Why my Japanese boyfriend always silent when he's angry?

[Anonymous]

Tbh I'm the one who got angry because he couldn't let me know when he's busy , I only need 1 message from him to let me know when he's busy so I don't have to texting or calling him "where are you what are you doing?" But he always forgot.. and it makes me upset.. he said sorry, but he always say sorry anyway but still forgot.. I only asked one thing but he always forgot.. I don't want to keep telling him to do this and that, I'm also busy but I always let him know.. he's silent till now, it's been a day, what should I do?

[BeMuse]

Japanese are discouraged their entire life from showing intense emotions. Culturally they are trained not to bother anyone as it were... There are lots of fake smiles and passive aggression in the culture.

[BeMuse]

There entire upbringing they are scolded. For example my brother was in Tokyo a few years back and was riding an elevator. A little Japanese girl pointed at him and called him a Giant. Kids are imaginative and my brother is 6’4”. The mother instantly scolded the kid and told her to be quiet, she is bother people. Japan is a highly conformist society and it is seen as bad to stick out from the crowd, to have your own opinions that might bother other people or hurt their feelings. Where as in the USA if someone called you a giant, tall guy, eh big guy no one even blinks. That sort of directness of opinion is culturally acceptable.

[BeMuse]

*Their

[Asker]

I know that , but when he said he's super busy I feel like okay I will cut you off

[BeMuse]

In his culture he’d think you are stupid and selfish. Family and even company loyalty is very important to the Japanese. People stick with it even when they are miserable. Men tend to work very long work weeks in Japan. Mothers sacrifice their happiness to raise the children. When I mean sacrifice their happiness, I mean they literally do not spend more than maybe 1 or 2 minutes away from the kid in a day. The kids sleeps in the same bed as the parents and the mother doesn’t really let go of the kid until they go to their first day of elementary school. Bonding is very important to them. In contrast you’re like I didn’t get my attention when I wanted it so go fuck yourself. This is very alien behavior to him if he grew up in Japan.

[Anonymous]

Guys have a tendency to hide their emotions, but its very unhealthy.

[Asker]

So what should I do facing someone who always give me silent treatment?

[Opinion Owner]

Do the same to them, and look to move on.

[Asker]

He called me last night, he said he's super busy but yeah I will move on haha thanks

[artsy_dragon]

He may need some space, I know you're worried about him. If he hasn't replied by a certain time sent a text

[Asker]

🥲 I think so but why he never let me know or say anything like "I need space" I'm worried yes 🥹 but thank you for your answer

[artsy_dragon]

No I understand that!

[NerdInDenial]

Are you Japanese?

[Asker]

Nein

[NerdInDenial]

So, it made be a cultural misunderstanding. Japanese men do involve themselves a lot in their work and a lot of times, relationships come second. He remains silent to give you time to cool-off.

[boredgal]

you should call him instead of texting.