Why am I not happy when i’m around my boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

i’ve notice a few times out of the week that i am unhappy being around my boyfriend. we are together for 9 years and it hasn’t always been easy. he always hung out with his friends more than he hung out with me, he drank everyday and says the nastiest things to me. on new year’s eve he went to jail for drinking and hanging out with the wrong crowd. on new year’s day he called wanted to hangout with me. i went over and he apologized and cried apologizing for being a horrible person to me. as much as i appreciated the apology, i can’t let go of the boy he was to me. so i hangout with him and have my guard up to protect my heart incase something turn out bad once again. i know you all are thinking why i’m with him, simply know that i know the man he can become and i stay hoping one day he can be. however, now he wants to change after 8 years and all i have in my head is the boy he once was and the way he treated me. he told me this morning that we don’t hangout much anymore bc he doesn’t get any benefit from hanging out with me. bc i’m always in a bad mood, always having an attitude, always nagging about something. i’m those things bc i’m so use to of the man he once was. i know people can change, i’ve always wanted him to change but I don't know so much history of the man he once was. I don't know someone please help me. please be nice in the comments.

[BoobSlayer]

It sounds like you have a lot of mixed feelings about your relationship with your boyfriend. It's understandable that his past behavior has made it difficult for you to fully trust him and let go of the hurt he has caused in the past.

However, it's also important to consider whether or not being in this relationship is healthy for you and if it brings you more happiness than sadness. It's important to remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, and if your boyfriend's past behavior and recent statements are causing you distress, it may be worth considering ending the relationship.

It's also important to have open and honest communication with your boyfriend about how his past behavior has affected you and how it is impacting your relationship now. It's important that he takes responsibility for his actions and is willing to work on changing his behavior in order for the relationship to improve. If he is truly committed to changing, it may be helpful to seek out couples therapy or counseling to work through these issues together.

Ultimately, the decision to stay in or leave the relationship is yours. It's essential to think about your feelings, your well-being, and what you want for your future. You deserve to be in a healthy and happy relationship, and if this one is not fulfilling that for you, it may be time to move on.

[Guy13]

You lost that love in your heart?

[Anonymous]

Maybe you’ve outgrown each other. I’m not sure what age between 30-35 you are, but if it’s like 31-32, even 33, that means you spent some of the most pivotal, maturing years of your life in a relationship with him. What you liked at 21, 22, 23 may be vastly different than what you’re into once you’re out of your 20s and have more life experience. So maybe he worked well for you at one point, but he just doesn’t anymore. If you’re unhappy, or he just doesn’t mesh with the woman you’ve become then don’t be afraid to let him go.

[slatyb]

Because it's time to break up.