If your man said "I'll talk to you however I want" would you leave him?

[Anonymous]

Hi y'all, my boyfriend was super sweet to me for majority of our relationship and I have also been a bitch at times way back when at times when I was upset with him but I unlike him always sincerely apologized at length for those behaviors and discontinued them and learned to communicate and act in a healthy way and control my emotions. Over time he has started showing me more signs of being a jerk not just to me, but in general. When he is mad he loses total and complete control of what he says, he has said the most horrendous things like said he only went out with me to begin with cus he felt bad for me, said he doesn't love me, called me a bitch, "i dont want you anymore" only to say oh i didn't say that or oh i didn't mean it i was mad, then gets mad at me and accuses me of arguing when i try to talk to him about the things he has said when mad and he will say things like don't ask stupid questions you should know I love you its like bruh lol you just said you dont cus you were mad. Today he was pissed that I woke him up to hold me after I had a nightmare which admittedly wasn't mature I should have let him sleep for work, but he also went to bed at like 2 so if he really cared about getting sleep before work he wouldn't have slept that late lol but he was being a jerk this morning cus I gently woke him up and he said something rude and I said "do not talk to me like that", and his response was "I'll talk to you however I want" to which I said "shut the fuck up" and he said "don't tell me to shut the fuck up" to which I copied him and said "I'll talk to you however I want" in order to make my point. He also told me recently he followed a guy to their work because the guy was 'riding his ass' while driving and he wanted to 'teach him a lesson'. does he sound to anyone else like he has serious issues?

[ZiZi_Bell]

Yeah... I would get out of that.

Not sure what is going on with him, but this is very aggressive, controlling behavior. Also some gaslighting thrown in there for good measure, with him trying to convince you he didn't say something you heard him say.

There could be a medical reason for the behavior shift. But I would personally recommend getting away from him. Following people just because they were jerks in traffic and talking about "teaching people a lesson" is a big red flag.
I knew someone with antisocial (borderline?) personality disorder and this is how they would operate. They would love bomb in the start of a relationship, be all sweet and lovey, then as soon as they felt like they were comfortably entangled in their partners life they would drop the disguise and be who they really were. And who they really were was controlling, manipulative, and violent.

[Asker]

wow thank you for describing that so in depth, definitely seems like him. also just very bipolar seeming behavior where he shifts moods and acts like a little kid having a tantrum, holding a grudge etc. i know for sure his mom had bipolar or some other mental disorder so it would not surprise me. i think he said she has bipolar cus she has been to the mental hospital as a teenager. it is hard now to leave because of how long he acted sweet for and now he's acting nuts. im consdering making a youtube story about it not to expose him i won't use names, but maybe other people commenting like this will finally help me see the truth and leave him.

[ZiZi_Bell]

No problem. I'm by no means an expert but I have some experience with people like this, so if you need advice just let me know and I will help as much as I can.

[Asker]

thank you so much <3 if its ok ill message you more, hearing stuff like this is helping me to gather the strength and prepare to leave asap

[ZiZi_Bell]

Of course!

[Blackcosmo]

It sounds like he's manipulating. This is not normal and he shouldn't be treating you like that. The fact he doesn't apologize shows he's arrogant and self centred. I would leave the relationship because no one should treat someone they love like that. This is a toxic relationship.

[Asker]

It’s not even the whole extent of it lmao not only does he not apologize but he plays victim and makes me apologize and tries to accuse me of arguing when I’m not

[Blackcosmo]

That sounds a lot like a narcissist. I know he seemed nice at first but that's how they start then slowly they start manipulating you. I can't tell you what to do with your life but I suggest you shouldn't stay in this relationship if you feel like something is wrong.

[Asker]

I feel so trapped and feel like no one understands then when I see people say things like what you said it gives me a glimmer of hope, I have this image of him stuck in my head of how he used to treat me and how he used to treat me and it is so hard to see him the way he is now being the POLAR opposite of that, it's very confusing and I get the gut feeling something is wrong (not cheating or substance use etc) like something is wrong with him if that makes sense, like mentally. I've thought to myself hey maybe he's a covert narc

[Blackcosmo]

I understand how you're feeling. It's really hard to think differently of someone when they always used to be nice to you. No one likes to believe there's something wrong with someone they love. You should listen to your gut.

[Asker]

yes and i definitely think this is the real him and he just put up a good front for a while maybe he does even care about me, but that doesn't matter he isn't a good person

[Blackcosmo]

Definitely. I hope everything goes well for you :)

[Stevepro68]

Yes the pattern of an mental abuser, sounds like he is psychological but may engender physical danger one day. He should submit to voluntary therapy if he can't see that it's a problem
get out before you can't.
Codependent cannot see that thier self deprication enables the violence spiral.

[AmandaYVR]

Yes, saying that is not ok. He won't have successful relationships with that attitude.

And road rage? In LA people get shot for shit like this. He's an idiot.

[Asker]

lmao agreed we are actually an hour from LA and I have told him hey you could get hurt one day you never know whos out there and what they might do and he doesn't take it serious

[AmandaYVR]

Highway gun shootings have doubled in the past 3 years. They're at 546 incidences now. Tell him that.

And a NASCAR driver just got randomly shot and killed at a gas station.

He's an idiot. His temper is the real problem here.

[Msputiton]

He can take that attitude to the next person

[LazerBean]

Yes, without a second thought. He sounds dumb AF

[DermalPunch]

Yes, he has very low self esteem.

[mrlongdongsiilver]

leave girl looks like he is seerial killer

[fonduegirl]

Red flag