Why is my boyfriend always un happy?

[maddiemiller_17]

it’s hard for me to make my boyfriend laugh, it’s like i have to act like someone im not for him to even smile, a whole year of being together with him not once have a genuinely laughed together and been extremely happy, i fell as if i have to put on being happy or laughing. we’ve had more arguments then laughter :( how do i make him happy?

[Middleman]

Sounds like he needs counselling of sorts. That can happen if he's had any trauma from the past.

When you are young it can be very easy to get angry with a lot of things and at times (for some) it could feel like the world can be against you especially if one has been in fights with others involved with drink. That's why nearly all wisdom teachings advises us not to drink or touch alcohol, because it clouds our reasoning and subdues our senses.

As to releasing this unhappiness, the best way to get through things is really learning to let go of the past, however bad it was. As the Buddha once said, holding onto past hate is like holding a piece of hot coal in the palm of your hand - it will burn your hand and you only hurt yourself at the end of it all. It isn't healthy, so it is best to simply let it go. But it may take some time for him to be strong enough to come to terms with his situation or past history and start rebuilding his life. That varies between person to person, and really just needs time and much love and patience.

Your boyfriend is very lucky to have you love and care for him. I wish you both the best in his recovery.

[Effably]

If you don't click socially things will be tricky going forward.

Of course if the challenge is only to have genuine fun and share some happiness? Do a mutual fun or exciting activity such as skydiving, some gokarts, mounatin climbing, shark diving or whatever else fits your fancy. Experiencing new fun things together is a near guaranteed happy moment.

[maddiemiller_17]

thank you so much for your opinion i will definitely try some new things.

[Effably]

Also, try to re-establish social expectations. I for example used to have a tendency to phrase things uniquely or express my emotions in subtler ways. Me and my then girlfriend set up a little arrangement in which I would simply, at a minimal prompt, explain my viewpoint.

Suddenly the communication skyrocketed and we both understood things better. While I am not advocating that exact solution I would suggest you keep in mind that only you two matter when deciding what is normal between you. And so, why not change things to a way that helps more.

[Wise4myage]

That's never gonna work, at least long term. Is he depressed?

[maddiemiller_17]

he didn’t have the best life growing up, always around drugs, alcohol and fighting, he moved away from all family a year ago, as something happened to him, and non stop crys and thinks sadly, i would say his depressed but had never got medical attention so i wouldn’t know.

[Wise4myage]

Thanks for the reply, I suggest you try to convince him to see a doctor.

[maddiemiller_17]

that’s okay, thank you heaps for you opinion, he has started seeing a counseller so i hope this worlds

[maddiemiller_17]

*works

[Wise4myage]

Awesome, I wish you the best.

[BarryLiverstone]

It’s not your job to make him happier. As his girlfriend you can make him happier but it’s on him to control his emotions. Did you say he’s starting therapy?

[BarryLiverstone]

Make him happy *