Did he technically cheat on me with his baby momma?

[hschiesler]

My boyfriend (24M) and I (24F) have been dating almost a year, about half way through he found out he has a daughter with a women in Italy that he had dated when he was in the military before we got together. He had told me he rarely had contact with her and when he did it was only about his daughter and he was going to go hopefully this winter to get a DNA test. I got a random suspicion the other day and went through his phone while he was sleeping, which was a big break of trust to him. But I found their text where he called her the names he called me and said he loved her. When I confronted him he said he had to do it and that otherwise she was threatening to not let him see his daughter and showed me where she said he had to be there to see her by her 1st birthday or he’ll never get to see her etc. he also told me that she did know about me, he doesn’t love her and he loves me. I believe him when he said he does this for his daughter but I think he really loves her, before the last three days when he started texting her he would go weeks without speaking to her he said. He says he only wants me but I don’t know anymore, I told him he wasn’t allowed to say that he loves her or call her the names he calls me and he agreed and also said if I went through his phone again he’d be done but said I can ask and he will let me. Im not sure what to do in this case, I don’t want to break up because I love him but I think he really loves her.

[Guy13]

I am not trying to make it worse: Wow, that is tough but he looks like he is playing both ends toward the middle.-you may want to Search that phrase. He seems like a Master manipulator. I know people like this who had two families and neither knew about it until something triggered one of the wives. You are an adult and I am not an expert in anything relational. Where there is Smoke there is Fire is a good common sense way to live... If one sees the sparks and smoke does one stay in the building until building burns and takes their life as well?

[Black_Ivory]

Trust your instincts and realize what you are willing to tolerate and what you will not tolerate.

In my opinion, he has too much baggage.

If I was you, I would cut my losses and start over. But this is your life, your human experience, and your choice. You have to decide for yourself what you want your future to involve. Do you want to deal with a baby's mama for the rest of your time with him? Or do you want to find a guy who has no baggage and can completely focus on you and your future together? Choice is yours, and yours alone.

[Sorrento-Sun]

Where does he set the boundaries though? If she wanted sex with him and threatened to stop him seeing their daughter, what will he do then?

Love alone doesn't create a lasting, loving succesful relationship.

You're in for a long emotional rollercoaster ride ahead of you. In time, you'll develop insecurities and it'll destroy you inside.

[kylee2437]

You two haven’t been dating for very long, I’d dump him honestly. He has an unresolved issue going on that you got put in the middle of. You don’t need that kind of stress in your life especially with someone that you don’t have much history with. Move on, go find someone that doesn’t have baby mama drama.

[love_conquers_lust]

This guy is worried about angering the mother of a child he isn’t even sure is his? And he’s hiding it? And he says if you go through his phone, you have to ask, after concealing something that he felt you weren’t privy too? DO NOT GET IMPREGNATED BY THIS TOOL.

[Anonymous]

One way or another you'll need to bottom this one out or it'll eat away at your relationship. He seemingly has a long term engagement with this woman because of the child (assuming it is his) so you need to be sure of his priorities before you move forward with him.

[Avicenna]

He‘s lying to you. And ask him for proof that he has a family lawyer in Italy dealing with these issues. If he doesn’t, he’s BSing you.

[Dinklex3]

Sounds manipulative and shady.

I'd dump him tbh.

[Ironic_Method]

I imagine he would have told you this before he did it if that was his reason. Sounds like the guy is just making excuses to you.

[Twalli]

As far as you know he hasn't cheated on you. That isn't cheating at all. It's flirting, it's toeing the line of cheating though

[Anonymous]

This has "cheater" written all over it.

[spartan55]

Call Jerry Springer... good lord.

[Iron_Man]

I hope not