Why would a man still choose to linger around a woman he rejected?

[Puppystarfish23]

Im very happy and in love with my wonderful boyfriend but i just started watching the holiday and found i used to really relate with Kate Winslets character.

If you've never watched The Holiday. Kate Winslet has been madly in love with her colleague for 3 years and he rejected her but still treats her likes she's special and trys to charm the pants off her even though he will never want her. He'll have private, intimate moments with her, buy her gifts etc. Almost acting as if there is a chance romance when there clearly isn't and that he genuinely cares. He just loves getting these poor girl hopes up and get her all carried away to then crush her heart again

I was previously in a situation just like this with a colleague. He'd insist but he wasn't interested yet wanted my alone time, bought me gifts, did the whole puppy eye shit with me, took me out for drinks, he'd open up to me about his emotions and dreams like he wouldn't with anyone else. He insisted he was just being nice but treated me differently to any of the other female colleagues. I never recall him lifting any of the other female colleagues out of a taxi on the Christmas party so her dress didn't get dirty and insist on walking around the city alone in the dark together to buy cigars when we should have been with everyone else at the party.

He even got upset with me after i said i wanted nothing to do with him ever again after he ditched me in a pub with a bunch of strangers to go clubbing and nearly took up a offer of sex with a girl in the toilets once. I never let him forget how mad i was with him over that and that id never forgive him.

He told me he was scared of having serious commitments yet wanted to be in the army and started going on unsuccessful dates with other girls.

I no longer love this boy and im so grateful he messed up because it lead me to the love of my life but at the same time he's left me with emotional scars and i just don't get what he was trying to do with me.

[piglet94]

In my opinion he seems somewhat of a player but that’s just what I think. Or he could’ve just been doing it for the fun of it and that way y’all would both be happy. Sometimes when people aren’t ready to commit to something serious I believe they won’t toy around with someone else’s feelings. Players on the other hand will because it seems like he didn’t give to flying f**ks about how you felt when he almost took that sex offer up. So like I honestly don’t know why he’d do that but I think you made a good decision by leaving him. :)

[Puppystarfish23]

The thing is i never saw him as a player. He was a shy, nerdy, virgin. He was terrible with girls and always talked about how he respected women and that he wanted to protect his little sister from all the fuck boys out there. So in my head i thought he wasn't one himself.

I was probably his only attractive female friend if im totally honest. All his other female friends were how do i put it nicely well. Didn't look like they were interested in attracting a male AT ALL... and probably never would be.

He started hanging around with my other male colleagues and yes they were fuck boys but at the same time they respected me and called him a idiot for rejecting me. Yet he just wanted to be like them and cared more about looking cool in front of them then my feelings. Even though they thought he was dick for treating me like that.

[Puppystarfish23]

he's a bin man now and whenever he sees me around he stairs and shows off even though he knows im in love with someone else now and he even went a little off the rails when he first found out

[piglet94]

In this case of scenario it honestly gets confusing as to why he’d almost accepted a sex offer and things like that. Because the way you put it he is a very nice guy who treated you very nicely and cared a lot about you. But I do know that people can also change and love is unpredictable so maybe there might never be a reasonable explanation for it unless he tells you himself 🤷‍♀️

[Puppystarfish23]

Okay thanks anyway and merry Christmas

[piglet94]

You’re welcome 😊 and Merry Christmas to you too 🎄

[Puppystarfish23]

Also sorry for my profanities i wasn't aware you were only 14 years old as you seem very wise for your age.

[piglet94]

Oh don’t worry about the profanity I use it too 😂 plus even if I didn’t I’d have to regulate myself to getting used to it because profanity is normal in our society. And thank you so much :) I learn things from experience as well as advice from my mother 😅

[On_cloud_wine]

His doggy instincts forbid him from wanting any more than just pure attention, to surround himself by an attractive young lady as yourself, and you allowed it, so you were perfect.

[Peaches956]

Ugh guys like that are so damn confusing. How did you meet your new fella? Lately I’ve been stuck in that “guys sometimes act like they’re interested” phase.

[Puppystarfish23]

My best friend was sick of hearing me moan to him about this guy so set me up on tinder. First date was a nutter, second date was when i met my boyfriend.

We were talking for mouths and he let me know he was interested straight away ever since I've advised other women who are going through that phase is to be direct as you possibly can be with the man you like about how you feel. Just ask him if he likes you, if he says anything besides yes he just isn't interested and it isn't ment to be. Go for a man who'd do anything to be with you.

[Shellyworld]

Set him on fire! He reminds me of an ex from east. He got in touch with a cult that forbade him dating for real.

[On_cloud_wine]

The east coast? Lol.. What’s the name of this cult?

[Shellyworld]

@On_cloud_wine lol

[Shellyworld]

@On_cloud_wine he has been hiding therefore it’s over

[On_cloud_wine]

Mmm I see

[Shellyworld]

@On_cloud_wine he has also been hiding what he was studying at the moment. Bloody thunders.