at all

[Neko_Nya]

Yeah I am

[jimmy2]

Be careful honey

[007kingifrit]

sure its fine

[barn_stormer]

it's fine

[Anonymous]

That's grooming

[clemdenim]

Just be careful