I regret moving in with my boyfriend. But I can't move out, should I stick around or find my own place?

[Anonymous]

I moved to a different state to be with him and I'm currently locked into a 6 month contract with my job.

The day I moved in with him, I instantly regretted it. He refuses to cook, clean, do the laundry, etc. He thinks that's my responsibility, but we both work full time jobs. Often I'll ask for his help with cooking, but he'll either continue sitting on his phone or only does one minor little task.

Today, after cooking I felt so overwhelmed he asked me what was wrong. I told him I did everything by myself. He asked if it was hard to ask for help, I said no but I don't think I should be needing to ask for his help, that he should be willing to do his fair share. He stayed silent and walked away while I went off the work.

Among other issues, I just feel like I shouldn't be doing everything by my self. I'm not his wife, we both work so things should be split more evenly. We pay our own separate bills.

I was thinking of moving out, but I don't make enough to afford my own apartment and I can't move back home due to my job contract. As soon as I'm able to, I was gonna break up with him and transfer back home, but he doesn't know about that.

Should I keep trying to make things work while keeping a smile on or struggle to make ends meet on my own?

[Goforit1010]

I would continue to plan to move out when your job contract is up. ALWAYS have a plan and be prepared for something like that, especially since you're NOT married. Save your money, get a plan to move out and get ready for that.

In the mean time, be more assertive. Let him know he dirties the house just as much as you do. He dirties as much clothes, towels, and sheets as you do. Therefore, cleaning WILL be a joint chore. The same applies to eating. He probably eats MORE than you, but... tell him you're willing to put in your portion of effort to cook.

Finally, be prepared. He's going to put up a fuss because you're "making" him do domestic work that he considers a woman's job. That's fine. When he refuses, stop doing HIS laundry. Wash the towels, sheets, and your things and let his clothes lie where he left them. After the 1st couple times, he's either going to help or decide to make your life even more difficult.

The same goes for cooking. If he refuses to help (make sure you ask), cook a meal for you only. Expect the same result.

Let him KNOW you're not putting up with the typical, "guy sits around while the girl does all the housework" plan. Either he actually dies his share of cleaning, cooking, dishes, vacuuming, laundry, dusting, or his life is going to become miserable with you around.

[NerdInDenial]

When you said, “ I don’t think I need to ask,” that is all I needed to know about your relationship. You two lack communication. Do you have the same attitude at work? Do you expect your boss to constantly help you or will you ask for help when you need it? At work, is there a plan, an understanding of responsibilities? You need to sit down with him and establish a plan and delineate responsibilities.

[MzAsh]

You fucked up by choosing a shitty boyfriend and then again by moving in with him which gives him the leverage. If I were you, I’d stop all effort for him and focus every minute in getting the hell out of there.

[Guy13]

Save what you can for security deposit, prorated rent and power? Can you hang in safely long enough for that?

[Carolus]

You can’t have the cake and eat it, decide what you can live with but it’s definite he ain’t built for “romantic men in the kitchen club”, help ain’t coming in a 100 years.

[slatyb]

Your job contract? Where are you? What exactly does the contract say?

[dustybiker]

Can you rent a room with someone else?

[Iron_Man]

Just work it out