Quick background: im a 41yr old female - ex is 36yr old male. We were really close friends for 5yrs prior to our hook up. We moved in together quite quickly but both our situations at the time made it an easy decision and we were already spending most of our time together. The honeymoon period lasted for around 3yrs, im serious about this - he would write me poems, leave notes on my pillow, send snap chats singing to me and I also would surprise him in similar ways. We didn't have a lot of money so these things became our love language. Covid hit and then the last two years have been spending more time apart - but still both of us would say “i love you” most days, we rarely argued, still used our love language (not as often). We were still happy, but something was missing. Id like to point out my ex has a difficult time with communicating, especially with his feelings but i think our friendship first has enabled him to be more open, i have never seen him cry. he's the type of guy who internalises his emotions. I woke up 3 weeks ago to a text from a random number advising me that he had been cheating for last 18mths. He didn't deny it. Im devastated to say the least. He hid it very well, he was always home at night and i didn't see any obvious signs like hiding his ph etc. completely blindsided. He basically left that morning and went to my friends house place (he doesn't know her that well), where he sat with head in hands and was crying, and saying “i f***ed up”, very remorseful. he's been at her place since, like i didn't exist. His friends say he looks miserable, and that he's been crying a lot. The few times I've spoken to him he doesn't say much, won't give me a reason why he cheated, and i have no idea what he is thinking!! He won't sign over house lease to me and wants to keep paying for his half even if he's not here? He said doesn't have the same feelings as before - but tears well up as he says it. Help me understand.
