Should I feel excluded and offended because I am?

[Nobodyslove]

My boyfriend of five years decided to book a trip to Dallas with Him and his 26 yr old daughter for a Cowboys game on Thanksgiving. He didn’t ask me if I wanted to go & said he didn’t ask me because he figured I was busy. He told me that depending on my response he would’ve paid off the rest of my car note. I became extremely upset that he continues to exclude me from almost anything. Am I wrong?

Updates

+1 y

I have issues with him spending time with his daughter. All year I have been trying to go on a vacation with him but every time I tried, he came up with an excuse. As far as money goes, he is a very well off guy & money is not an issue for him. He does not pay my bills & I have never asked him to. However, he based paying off my car note of $4000 on my reaction to him excluding me. He has excluded me before on certain events where he didn’t feel I could go or wanted to.

Updates

+1 y

I meant to say I DONT HAVE ISSUES WITH HIM SPENDING TIME WITH HIS DAUGHTER!

[The_Koala]

I would be. Five years is a long time to be dating. He should have made the offer. If you were busy so be it but at least offer. I am guessing you are close with his daughter. I think he didn’t play this one right. You have the right to be upset especially on a major holiday.

[Nobodyslove]

I am not close to his daughter. I have two children of my own 17 & 18. And I may not have been able to go, it is hurtful to me that he didn’t even bother to ask me, even if I would have said no. Just the fact that he didn’t care to ask. Then he said because I got upset, he was no longer going to be the rest of my car off, which is $4,000. I am a single mom who works really hard and I am not financially well off the way he is. So that was even more upsetting that he threw money into my face over emotions.

[The_Koala]

Very sorry to hear that. Selfish behavior. He should have tried to be inclusive. Threatening you with the car thing is ridiculous. It isn’t his obligation but he is weaponizing it after he didn’t feel like including you on a big holiday. Really sorry love.

[Avicenna]

You have every reason to be upset. He should have at least asked you if you wanted to go.

[Nikki1989]

I would be offended, too. What's his problem?

[Anonymous]

That stadium has the best food of any sport.

[Guy13]

Tickets and Flights are expensive

[Nobodyslove]

He is very well off. I promise you money is not an issue for him.

[Guy13]

Well maybe he wanted to talk to his daughter about her new Momma OR that 26 year old is not his daughter. I’m leaning more towards “not daughter”….

[Nobodyslove]

He just didn't want me to go.

[Guy13]

That’s his loss. Maybe engagement then football 🏈 game…. that makes sense to me…

[DryGermanGuy]

I would say, that man has a strange definition of a relationship, at least.

[Nobodyslove]

According to him I am the strange one for getting upset.—well sad really. The whole thing just makes me really sad.

[DryGermanGuy]

Yeah, I would feel the same. I can't wrap my head around the notion that he has to decide for a 40 year old grown woman what she want to or can join - that's something you do for a 14 year old child.

[spartan55]

I'm pretty this isn't the first time he has shown you who he is, and be knows you aren't going to do anythng about it.

[spartan55]

*pretty sure

[Nobodyslove]

No. It is not.

[spartan55]

Okay, so what are doing with a guy like that?

[spartan55]

*you doing

[Nobodyslove]

:( good question

[JamesDiaz11]

This is the same reason men don't date women with kids- because their priority will always be on the kids before their significant other.

[RavVid]

No, you shouldn't be excluded but don't go head to head with his daughter. Pick a better issue.

[Nobodyslove]

The issue is not his daughter—-it is being excluded.

[RavVid]

Maybe I didn't put it right. He should have invited you - first up. If you couldn't make it fine but he shouldn't have assumed that. What I was meaning to say was if you object to that particular case - which was quite shitty - he has an easy come back. I'd advise picking a case where there isn't an easy come back.

I don't think many guys would exclude their partner unless they didn't care what she thought. Certainly I don't think you have been treated right. But I can't know from arms length if it can be discussed fruitfully. Thanksgiving is a big US holiday I know so I imagine the exclusion is especially hurtful.

[Nobodyslove]

It is very hurtful. I don’t have family here, other than my children. Their father passed 5yrs ago. Him & I have spoken about this exclusion before. It would just be nice to be asked…that is all, even if I truly can’t go.

[RavVid]

Of course it is hurtful. What did he say when you spoke about it?

[Nobodyslove]

He blamed me for getting upset.

[RavVid]

Socially I have invited people to events that I know they will not be able to attend. e. g. I know they have other plans for the time but I invite in case their plans change and they can and would like to attend. my reason is of course so they DON'T feel excluded.

Now I can see that the Father/Husband might want some alone time with his daughter. The presence of another person could make a significant difference to that private time.

BUT HE SHOULD SIMPLY SAY HE WANTS SOME PRIVATE TIME WITH HIS DAUGHTER. Most likely you would respect that and accept him organizing during your unavailability to impact least on you. But he shouldn't do that all the time. He should allow you and his daughter to develop a relationship.

That private time aspect might be what is in his mind and to achieve that he could be deliberately organizing around your unavailability.

Overall it is pretty shitty to do that when he knows you will feel excluded (you have told him after all). Blaming you for being upset is shit.

I do not like saying this but if he has so little care for you and your well being then I think you need to re-consider being with him.

[JPresidente]

Yes. If you're in a relationship with him, he should at least tell you of his plans for something like this. Apparently he had made up his mind way ahead of time and was not going to change it.

[Nahid1707]

Could i say you look super cute in your profile picture.


Yea, communication is what you would have wanted and preferred.

[Jamie05rhs]

Let the guy have some father-daughter time with his kid. What's so bad about that?

[Nobodyslove]

He lives with her. They go out all of the time.

[Jamie05rhs]

It's not every day that you get to go to an NFL game.

[Jamie05rhs]

And Cowboys tickets are expensive.

[Nobodyslove]

Money is not an issue with him and they go all of the time. I appreciate your opinion though.

[Jamie05rhs]

Okay; cool. No problem.

[rizeliman34]

Feelings not importtant everytime