Do you stop liking guys after they like you back?

[Anonymous]

every time I like a guy I focus so much on getting him to like me. and so far its always worked and he's liked me back, but as soon as he tells me he likes me, I stop liking him. is this normal? none of my relationships have ever laster more than two months because I just always have to admit to myself and him that I don't like him anymore no matter how hard I try to. what can I do to commit to a guy instead of just liking the game of making him like me?

[bobair]

This is easy. Only date guys who aren't really into you.

:)

The problem you're having is common for younger guys/girls... and I think it might come from awkward parenting (we learn how relationships should look and feel from our parents, so blame them.)

What's likely happening is this...

Attraction is tension. The more tension you feel for a guy, the more attraction you feel. You feel tension and you label it attraction.

But once you get a guy, and you KNOW he likes you too, the tension is completely gone. The mystery and the chase are completely erased.

Then it's boring.

So how can you prevent this?

3 things...

1) Look beyond the superficial feelings of attraction. Realize that boyfriends aren't just jewelry that you show off to your friends. Because when your relationship is based only on attraction the relationship is doomed. It's impossible to keep the tension/attraction high.. it waivers from high to low to medium over time.

This take maturity and experience. Which you'll get with time. So don't fret.

2) Realize that the BEST relationships are based upon love and rapport... and not JUST attraction. Love and rapport is something we LEARN to respect and desire and it taught to us by our parents and older siblings, etc. If your parents are messed up then this might mess you up too... but it's only temporary. You can relearn anything you WANT.

Rapport comes from closeness. It comes from sharing secrets. It comes from sharing stories and similarities. It brings feelings of connection. Warm. When you REALLY connect with someone you feel familiar and safe. Like being alone with mom or dad.

Like connecting with your very best friend feels safe so can your boyfriend, if you choose him based on how you feel when you're with him.

Appreciating rapport comes with time. It's a deeper thing that takes experience to appreciate I think.

3) If you might try dating guys who simply aren't that into you.

These are guys who will always be unsure if they really like you, which will make you ALWAYS chase them. And it's likely this "chase" that's getting your juices flowing. It's this "unknowing if he likes you" that creates unease and tension in your body, which you're thinking is attraction.

This, of course, is a mistake long term. But if you're just having fun then try this while you're busy learning about what you REALLY want in a boyfriend.

I hope this helps!

~ Robby

My Blog ( link )

[Gideon9]

Hi. Well you have to ask yourself a simple question. “Do I really like this guy or do I like the idea of challenging myself to get him to like me?” This will let you know if it’s truly the guy you want or just the challenge, why not let the guy pursue you? Maybe that’s the “game” changer, as a woman you feel more cherished and appreciated when a guy pursues you because he see’s you valuable! That feeling is taken away from you when you pursue the guy in the way you do, let a guy you like pursue you and drop hints to encourage him to come after you. Please don’t play hard to get that mostly just upsets some guys in my opinion. Stay positive, assess how you truly feel about the guy, and let him show you how much he cares for you.

[babygirl103]

i think when you will commit to a guy when the time is right when you really fall in love but don't play the game for a little bit just be yourself and see what happens mabye then it won't just be the game that you like. Its like smoking obviously its bad for you so why do you keep doing it? you're probably addicted try to lay low on the game for a little while and see what happens.

[Asker]

thankyou(:

[babygirl103]

no problem

[geliebt]

Dude, I am the SAME way, it's insane. And it usually hurts people a long the way :/

it'd be nice to be able to commit.

[Shaun]

If you know you're like this, and you know you hurt people, why do you persist?

[geliebt]

Because I want to find the right person, and find someone I can have a nice stable relationship with? Isn't that what most yearn for? It's not my fault, I don't just "Oh today looks like a beautiful day to hurt someone!"

Do you suppose I just give up all together?

[Tukindz]

Would I be wrong to guess that you have a very poor relationship with your father?

[Asker]

actually I'm very close with my father, but my mom works everyday so I've grown up with nannies not by parents. why?

[Tukindz]

Just a "need to be loved" theory I have. You didn't get enough love/attention from your parents, so you don't feel like you deserve love. When you get it from a guy you shun it because you don't think you deserve it.

Low self esteem, you need to sort that sh*t out. If you keep it up you will eventually end up with an abusive guy that doesn't really love you and you will forever feel like you have to get him to fall in love with you. He won't, which will make you try harder.

Kinda sad really.

[Asker]

oh. well how I do sort that sh*t out then? I don't think I have a low self esteem but I guess you are right I didn't get enough love from my parents. uhh more then kinda sad :P

[Tukindz]

Jeez! I didn't mean to bum you out. It's just a theory.

Try being single for a few months. Break the cycle.

[hiloolollololo]

im the same :l

[bobair]

I like your honesty. :)