Should I stay in France or go back to the United States?

[a1yssafn1]

I'm a 20 year old American that's currently dating a 26 year old Frenchman, and I'm also living in France with him. I'm also pregnant with his child. I don't want to be with anymore for multiple reasons. I'm really homesick. I'm tried to tell him and his family that I no longer have an interest of living in France after the child is born, but they insist that I stay, and, yes, stay as in live. I just want to go home, and I'm sure that my family wants me to as well. Of course I'm still going to let my child see her paternal family every once in a while.

Try to make yourself at home in France.

Go back to the United States.

[DJB72]

I moved back to South Africa so my son could have both his parents (born in the UK but his mum's South African)

I'm welcomed by her family - mostly - but a White immigrant to South Africa has very few prospects professionally so I'm forced to be self employed. As it happens that suits me since at 50 I want to schedule my time around my family.

You made a choice to be with the father. That's called making your bed. Now you have to lie in it. Your child deserves a father. Not some guy who visits now and then. A Father.

I'm guessing you want to go back before the baby's born so the French courts don't get involved in custody. Born to a French father on French soil makes the baby French with an option for US dual citizenship, but born in America and it's all decided under American law which is heavily weighted against the father's rights.

You chose the father. You chose either unprotected sex or not to have a morning after pill when the condom broke. Those were your choices. Your child deserves to make the choice for himself/herself. You don't have to stay with the father, but you do need to give him the opportunity to be more than just a sperm donor.

[godfatherfan]

Regardless of reasons, if you can go and live in another country, 90% of the time I would say do it. If I didn't have all my family here in the USA, I would not be living here. Sadly, the Republican's have degraded this country to the point where it is almost unlivable. And as you grow older, you face the chance of being without insurance when you retire. Sad when you have to hope you die before you retire because you will never be able to afford healthcare when you retire.

[SueShe]

Do what is best for the child and not so much what is best for you.

Since you have such an aversion of France, I believe it is better for you to move back to the US. You will never be assimilated as French while living in France and always be considered as an outsider. Unless you learn to speak French without a foreign accent, you will be faced with that problem, mainly if you live outside of Paris.

On the other hand, going back to the US, you will of course go back to primitive living without the culture, history and architecture only a European country and a few Asian countries can give you.

You made the error to think that a transatlantic relation could work out. Unfortunately, you do realize now that it is not possible because of so many cultural differences and totally opposite mentalities.

Taking your unborn baby back to the US will be the best for her. Good luck.

[a1yssafn1]

I'm really considering it. My boyfriend lives in a smaller town, so I definitely don't feel welcomed here, and I most certainly don't want our daughter to feel unwelcomed here just because she's not fully French.

[a1yssafn1]

But the problem is that his mother will lose her sh*t. I mean, she will literally try to take legal action against me by filing false accusations because I moved back to the US with her granddaughter, but it's really her son that's the problem and she refuses to see that.

[SueShe]

The grandmother has no legal rights to prevent you from moving back to the US. She will have to prove any false accusations and that will be more difficult without involving other people and risking perjury.

[PrettyPriya]

Thank you @SueShe for the advice. I did not want to give her poor info. @a1yssafn1 She has given you very good advice. You may want to consider her opinion as MHO or Most Helpful Opinion after 24 hours of asking the question.

Like Sue did, I wish you the absolute best of luck and the best for your child.

[SueShe]

To follow up on your case, you are aware that you are entitled to free legal aid in France. Check the various local offices in France or then check this site out

www.miedepain.asso.fr/.../

If you need help with the translation, you can always use an online translation program to help you out.

However, you must realize that taking the unborn baby away from her father just because you are "homesick" makes it more difficult from a legal point of view.

[SueShe]

@PrettyPriya There can be more than just one MHO and you also deserve the one...

[PrettyPriya]

@SueShe I appreciate that but I think your information for the asker is more valuable than mine considering your knowledge of the EU.

I appreciate your response to the tag. I hope you have enjoyed your week-end.

[SueShe]

@PrettyPriya I did actually enjoy my week-end but I am totally tired from my internship. I will need a full week to recover before going back to my studies.

[PrettyPriya]

@SueShe I’m so happy for you that the internship was a good experience and you were able to extend it. Enjoy your brief break and relax! 🙂

[SueShe]

@PrettyPriya Believe me, I will and I will probably reduce my time here on GaG. I realized in the past weeks that I did not miss it too much.

[PrettyPriya]

You need to do what is in the best interest of your child. It is that simple. I’m guessing you have some good reasons for not wanting to be with him. If those reasons are valid and you feel that you would be better off in another country, then that is what you need to do.

I am unfamiliar with EU laws however. Perhaps @SueShe could shed some light on potential legal issues. I certainly don’t want to give you advice that would land yourself in legal trouble.

I would caution that this is a very delicate situation when involving a child. While you need to do what is best, that means for the child and not just you.

Im so very sorry to hear of your situation and hope you can find an acceptable solution. Best of luck to you!

[a1yssafn1]

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

What you need to do is to acknowledge that you're dragging an innocent child in the middle of this mess. Since the child's biological father and his side of the family all live in France, I advise you to stay in France for the sake of the child. You can easily take the child to the United States every once in a while to see your side of the family. Staying in France means she will have her father. Unless you mean he's abusive which you said that you want your daughter to still see her father, I'm assuming that he's not. Taking your child away from her paternal family would be a really shitty thing to do since not everything is about you. Think about the child.

[Opinion Owner]

I saw that you said that his mother would file a lawsuit against you. Would you please explain what that's about?

[AviatorTom]

You're pregnant and it's no longer about you, it's about what's best for your child. If you stay in France, your child will have both parents, which is always best for the child. If you give back to the US, your child will not have a father.

It's your decision, but if you could ask your child what they would want... let that be part if your decision.

[bolverk]

If you are worried about the costs of having your baby in France see this web page, it is easier than you think.
www.expatica.com/.../

[Guy13]

You should do why you think is best for your child. Child will probably have a better life in USA. You and husband or whatever have to get on same page. Hate to see someone take kid and fly back etc…

[RobT312]

tough problem! If it were me I’d stay in France short term, build your family then talk about all moving to the US

[maximumpower]

Should have thought of that before you were in the situation where you're bringing someone else into the world. Your now in a position where you SHOULD be thinking about the baby.
Time to start thinking and acting like an adult.

[bean2k21]

[slatyb]

Talk to a lawyer. I would suggest you leave before delivery.

[Apologies456]

Maybe build your family and then talk it out?

[JohnK123]

Damn… France is better tho u can visit family in america tho