"The power of a relationship lies with the one who cares less", agree?

[Apodyopsis]

Do you guys agree with this quote or not ? What do you think ?

I personally think it has some kind of truth to it. When you're more invested in a relationship than the other person, you risk more and you're more exposed to heartbreak. But is it true to all relationships?

[toulouse]

Relationships (healthy relationships) are not about control. They are about respect, support, attraction, empathy, relating, problem solving, TRUST... In relating to a person you have a profound connection & sense of trust & confidence in, Yo have an opportunity to see yourself & life, In a way it is impossible to imagine on your own. They are supposed to be SUPPORTIVE. If you are in it just to d*** someone around, to prove you do not give a sh*t. So when you break , you are 'the winner' - you are an immature a**hole & have no business being in a relationship. You could just stay home-alone- work from your computer & eat rice cakes in your living room, for 75 years, if you do not want to be safe & not feel anything.

imo This question is retarded & way too prevalent on this site. Anyone who is psychotic enough to think this is an actual question, with a viable answer, does not understand what it means to respect and relate to others, & should be in THERAPY-not an adult relationship.

[ShootingStar5]

Good answer!

[toulouse]

=-) Sorry typo- - I meant " ...if you want to be safe & not feel anything." Not "...if you do not want to.."

[PagingCloud9]

I agree. "For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool by making his world a little colder" - The Beatles.

[toulouse]

haha nice =-)

[Apodyopsis]

I'm not saying this is right, or wrong. This is just what happens. People who care less have more control over their own emotions, and therefore on the relationship.

Your view is a utopian one. I'd love to believe that a relationship is about love, trust, respect, and sunshine puppies and rainbows, but that's not the case.

[toulouse]

no.

people who pretend to care less have no control over themselves because they live a lie if they really didn't care, theyd leave because there is no point in being with someone that doesn't matter--its nboring

and it is not utopian. its psychology. in relating what happens comes out f the relate. the two together- is what exists. the feeling of control will constantly shift. If you treat it like a competition you will be paranoid trying to staying there. Worrying they care as little as you did

[toulouse]

you will spend all your time trying to keep on top yuoll just be scared & stressed & eventually they will feel you don't care & they will leave, or stop caring.. you'll end up alone.

if you can not imagine being supportive or supported.. If you have never been on a team or had a partner, in a relationship, maybe yo jdt have not had enough life experience yet. or perhaps you should shift your social circles- or change your (lack) expectations of people. support is not a fantasy- idea.. its human.

[Guytalks]

Toulouse, I think you have an idealistic view of a relationship. Once you are dealing with the daily grind in a relationship there is a certain dynamic where both people need to invest themselves a lot to make things work. Like I always say, the solidity and worth of a relationship are only exposed when problems and conflicts arise, and once the daily life has settled. A relationship is not only about love and commitment, it's also about personal investment.

[toulouse]

I said of you are in a relationship to prove you do not care, than you should not be in a relationship.

you can not actually respect a person, or be with a person, who you view as being there to make you feel like you care less. (people do often use people they are with. its common. )

imo The essence of this question is incoherent relationally.

It is a lie to say I think relationships' just happen'.They do not happen at all -if you do not care.

They require mutual respect & cooperation & EFFORT

[ixi10]

yes absolutely. if you care less, then you'll get hurt less

[Guytalks]

I'm tempted to say there is some truth to it but at the same time I think that power can be temporary because if one persons care a lot and the other not much, the first person eventually gets tired and can decide to demand more from the other. At that time the power can shift because suddenly the person who cares less has to meet the new expectation and is held accountable in a sense. So I think it's true only if the person who cares more doesn't stand his/her ground.

[toulouse]

following that logic the first person could leave,

i thought you were gonna say t shifts because #2 gets sick of #1 & leaves.

its easy to leave. I thought that's the point about not caring. nothing to lose.

imo relationships have nothing to do with eg tripping. but as far as not caring, the point would be to not care. so why would the put up with expectations from something they don't mind leaving. if they don't leave, I guess they cared more than they thought. because in a relate no one is top.

[Guytalks]

What I was saying is that the person who cared less initially is put in front of his/her redponsability. Either they step up to the plate and invest themselves more and prove to the other they can deliver (power shift) or the relationship will end.

[WeaponZero]

I would have to say yes. The one who has the easier time walking away is going to be the one who is in the best position to control things, simply because they can walk away from it easier. That puts them in a position of power because they are less susceptible to the manipulation of their partner.

[NMMan]

I think that can be true, especially at the outset of a relationship. If someone invests too much of their time and/or heart in the other person too quickly at the beginning, they're setting themselves for a big emotional letdown if things don't work out.

[Anonymous]

Yep. We broke up a few weeks back, she's off partying and dating new guys, sleeping guys (I'm assuming).. and I am just a big mess. I drink and drink and drink, and write her emails, etc.. I can't get over her. I did all the caring.. So yes.

[Shaun]

agreed.