Relationship advice?

[Jonathonwg]

I've been dating a girl for 3 years and everything was good till her parents got a divorce since then she's been down and saying she needs time for herself then a week later she asked me out and told me she didn't know what she was thinking. Then 2 weeks later she breaks up with me again and tells me she doesn't want to lead me on but she says she loves me and i deserve better but all i want is her, even if she's going through a hard time i want to be there for her and support her. I love her without a doubt i want to be with her but she says she doesn't know whats real anymore and says she's numb

[SueShe]

When parents divorce, it is affecting the entire family and it has been affecting her since she had to experience the entire parental relation since the time she was a child.

Love is nice but it seldom holds a lifelong. She thinks of course that it could happen to her as well. You may love her now but how will it be in 20 years from now? She is definitely not ready to go through the same painful separation as her parents are going through now.

She asks a time out because she needs time to "digest" the entire event of her parents' divorce. I am personally not sure that she will want to go back into a relation anytime soon.

[Man-O-Metal]

I wouldn't continue a relationship with this girl. But definitely be there when she needs a friend to listen to her. In these situations, the person who is hurt acts a lot like a pacient talking to there psychiatrist. The patient can sometimes fall for the psychiatrist because they are such a good listener and give them good advice. They can become attracted to this behavior. Kinda like how she was into you after trying to distance herself from you. But when she backed off again, she was actually doing the right thing. Trying to make a relationship work while someone is going through a traumatic experience never works. Let her figure things out and process all that has happened. Then when she seems to be healed and restored, tell her once again how you truly feel about her.

[Jonathonwg]

Thank you this is truly helping me

[Effably]

It is a matter of respect.

From her viewpoint she is questioning her self-worth and shielding you.

What you need to make clear is that what you want is not her decision. And if you want her, and think she is good enough, she has to accept that you feel that way. If she respects you, she won't shield you. But you do need to, well, basically force the words down her throat as people in this martyr-type state tend to have a very narrow vision.

[Jonathonwg]

How would i go out with this

[Effably]

In the simplest of ways? Find out her reason. If it is that she's somehow not enough, you inform her that you believe that she is to you. That it is your decision to decide how well she measures up and that you think, whatever you do.

Its a firm but tender stance based around a simple "I believe you are good for me." argument. With the core being that you get to pick what is good for you.

[Jonathonwg]

She said she doesn't want to hurt me anymore but she has never hurt me on purpose

[Effably]

Same argument. Still for you to decide if the good is worth whatever little pain she causes. Every couple has conflict sometimes. It is actually well established that ability to face that head on makes for longer lasting relationships.

Still. She's in a self-doubting, martyr-desiring state of mind. What motivates it is typically concern for you. As such you take that concern for you and make it about respecting your choice to still want her.

Preferably, this is done with a very long lasting hug. You can handle it. As long as she still likes you it works out.

[Selene1600000]

She’s going through something heavy and doesn’t have the emotional capacity for a relationship right now, even if she still cares about you.
You can’t fix this for her, and trying to stay close while she’s unsure will keep hurting you.
Give her space and focus on yourself, because if she comes back it should be from clarity not confusion.

[Iron_Man]

She’s one of those kind of girls very wishy-washy MoveOn

[In_Trance]

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