Why do I still get jealous when he talks to other girls?

[Anonymous]

I was rejected by this guy I have been talking to on a language app for the last three months. Earlier we used to talk a lot in my VRs (voice room) alone but now since our friend's group has expanded he talks to other girls a lot. Which gets the best of me & I act out. To which he once reacted “I talk to everyone in your VR why do you care if I get along with the others”? I want to stop feeling jealous and insecure about someone who has like already rejected me. But I'm failing to do so because he has been a good friend to me even after knowing about my feelings. So should I be the one pulling out of this friendship or what?

[loveslongnails]

Let me summarize for my own head - you're 38 years old, some guy rejected you for a relationship but you still "believe" you're friends (? yes? ), yet you're envious (jealous in your words), because you are not the recipient of his attentions any longer? You want to know "why"? Because you're the one left out. You want him to want you like you want him, and he doesn't, so it eats at you. You refuse to accept you can't have what you "think" you want, and that he doesn't want you that way. Instead of moving on, you get angry and it manifests as jealousy. That's why. You need to fix your own head, girl. This shit will kill you, a little at a time.

[Asker]

No, I don’t want him to like me. Why are you making things up? I wanna move on but for that, I have to end our friendship, that’s what I was asking.

[loveslongnails]

Sorry, that didn't seem clear to me. If the only way you believe you can stop your jealousy is to make him meaningless to your life, then go ahead and end the friendship. Seems like a backdoor method of addressing a more serious insecurity, if you ask me, but whatever works.

[Asker]

Then what do you suggest I should do?

[loveslongnails]

I suggest you ask yourself if this friendship is truly valuable enough to you that you're willing to address your jealousy demons and overcome them. Have you REALLY given any hard thought to the "why you are jealous part", on your own? The only way you're going to get to the bottom of it is to be brutally honest with yourself. We can only throw ideas at you, but you're the only one who can figure it out and get rid of it... if it's worth it to you.

[Asker]

Hmmm thank you, I think I got to do some self reflection!!! Train myself to get rid off this weird jealousy.

[loveslongnails]

Hmmm... it's not something you "train" out of yourself. Rather, you figure out the absurdity of the thoughts that cause you to react like that, and you change the way you're "thinking". He posed this question to you: “I talk to everyone in your VR... WHY do you care if I get along with the others”?

The answer to that is simple, very simple - because you want more attention, and you want to be special. You claim it's not about wanting him to want you or like you. Let's say I buy that, which I don't, but argument's sake, let's say it's NOT about him. If it's not about him specifically, then it's about you NOT being the center of attention. If that's the case, there is your "why". How you fix that is up to you, and really, it is nothing to do with your friendship with him. The same thing will happen over and over, no matter who you meet, until you fix it.

[Asker]

Yeah maybe you are right. I want me to be special to him which is not right since he already made it clear that he doesn’t want me that way and I should move on. No I don’t want to be the centre of attraction I just expected him to respect my feelings and not hurt me by being over friendly to others in front of me. Which is not right.

[Summeroflove]

Leave him alone.

[Asker]

Lol done.

[Summeroflove]

Good. When someone rejects you don't keep pestering them. Just cut your losses. I mean if you need to talk to him then talk to him. But yeah good I am glad you have.

Sometimes it takes some time but I am sure you will be into someone else at some point.

[Asker]

Yeah that would take ages but not disagreeing :)

[Summeroflove]

Yeah sometimes it does. But pushing the issue isn't going to do any good.

[Asker]

I’m not pushing at all. I understood my place in his life. I’m trying my best to get over the feeling.

[Summeroflove]

Yeah I do understand that can be hard. For sure. I mean there has been a time where I knew someone at one point liked me. But she eventually moved on to someone else. I just never took action on it. Which is my fault I had clear opportunities I could have taken that would not have been that awkward.

All in all... In the end this was back in school so. She kind of turned out to be weird. Gosh I always would crush on the most beautiful and sweetest girls and none of them turned out how I thought they would. So I guess... Maybe in a odd way I am glad I never did. That sounds terrible I know

[Asker]

Yeah I know

[Guy13]

You still crush him⁉️

[Asker]

Yeah I do 🥴😭

[Guy13]

I'm sorry...

[Anonymous]

Insecurities?

[Asker]

Obviously 🙄 but I wan to stop ☹️