The ex I still love reached out?

[Lara98]

My ex reached out after months and says he wants to work things out, I still love him so I want that too. But he says we should start as friends first before we think about getting back together so we can rebuild our foundation otherwise we’ll end up breaking up again. Do you think he’s right?

[caring__1]

First off, find a therapist who specializes in communication, as it sounds like your key issue is dysfunctional communication. That way, the two of you can learn effective communication skills together. Just saying he's going to communicate doesn't mean he has any training or knows what works and what doesn't. Will you be able to master any skill without acquiring it first?

Professor Hill's "Think System" from the Music Man doesn't work. Reading "The Secret" and believing things will happen just by wishing doesn't work. Time doesn't heal all wounds. It's what we do with the time that determines the outcome. If you don't acquire and use the skills, you'll find yourselves right back where you started.

[TommyMountainFigure]

I only have one question that you need to ask yourself.

Have you fixed what caused you guys to break up initially? Because you can start slow OR fast, if you haven't there is literally no point in trying again. Break ups are worse 2nd time around if the reason is the same.. It becomes far more final with far more heartbreak!

[Lara98]

Yes I have fixed those issues and he says he has too. We talked and it feels like we can understand better now when we are less emotional. But the scariest part of starting with just being friends is that he might see other people and if he chooses to date them instead it’s going to hurt me.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Then the time to voice those fears is NOW, before you get back together.. too late afterwards.
You know something? You said you both talked but did you REALLY talk? as in a proper heart to heart. The only successful relationships where both people are happy are the ones where you can talk about absolutely anything. One more thing. Starting this relationship again... you want different things.. If I was your brother/ father/ friend I honestly would recommend against it because he has the ability from what I have read to break your heart in two, and nobody should have that much control over another in a relationship.. it should be equal..

[TommyMountainFigure]

The more I think about it, the worse feeling I have in my gut about it. Sorry but I cannot sit here and lie to you. You really need to think if it is worth it. Not with your heart, but your head.

[Lara98]

We did speak heart to heart now, he is not very good at emotions and communicating, that’s what caused issues because I overthink. We have tried to fix these problems individually when we were broken up. I loved him very deeply at one point and I went through hell mentally after we broke up. I still love him and want to get back one day if we can. But I don’t want to feel the hurt again.

[TommyMountainFigure]

I don't think you're both singing fro the same hymn sheet and i will explain what I mean. You've been apart for quite a while. That has manifested for you in a way that you want to hold him and never let him go.. am I right? Yet for him, he wants to see how things go before he commits himself. That to me is NOT a good sign at all.

[Lara98]

Yea actually you’re right, that’s exactly what’s going on! I’d rather use my energy in moving on than going backwards and hurting myself again. He dated someone in the meantime and they broke up because he wasn’t over me.

[TommyMountainFigure]

I was badly hurt in a relationship when I was in my teens and it taught something very valuable. Never to go back to a broken relationship. You get stronger by embracing the pain you feel and you also get respected more for it. The best part also is if in a new relationship the other person knows if, they think twice about taking you for granted.
Maybe I should of lead with this, but I haven't been hurt in a relationship since that time

[Lara98]

Thank you for this!! This gives me strength! Good luck to you, may you get what you wish for!

[TommyMountainFigure]

Thank you.. That's my point.. I do I am in a great relationship now because of that view

[LazerBean]

So for months y'all were having issues that you couldn't solve, but now just magically it'll get worked out? Yeah, that doesn't happen.

[Lara98]

But we broke up and grew individually, do you think that helps?

[LazerBean]

Maybe if it's been more than 2 years, and even that's slim. Any less than 2 years, no.

[Chiarac2003]

Oh I wouldn’t define it etc. I would jus see what happens… also don’t know the dynamics of the breakup.

[Lara98]

We broke up because we started having issues that we never solved, he sucked at communicating and I overthink. He wants to be friends first so we can work on our issues and not skip steps.

[Chiarac2003]

Ok… still I would jus not label or define. Bcos in the beginning of a relationship we nvr do. That’s my opinion n I wish u lotsa luck… 🥰🎀

[Lara98]

Thanks love!! Means a lot. Wish you the same 💗

[Chiarac2003]

Thnx🥰

[reiina]

it could be, you dont know if you dont try

[Lara98]

I am scared of getting hurt again :/

[reiina]

you scared more of being hurt again or to miss the chance to be with him again?

[Lara98]

Damn :/ I do wanna be with him but if we don’t end up together I’ll just be heartbroken

[reiina]

so... which is most scary?

[liyaka]

I like

[liyaka]

Im boy 31 u like chatt whith me send pvt

[TommyMountainFigure]

Seriously? She wants advice on whether or not to get back with her fella, and you see it as a way to hit on her?