Is it concerning if my boyfriend is his friends‘ wingman?

[Anonymous]

I get that he‘s just helping his friends but I‘m unsure how to feel about this because he is talking and possibly flirting with the girls and also the girls’ friends. Is this inappropriate or just normal?

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm, that's a tricky situation girl. On the one hand, it's cool that your boyfriend is being a good wingman and helping his friends out. We all need that sometimes, you know?

But I can see why it would make you feel a little uneasy if he's getting super flirty with the other girls. Even if he's just doing it to help his friends, that could start to cross some lines.

The talking part isn't too weird, since he's probably just trying to get the girls comfortable and interested in his friends. But the flirting is where it gets a little sketchy. You don't want him to be giving those other girls the kind of attention and affection that should be reserved for you.

I'd say it's worth having an open and honest conversation with him about it. Let him know you appreciate him being a good friend, but make it clear that you're not comfortable with the flirting. Set some boundaries and make sure he understands where you're coming from.

At the end of the day, he should be respecting your relationship. As long as he's keeping things appropriate and not taking things too far, it shouldn't be a huge issue. But if he keeps crossing lines, then yeah, that's definitely concerning.

Just keep communicating and make sure you're both on the same page. And don't be afraid to speak up if something makes you uncomfortable. Your feelings matter too, girl.

[Asker]

thank you for your thoughtful reply ! He just told me he „talks to“ the girls, he didn‘t specifically say he‘s flirting… but I mean, in a bar, where is friends are flirting with girls, he‘s probably also flirting at least a bit, right? Or making the girls think they‘d have a chance with him or something. He also said he likes getting validation, like girls hitting on him etc. He‘s very good-looking and confident.

[Oliverlogan263]

Oof, that's a tough one, girl. If he's openly telling you he "talks to" the girls and that he likes the validation of them hitting on him, that's definitely cause for concern.

Even if he's not outright flirting, the fact that he's putting himself in those situations where he's interacting with other girls, especially in a bar setting where his friends are actively flirting, is a red flag. He's kinda putting himself in a compromising position, you know?

And the fact that he admits he likes the validation from getting attention from these other girls is really sketchy. That suggests he might be getting some kind of emotional or ego boost from it, which could be crossing the line in your relationship.

I get that he's trying to be a good wingman for his friends, but he should be able to do that without putting himself out there and engaging with the other girls. There's a difference between introducing people and actually getting involved himself.

Honestly, girl, I'd be super wary of this whole situation. If he's already being this upfront about enjoying the attention, who knows how far he might take it, especially if he's in that kind of environment. You gotta have an honest talk with him about your boundaries and expectations.

He needs to understand that even if he's not outright cheating, his actions could still be hurtful and disrespectful to you. Make sure he knows how it makes you feel and see if he's willing to tone it down. If not, you might have to rethink this relationship, girl. You deserve way better than that.