Is it likely my boyfriend will find out I was one of his cousin's HS bullies?

[Anonymous]

We're both 26 years old and been dating for a year now.

In a weird twist of events, at some point I find out his female cousin (our same age) is the girl a couple us bullied in HS. Obviously I doubt she has forgotten. We've only met once at a recent family gathering this month. That was a shock to me (awkward moment for sure) and well I just greeted her as if I was saying hi for the first time. I pretended not to know her as a way to start over. She left after only being there less than an hour. I believe it was my presence she didn't like.

I don't think she has told him anything. Then again I don't know. Is it likely he'll find out?

Updates

+1 y

From what I know I can't find her on any social media page at all. I don't know her number either. I think she has it all set up in private. What I'm worried about is she's going to likely tell him and then I have some answering to do.
I've been running away from this past and now this.

[DarkWinterNights]

I don’t know how common my situation is, but I ran into a bully of mine from high school about 10 years after we graduated and there wasn’t really any bad blood. School was school. None of us wanted to be there and it was an awkward time. We laughed about school and I gave him $5k of my lunch money. Jk- he’s a mechanic now and rebuilt my cars engine.
I suggest talking to your boyfriend and just lay it out. Tell him you’d like to apologize to her at some point and see if he can line it up or try to talk to her privately at another family grouping.
Depending on how bad the bullying was she may be harboring anger, but if you apologize and you mean it, that’s it. It’s up to her to accept your apology and move on.. or don’t. But at that point the ball is in her court.

[Asker]

Thank you for sharing your story. Yes I can't reach her at all. If I tell him, hopefully he doesn't get disappointed in me. I've tried my best to be the a better person over the years.

[DarkWinterNights]

If my girlfriend talked to me about it and was straight up and truthful I wouldn’t think any less of her. We’ve all made mistakes. As long we’re trying to do better and become better people.

[SiberFox]

Why would you hide it from your boyfriend? Unless you haven't changed?
Be upfront about it, it's you can really do.

[Asker]

I wanted to be the best version for him. He's a serious man looking for commitment in the near future. He doesn't even do the living together thing. He's has some old-fashioned values. He's what many women look for in a man. He's also pretty much against animal abuse, bullying, spousal abuse and many other things. Bullying is unfortunately the only single thing I'm guilty about.

Ok lets say I would've been upfront about who I was in HS, is it likely he would've dated me?

[Asker]

I presented him the best version I could, his female counterpart. I want the same thing he wants too. At the same time I've been running away from that past. I tried my best to forget it ever happened and be the woman a serious man would want as the future mother of his kids one day.

[SiberFox]

If what you say is true. Then take accountability for what you've done. You can't change it, but you can own up to it.

[Asker]

I tried when I was searching for her. She can't be found on any social media pages because she likely has her profile in private and blocked my name likely. I guess that day was the one single day I could've said something but I was too much of a coward.
If I own up to it, I hope this can be worked out.

[SiberFox]

Take accountability by telling him. Be honest, you regret having mistreated her and you'd like to see her again to make amends, assuming its the same girl.
It'll only be worse should you let it fester

[Sabretooth]

it's time.

[Asker]

Then everything (all the hard work I've put after HS, changes in myself) would fall up in my face. I'm just guilty of being an insecure, low self-esteem HS bully back then. Doesn't the present matter more?

[Sabretooth]

and what have you done? nothing, it seems like... you're only thinking of yourself. you'll never change until you own up to this. don't you think that he deserves to know and that she deserves an apology? you can either confess and and apologize... or, wait and end up destroying everything, anyway.

[Asker]

Things I've done:
- Went to college after HS
- Stopped relying on my parents that spoiled me too much
- Gave donations in some charities
- Participated in some animal shelters

How do I apologize to her if I can't reach her? If you see my update, I tried to search for her but she's not visible on any social medias. She likely has my name blocked and her profile must be on private.

[Sabretooth]

alright. then, tell him you wish to talk to her. you can't run forever.